Friday, January 16, 2009

Seriously Embarrassing

MoFM recently posted an embarrassing story about inadvertent exposure (you should read it) and asked after our own embarrassing stories. It would take too long for me to pick out an embarrassing story (but you can read my comment on her post if you really want one) so I'm going to show you an embarrassing picture instead - my old security badge photo.

A little background: I had just reported to my new duty station and was anxious to make a good/serious impression. After all, here was my chance to start fresh with a bunch of people that had no idea what a freak fun loving character I can be. I chose to get my eyebrows waxed the day before and as you can see, the esthetician did a number on me. My eyebrows look like sideways parenthesis.

So, ten minutes after I walk in the door they take me to get a picture taken for my badge. Please note my very serious expression - I like to call this look "blue steel." Oh wait, that's already been taken... shit.

Hair look like dog crap? Check. No make-up what-so-ever? Check. Bad posture? Check. All things considered, a virtually perfect government photo.

Naturally, I sent this picture to my friend the graphic designer for a laugh because I just knew she'd appreciate the douche bag expression on my face. Being all creative and artsy she sent this version back to me. What do you think? The sombrero makes a distinct improvement, no?

Now I resemble a pissed off Mexican drug thug who could totally give Javier Bardem a run for his money. Watch out, I might come after you next!

Once I was promoted I was able to get another picture taken and scrap this awful, awful photo of myself. UNTIL NOW! I know it goes against every Southern Girl's rule of destroying all bad photos but, honestly, it's so bad that I had to keep it. Plus, I think I look festive. Festively evil.

Thus ends this episode of "scaring small children with photos of yourself." Oh yeah, gratuitous Sawyer shot coming right up!

There, doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy? And, um, what's going on with his fly? Is it open or just frayed? Don't ask, don't tell!


Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

omg, i'm DYYYING laughing! between the actual picture, the photoshop and your commentary re: javier bardem... LOL! you mentioned the poor posture and lack of makeup, but you didn't mention the HIDEOUS COLOR of the uniform. that would wash ANYONE out - makeup or not!

oh, and huminahhuminah re: sawyer. i don't know what's going on with his fly, but i want to open it up and see what's going on BEHIND the fly. yummy!

Unknown said...

yes, the frayed fly, THAT is what drew my attention there too...yeah...uhhuh.

Love the sombero picture...lmfao.

Kristi said...

I hope the one in the sombrero is blown up and on your fridge. :)

ATenorio said...

That sombrero picture is totally hilarious!!!