Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
The L'etoile Day Spa is where I normally go for a pedicure in the summertime. However, they sent an email advertising a "Winter Fresh" special that includes a 30 min massage, a cleansing facial, a bio de-tox treatment and a classic pedicure for less that $100. I thought "what the hey - I deserve it!" (I think I say that way too much - new shoes, new jacket, spa day... my checkbook needs a break.)
It was lovely. The masseuse worked out my kinks, the facial made me all glowy and my toes are now an unfortunate color of lavender. Note to self: lavender + pasty white skin = corpse feet
Perhaps inspired by my corpse feet I chose to brave a hoard of screaming young girls and attend a showing of Twilight. I've read the books, seen the previews so I admit - I was intrigued. I managed to get a really good seat with some really good popcorn and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I have to admit that the squeals and giggles punctuating every smoldering look were very amusing. It really brought me back to those days of high-emotion that defined my high school experience.
Well, maybe not these particular emotions... My high school love experience was more along the lines of "lusting from afar." Lusting for emotionally unattainable emo boys. Like this one:
Oh, the dreamy brooding boy... Yep, I'm still a sucker.
All in all, a fantastic day. I must remind myself to do this more often...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Ok, I'm hoping on the bandwagon... Stacie posted about this camera strap give-away and I'm going to do the same.
**wink, wink, nudge, nudge**
My Charming Kids is hosting a contest for a free blog make-over as well as some camera goodies! As I am all about make-overs and have been dying to rid myself of the traditional Blogger Template I have already entered. If you have the time today, I hope you stop by her site and enter as well!
Enjoy a lovely crisp fall Saturday! I'll be driving to meet Muffin's dad but afterwards I'm going to the place I get my pedicures for a spa treatment. I've never had a massage before so I'm kind of excited and aprehensive at the same time. More on that later...
Check out My Charming Kids! Enter the Contest! Have Fun!
Friday, November 21, 2008
I'm sorry that you are in such a terrible rush this morning. Really, it must be something quite urgent to cause you to ride my ass rather than take the two extra seconds to go around me. I chose this lane because I need to take an exit in a few miles and I have no intention of budging despite your flicker of high beams and fruitless hand gestures.
You see, I do not take kindly to bullying of any sort. Especially from the kind of person that drives an overly large truck to compensate for his puny little manhood. So, feel free to flip me the bird, flash your lights, whatever - I will continue to slow my speed in response. Yes, I'm that kind of a bitch. The more you irritate me the slower I will go.
I know you were grateful to finally get around me, Heaven knows I was grateful too! I hope we never meet in the highway world again but if we do I trust that you learned enough from this encounter to avoid repeating your mistakes. Next time you see my car in front of you it's in your best interest to go around me, otherwise I will likely come to a complete stop just to piss you off.
The Bitch In The Black Accord
I managed to work through this swatch with only THREE HOLES! Ok, so there's this one area where I attempted to throw some purling in - but I ask you to overlook that. Kai Thnx!
Inspired by success, I shall be moving on to an actual "project" next. One that involves counting and accuracy. Please wish me luck as I'm not so good at counting or accuracy. In fact, if you could pray for my daughter's safety during this time of flying knitting needles that would be great.
(many thanks to CoCo the Pony as she politely models my creations)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
May I call you David? Ok, great! Thanks! I have to say that I really fell for you back in the Buffy days. You were so brooding, so unattainable. The perfect rock to dash myself against. *sigh*
However, when you had your own series, Angel, I confess that I watched you somewhat sporadically. I'm sorry! I really didn't have the time or emotion to commit to another series at the time and sadly, your story line wasn't as compelling. YOU were very compelling - don't get me wrong! But, the series lost me after the vampire baby thing. (insert irony that I managed to complete Twilight series)
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Dear Jack-ass (s),
I am not your bitch. I facilitate your requests in the swiftest manner possible, but I refuse to perform any illegal actions to make up for your ignorance or poor planning. If your request is unlawful, I will tell you and expect you to move on. I will not fulfill any subsequent requests to either "turn a blind eye" or "make this one little exception." The tax-payers do not pay me nearly enough to go to jail for you.
Furthermore, when I brief you on the time-line necessary for completing any purchase requests I fully expect you to respect my timeline. I did not arbitrarily conjure this timeline up - it is based on the exact number of days and weeks my department needs in order to provide the best possible customer service. It is incumbent upon YOU to notify me of your needs as soon as you are made aware of them as opposed to, say, three days before you need them because guess what: I AM NOT A MIND READER!
Along those lines, if you are looking to blame someone (other than yourself, that is) for the fact that Admiral So-And-So is not going to be able to have a special "gift" then I suggest you hire someone specifically for that job because it is not my job. Neither is it my job to sit in silence while you curse up a blue streak because of YOUR OWN piss poor planning.
If your contractor's contract does not specify that he is entitled to travel - you should probably ask for a modification before you send him on travel. If the Commandant needs a new flag for tomorrow's event, you should probably have requested the flag when the event was planned. If you want to give something away at graduation - do not ask the government to pay for it, use your own checkbook.
In short, if you're looking for a scapegoat - please look elsewhere because I am not she. My department is comprised of actual human beings, not superheros. Now get out.
Monday, November 17, 2008
My mother, bless her soul, tactfully suggested that I might want to "practice my technique" before starting such a complicated and potentially ego-shattering project as a baby blanket. I humored her and discovered that her advice, as usual, was sound. I have managed to complete two swatches of knitted catastrophy so far.
Here is a picture:
Well done, no? Did you note the large-ish hole? How about that area where there appears to be no pattern what-so-ever? See that? Well, scoff away but this particular piece of calamity happens to be perfectly suitable for a pony's cape. Observe:
I'd say that's a silver lining - especially for CoCo the pony!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Find the 6th folder in your pictures directory and post the 6th photo in it.
So here are the instructions:
Go to your sixth picture folder then pick your sixth picture.
Pray that you remember the details.
Post it on your blog.
Well, I have my photos organized by year, then by month/season. So the sixth folder was 2006 and I decided to go to the sixth photo in the first folder - here it is:
This is a picture of a bed and breakfast I stayed out in October 2006. It's in the lovely little town of Washington, VA near the fantastic Shenandoah National Park. I had taken a little "mini break" while Muffin was at her Dad's house. Best. Therapy. Evah. I highly recommend solo mini breaks.
I took a couple of hikes in the Shenandoah National Park and enjoyed the changing season. I also got a little "artsy" and photographed pretty much every damn thing I came across. As I was going through my folders to complete this meme I stopped and lingered over these pictures. I had almost forgotten about that trip, but at the time it did a lot to help clear my mind.
So thank you Laughing At Chaos! Thanks for the trip down memory lane and for helping me redisover some awesome pictures. Anyone looking for blog fodder should give this meme a try!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Yes, I know that I am evil but I think that a large All Meat pizza will help me forget that fact.
Mmmmm... Meat... Yeah, I feel better already.
Getting up earlier sucks in many many ways. Not only am I prone to be grumpy and rushed, but my daughter is prone to dragging her feet and whining. I managed to keep my cool but I had to make a sacrifice. I knew I didn't have time to shave my legs AND fix my hair so I chose to forgo the curling iron. Before you start calling me crazy let me also add that it was raining cats and dogs outside so I felt that any hair styling would be futile anyway.
Ok, so we're up extra early, extra whiny and extra rushed. And it's raining cats and dogs. Having learned from last week mistake of wearing pantyhose and pumps during a storm I wisely chose to wear civilian clothes to work and change there. Surprisingly, I managed to get Muffin to school and make my appointment on time where Dr. Perio
By the time I pulled into my parking space it had gone from raining cats and dogs to raining hippos and rhinos. It was absolutely pouring and of course I didn't have an umbrella in my car. These circumstances lead me to discover that the back part of a poncho can be flipped up over the head in a make-shift hood. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but that's really nothing new so I didn't care. Much.
After a long wet and whiny morning I finally made it to the office. I changed into my uniform and got to work hoping against hope that I was not the only one looking like a drowned rat. Then a coworker came into the office and said "Hey, your hair really looks good today."
Excuse me? Today, my hair looks good? Today, when it's been rained on, wind blown and haphazardly covered with a fuzzy poncho? Today? When every other day I spend at least 20 minutes trying to curl it into some semblance of a recognized hairstyle? Really? Today!?!?!
So, I guess I can forget all that prep work in the mornings from now on. Turns out Mother Nature is the best hairstylist after all! Whoo Hoo, I'm throwing out all of my products!
Err, just kidding. I paid too much for those bitches.
(picture courtesy of google images)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I miss living with my sister for many reasons - but one of the top ten has to be her fearless attitude when it comes to trying out new liquor. I could never predict what she would come home with, she probably couldn't either! It would take her at least an hour to drive two miles to the liquor store, peruse the shelves and pick out something interesting and new.
I, being the big-fat-fraidy-cat that I am, go straight to the vodka (sometimes gin) section, grab the old standby and head to the cash register. Sissy goes up and down the aisles like a kid in a candy store. Picking up a bottle here, reading a label there, admiring a nice display of half-nekkid women with rum...
One time she came back with some Ciroc, a type of vodka (she knows me so well!) I asked what inspired her to pick up that particular bottle. She answered:
"It's the vodka that Bobby Brown makes."
"That's..." I searched for the right word "interesting!" I finally responded. Hey, I pick out bottles of wine because the labels are pretty! Who am I to fault her for picking out liquor based on a drug addled celebrity?
Imagine my surprise when I eventually saw a commercial for this vodka with P. Diddy lounging amid scantily clad women. I laughed and told Sissy about her mix-up. Well, they both wear sunglasses but I'm not sure that P. Diddy would be amused at the reference.
She just shrugged "Whoever made it did a good job." Details are clearly unimportant in these matters.
Now my sissy is happily picking out celebrity liquor for her husband. I'm very happy for them both and I hope I get the opportunity to hang out and enjoy another fun evening soon. One good night of laughter is worth more than Prozac to me. Thanks Sissy!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Along with all the fun came a sad little incident. My daughter technically "stole" some candy. I allowed her to have a piece of left over Halloween candy after lunch and dinner but apparently that was not enough for her. My mom told me that she found empty candy wrappers in the bed that Muffin uses as well as stuffed between the couch cushions. When I confronted Muffin about it she said "I don't care."
"I don't care," with a shoulder shrug and an eye roll.
Obviously that answer wasn't what I was looking for so I sent her to her room to think up an appropriate response while I regained my temper. Why did she take the candy when she knows better? Why did she say "I don't care?" Why does she feel the need to sneak candy in the first place!
When Muffin re-emerged, appropriately contrite with tears streaming down her face, we discussed the issue of trust. I'm not entirely convinced that she was not just putting on a show for my benefit. I'm going to have to let it play out, I suppose. But I don't like it.
Meanwhile, I'll knit and purl and pray that I'm not raising a heartless monster. Maybe my selfless contributions to the needy infants will cancel out the bad karma.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I was in TAP (Transition Assistance Program) class this week. It's a week long course intended to ease the transition of military personnel from the
I'm taking this class because EVERYONE told me that I need to. I was told that it provides lots of good interview techniques and resume templates. That the class would help me determine which method of job hunting is right for me. That it would miraculously unveil the secrets to a successful job fair outing. To those people I say "
In my opinion, this class is clearly intended to gather up the disgruntled service people who are not leaving the service via retirement and allow them an opportunity to vent about how spectacularly awful USS Last Ship was. Or, perhaps they want to explain how Senior Chief Bozo liked to single them out and humiliate them. There are many variations on the same theme and they all equal "disgruntled."
I thought to myself "Golly, did you guys even GO to boot camp?" I mean, I could tell from the commercials that Navy life did not consist of lolling about eating bon bons! OCS (Officer Candidates School) cured me of any other delusions that may have still been fluttering around my brain and my first ship pretty much crushed my soul. But I expected that!
I knew that it was going to be tough. I knew it was going to be a life-sucking way to earn a living. However, I also knew that the potential rewards far outweighed the drawbacks. Perhaps I would have felt differently if I had been in the enlisted ranks rather than an officer corps, but I'm not sure.
To sum up: This class is not what I thought it was going to be but I took from it what I could. I have some serious decisions to make in the near future. My future is a blank slate and that's scary. I'm grateful for the former service members who take time to guide those of us getting out. Everybody's story is different. I've learned from mine, I hope my fellow shipmates have learned as well. Good luck in the big dance, ya'll!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Players: Muffin and Me
Me: You're the most special person in the world to me, Muffin. You know that?
Muffin: Mmmm-hmmm. (sips milk in agreement)
**insert lengthy pause* *
Me: So, um, like, who is the most special person in the world to you? (slightly pushing the envelope for reasons of self esteem)
Muffin: Well, (sips more milk), I'd have to say Grandmama.
Me: (thoroughly rebuffed) Oh. I see. Alright, I'm going upstairs to the bathroom and
cryrun your bath. Please come up when you have put your dishes on the counter.
The scene: The Bath
The Players: Muffin and Me
Muffin: Mama! The water is too COLD!
Me: Shoot! Yesterday it was too hot! I can't seem to get it right. (joking) Do you want a new Mama?
Muffin: No. You're a special Mama.
Me: (thinking "finally!") Really? How am I special? (and that is what is called "seriously pushing the envelope into regions best left a mystery")
Muffin: You're special because you can't seem to do anything right. You forgot my vitamins too!
And there you have it. Simply ask your preschooler for their honest thoughts. I'm sure it will both humble and amaze you. Apparently I'm special in the "short bus" sense of the term. But, hey - at least I'm special! Beep Beep!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
1. It is not advisable to eat Activia Yogurt, a bag of prunes and a serving of figs in the classroom. One individual learned this the hard way and spent many an uncomfortable moment trying to stifle certain emissions.
2. When a person is in a position to allow aforementioned emissions free - the emissions are not forthcoming. The sneaky bastards wait until you're in class again. Dammit!
3. When putting on control top panty-hose it is possible to do a very respectable imitation of a headbanger or mosh pit thrasher.
4. When pulling up aforementioned control top panty-hose in the confines of a public restroom it is advisable not to take the headbanging too literally as it is entirely possible (even probable) that you will actually bang your head on the stall door.
5. Galoshes are "smart" shoes because they cover your feet and part of your legs. (This lesson was taught to me by a certain four-year-old in the back seat who was musing on the various types of footwear one should wear in a storm.)
6. Dress shoes and panty-hose are not "smart" attire in a storm as they allow nearly everything to get soaked. (This lesson was also taught to me by a certain four-year-old after we entered the house.)
7. Gas, panty-hose and storms suck.
Hope your Wednesday was better than mine!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Anyway, there aren't that many officers in this class so we all pretty much scoped each other out in the beginning. There is superwoman (who actually makes the uniform look good), disdainful senior officer (too stuck up to socialize with us peons), dude with the glasses (who appears to have chosen the same seating strategy as me - except on the other side) and me - the chick in the skirt. The ONLY chick in a class of 64 people wearing a skirt.
After one of our breaks today the fellow with the glasses came up and introduced himself to me. We chatted and I managed to slip in the fact that I'm a single mom while he managed to slip in the fact that he's single as well. Anyway, conversation wound down as he went to get a soda and I went to the ladies room where I discovered that I was blushing. BLUSHING!
Yes, I had already mentally married us and was trying to decided if I like the way his last name sounded with mine. I don't know why I do it - but I always seem to be sizing up the men I meet for potential eligibility. I keep telling myself that I'm not in a position to date right now - that I don't even really want to date - and yet, I can not seem to help myself.
I consider all the options: attractiveness, potential prowess in bed, potential attachment to mother, ex-girlfriends/wives, willingness to share me with my daughter, willingness to work, etc. Before you know it I have sized him up and found him wanting. I have mentally married and divorced him. And he has NO idea.
Now I have to finish out the class with me feeling uncomfortable about breaking his heart while he's sitting oblivious on the other side of the room. Talk about awkward!
Monday, November 3, 2008
It's right up there with "Strictly Ballroom" and "The Cutting Edge" in my book. (Toe Pick!)
For me, a cult movie has always embodied fantasy. A perfect ending that never happens in real life.