Saturday, May 31, 2008

Muffin is awesome.

Yeah, yeah I know - I'm supposed to say that. But seriously though, my daughter rocks. Here are three things that make her super cool (aside from the fact that she's potty trained and can eat out without a booster seat).

1. The fact that she completely made up a word two years ago and continues to use it. This word is "alsoly" or maybe it should be spelled "awesoly" I'm not sure. Anyway, she uses it instead of "also" and she uses it instead of "always." So it's a multipurpose word and being a multitasking type gal - I can dig it.

2. The fact that she offered to clean up the cat sick this morning. I mean, really. That's the whole reason to have kids - isn't it? So that they can fetch beer (in my case, wine) and clean up? At four she has already secured her spot in the household.

3. The fact that she sincerely wants to be self-sufficient and is eager to learn ways/things that will make her more so. You go Muffin! You're on your way to ensuring that you'll never be let down because you can always do for yourself. Case and point - the DVD controls. She absolutely HAS to be in control of the remote. If she doesn't know what's going on, she'll ask but she won't relinquish control. Again, like mother - like daughter.

So yeah. She rocks. Sometimes I want to strangle her with whatever is available, but mostly I'm just glad that she "allows" me to hug her and plant a big fat wet kiss on her cheek. I love you Muffin! May you always be as independent, helpful and completely self reliant as you are right now.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Gratuitous Fan Service

To be viewed while humming Etta James's "At Last" and drinking a glass of wine. Full review to be posted later. When I come back to reality.

Hot Damn!

Here is the link to the song -

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just in case you might have forgotten...

So long and thanks for all the shirtless hotties!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

I need an intervention

I'm looking over my blog and noticing that I comment quite a bit on the relative hotness of men - specifically male actors. Obsess much? I think I might!

I vow to add a few posts with some substance in the near future. Promise. Thanks for bearing with me in my man-deprived, boy-crazy state of mind.

Jeez! Note to self: GET OUT MORE!

Wherein I eat humble pie... Mmmm...

I was wrong. So, so wrong. My eyes have been opened. Matthew Fox is a freaking hottie.

We saw Speed Racer this afternoon (I KNOW! Three movies in one week!) and it blew me away. It was a technicolored candy dish of a movie. Fun, funny and incredibly action packed - it is an absolute thrill ride. I enjoyed it. Glad I got to see it on the big screen. Best part? Racer X.

Matthew Fox was perfect and he didn't act like Jack at all! Yay Matthew Fox! I'm still going to be a Sawyer girl first and foremost - but you can pinch hit for him any time, babe.

Caspian is a hottie

I went to see Prince Caspian yesterday (see what happens when my daughter is at her dad's? I see lots of movies!) and was pretty impressed. Impressed with the hotness of Ben Barnes. Sure his hair is a little poofy, but I can deal with that! The rest of the movie was great too - lots more action than the first one. One final comment: Queen Susan? Is that you? Or is that Xena? Damn girl! Get down with your bad self!

So here's a picture of my new fantasy boyfriend. I hope he's of legal age!

He's so adorable. Can I keep him, please? I promise to feed him and take him for walks every day!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A testament to my vanity

I just realized that I'm having a good hair day.

Seriously, it's perfect.

It's so perfect that I'm considering skipping my afternoon workout and going somewhere heavily populated so that everyone can see my perfect hair.

Maybe I'll buy some new lip gloss to go with my perfect hair.

Or maybe I'll just go home and pray for my soul.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Lost Review - since it's not on tonight...

Great episode - I'm really going to have withdrawal symptoms when this season is over... Let's start with the flash forwards...

First off, it's official - the Oceanic Six were all on the rescue plane and Aaron was one of them. Also, seems pretty clear that Jin isn't going to make it for one reason or another. Along with Jin, Sayid pretty much confirmed that none of the other passengers could possibly be alive. What does that say about Michael I wonder? Will he perish? Or go into hiding? And what about Walt? How can he be in NYC and dead at the same time? Hmmm...

What I found most poignant about the reunion scene was the complete lack of family for either Kate or Sayid. That's just plain sad. It was great to see Hurley's parents again and I'd all but forgotten that Jack had a mother (it's been so long since we've seen her!). Also, was this the first time we saw Sun's mom? I don't remember her at all...

The press interview was full of loaded questions that were neatly deflected. For being in shock, these guys did a great job. Who else wants to know the sum of the Oceanic settlement? It must be a whopper if it could allow Sun to buy controlling interest in her daddy's firm!

And finally - Jack got the Claire bomb dropped on him at his daddy's memorial. The look on his face was Oscar-worthy. It was as though he had either just been shot in the chest or just swallowed a bug. Awesome. I guess this is why he was freaky about seeing Aaron at Kate's trial. He knows! He knows and he feels guilty - for what? Guess we'll have to wait and see!

Moving onto Island Life...

I love the amount of "damn it" faces in this episode. Sawyer was like "damn it" when Jack went traipsing off into the jungle to track the helo. Sayid was all "damn it" when he heard that Jack and Kate went running off after the helicopter. Jack and Sawyer were both "damn it" when they realized that Hurley was heading straight towards danger at the orchid. Hurley was like "damn it. Wait, I don't care" when he found out the crackers were 15 years old. Too funny.

All of the scenes with Ben, Locke and Hurley were entertaining. Ben is obviously reasserting himself as the leader - bossing everyone this way and that. It makes me feel a little sad for Locke because he desperately wants to be the chosen one. Still, Locke's need for validation is really no excuse for blinding stupidity. He should really know by now that Ben has no intention of giving him all the secrets of the island. Ben will continue to play on Locke's heart strings, feeding him island tidbits little by little until, ultimately, Ben's goals are accomplished.

That being said... I believe I can safely say that I'm on team Ben for the time being. If the ultimate showdown is going to be between Widmore and Ben - I'm going for Ben (but I sincerely hope that Penny doesn't get hurt!) I just can't help but admire this fellow that is so all-or-nothing about his purpose.

And speaking of purpose... What is the purpose of all that C-4 in the comm room on the freighter? I've read a couple of rumors around the web that allude to the fact that Keamy's fancy little arm-band is actually some kind of bomb control mechanism that will ensure he gets safely back to the freighter. Good enough for me! Obviously, if it is a bomb, it can't go off while Sun and Aaron are on board - because they make it off. (I hope that Desmond makes it off too!)

As for the remaining members of the Oceanic Six... How do Kate and Sayid escape the clutches of the Others? How do Jack and Hurley wind up going to safety and not Sawyer and Locke? (Well, I can guess why Locke isn't rescued - he doesn't want to be) Will the island actually move? Does it move in space and time as Daniel's little notebook seems to imply? What about Daniel and Charlotte - are they stranded on the island or do they make it to safety? Finally, what about the rest of the crash victims? Do they die? Do they move with the island? I don't know about you, but I'm hoping for answers to all of these questions next week when Lost returns with a two-hour finale!

Hurricanes, Tornadoes and Hail - Oh My!

A couple of weeks ago several tornadoes touched down here in Southeast VA. I was in the car, with my daughter, while a tornado uprooted trees in front and behind us on the highway. Surprisingly, Muffin was OK with this - I was freaking the F*** out.

After it was all over, the police had to redirect everyone because the highway was in shambles. It took me five hours to find an alternate route home because I really know absolutely nothing about Suffolk. Anyway, I figured that after that experience - I'd paid off any highway karma debt I owed for a long, long time.

It's been two years since I was in a storm like that. The last time was the Summer of 2006 when I had to drive through a hurricane in order to be an usher in a stupid graduation ceremony where I work. The drive was awful, roads were flooded, cars were stalled out, the wind was terrible. But - I did as I was directed and came in only to be told that they decided maybe it wasn't a good idea to hold the ceremony during a hurricane and by the way, I could turn around and go home. No the hell I wasn't going home! I just got out of that mess! So, I sat at my computer and watched the weather channel's Doppler radar until I thought I could brave it again.

That being said, when the tornado experience happened I figured I had it coming. It'd been nearly two years and I hadn't experienced any hair-raising traffic scares in a while. Nature needed me to learn that I should never be complacent, blah, blah, blah.

But yesterday, (just three weeks after the freaking tornado) I went out to my car and saw that the sky was green. Green! In my job I've seen some very interesting weather conditions, but I've never seen a green sky. I had planned to do a little shopping after work, but decided that it might be in my best interest to head straight home instead.

About five minutes later, the sky opened up and the rain came in sheets across the road. Well, I can handle rain. Even hard rain. Then, I noticed a peculiar "pinging" noise and saw that a few raindrops were actually bouncing off my car. Bouncing rain drops?

Then the bouncing raindrops got bigger and the noise got louder and I was reminded of that time when I worked at the golf course and those asshole golfers actually aimed at me when I drove the little ball-fetcher-mobile around the driving range. Yeah, it was freaking hail. At first the hail wasn't very big but then it got to be about the size of a marble and then, according to the news reports, it got as big as a quarter.

If it was just little bitty hail, I wouldn't have freaked out - but this shit was huge and loud and there was lots of it! Seriously - have you ever heard one of those "rain stick" things? It sounded a lot like that except it was louder and lasted for about 20 minutes. And I was thinking to myself "Really? Again with the nasty storm on the highway? Sheesh!" I was hunched up in my car, shoulders up to my ears, hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel when I turned to the side and noticed the joker next to me calmly talking on his cellphone and driving with one hand. Seriously? In this storm, with that wind, not to mention the HAIL - you really need to talk on your cell?

I must be a complete weather pussy. Either way, I hope that NOW my weather karma debt has finally been fulfilled. And yet, hurricane season is just around the corner. brrrr...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Portrait Confession

I love getting Muffin's picture taken. However, I have a serious problem actually buying frames and displaying the pictures I've just paid over $100 for. Am I alone in this?

I have a shelf on my desk that is literally over six inches high with "to be framed" pictures of my daughter in various cute stages of life. The picture on my desk of the two of us is so old that Muffin is sporting a mo-hawk and I've still got my big breast-feeding boobs. (Damn, I miss those boobs!)

It's not like frames are that hard to come by - I've seen some great ones in Kohls and TJ Maxx. However, every time I go near the frame section I start to get overwhelmed with the choices! Do I want wood, silver, bronze, one with a cute phrase, one with intricate details, what do I want!?! Before you know it I'm freaked out and moving on to the shoe section (because damn, who can't use more shoes!).

Still, we just got some great family pictures taken and there is a super cute one of me and Muffin. I'm going to pull on my big girl panties and make a choice. Today. Whew.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Star Wars Lols...

Just for my little sissy. We played Barbie together. Our connection is eternal.

Movie Backdrop

I've already mentioned that my Sissy and I went to see Iron Man today. It was great - really, really entertaining. I give it my highest recommendation. (BTW - stay until the end of the credits!)

But... You know how watching a movie can sometimes alter your reality filter? I don't know about other people, but after watching a movie I'm often suffused with the essence of the movie. I feel like my reality is blurred and I'm seeing things through a "movie filter."

Perhaps I just need to take some sort of pill to fix this feeling, I don't know...

I do know that exposure to the television was rare in my childhood. We were not allowed, as a general rule, to watch TV when I was growing up. However, we were allowed to watch movies (previously approved) - especially when Mom and Dad went out. And while this privilege was sacred, my younger sister and I actually multi-tasked by playing with toys and watching the movies at the same time.

Anyway, for me - there is one series in particular that will always be the background for my childhood. By background I mean, certain movies were the backdrop for my Barbie adventures. This list of movies is topped by the original Star Wars Trilogy.

I'm not entirely confident (but I'm pretty sure) that my attraction to a certain "bad boy" persona may be attributed to Han Solo. Allow me a quote:" You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life."

Well, honestly. Does Barbie have a chance when her Ken says such a thing?

I like scoundrels. Always have. It's in my upbringing! No excuses. Just an explanation.

Sunday, lovely Sunday

Muffin is at her Dad's for the week and I was feeling despondent. So, my Sissy took me out for brunch, shopping and to see Iron Man. I had Crab Cake Benedict and a mimosa. It was fantastic. The movie was fantastic too. If you go and see it - be sure to stay until the very end! There's a surprise! :)

Hope ya'll are having as fine a day as we are here in VAB. I'm off to cook some pizzas on the grill and drink some wine.

Maybe I'll even drink it out of a wine glass as opposed to cup. I'm a "dropper." I drop nice things and I have no control over it so if I'm ever at your house - please don't let me hold anything you ever want to see/use/cherish again.

Have you ever read Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins? Allow me to paraphase a line from that book: My hands are the place where glassware comes to die.

Guess that sums it up. *Ahem* Now, about that wine...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

When the roses bloom again...

If you have a minute, please take a listen to this song.

It's sappy, but it's indicative as to why I still listen to NPR and why I'm still in the service of the US Navy.

I heard this song on "A Prairie Home Companion" earlier this evening.

It made me cry.

I believe that this song is symbolic of why war is both horrible and beautiful at the same time.

I can not identify this song with anyone I know - or their loved ones. However, I realize that in this- I am an innocent.

I am forever grateful of that kind of innocence.

I am forever grateful for those that give me this innocence.

Semper Fidelis. Hoo Ra. God Bless.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Attack of the Zombie Squirrel

This morning we were attacked by a squirrel. I am not even joking about this. I was busy surfing the web cleaning when I heard some strange noises coming from the vicinity of the sliding glass door. Turns out my cat Zephyr was banging herself against the door trying to get to the squirrel on the other side. The squirrel that was trying to get INSIDE!

It was pacing back and forth, scratching at the glass and making weird chittery noises. I was instantly reminded of those awful zombie movies. (You know, where the zombies surround your house and look for ways to get at the main characters!) I tapped the glass and it chittered at me but didn't go anywhere. This may be the point where sensible people call animal control or ghost busters - but not me. I went for the camera.

Have you ever tried to take a picture through a filthy sliding glass door? All you get is "flash" but thankfully the flash was all it took to scare the beast away. The damn thing didn't go very far though, it ran up the pine tree, turned around and started yelling at me about how it was going to feast on my brains and waving it's tail in a very threatening manner.

Then to make matters worse, it's little buddy came down and started yelling at me too. Clearly they were planning an attack and I was already thinking how funny my obit was going to read. Thankfully we were all saved by a robin whose dive-bomb out of nowhere spooked the little savages and sent sent them scurrying off.

A heroic bird saved us the zombie squirrels.

Is it too early in the day to start drinking?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Oh Wait! Did I mention drama?

Speaking of...
Survivor. ANTM.
Ahhhhh, where to begin. Where. To. Begin.

I'm going with Survivor. It was dramatic and full of "re-lived" moments of drama which heightened the overall experience of the final Tribal Council. There was love, there was hate, there was bitterness and there was a dropped ball. Yes Amanda, you dropped it. To quote JP, it was your game to lose and you did it. I think it can be chalked up to the fact that you were less of a fierce competitor - but Eliza kinda summed it up: You went around with a vacant expression on your face. How can the jury (aside from the men in love with you) justify a vote for you!

Parv, Parv, Parv... You beat me. I didn't think that flirt thing would take you to the end. However you translated "flirt" into "strategy" and it worked for you so hats off. Hats Off! You deserve it! You went into the final TC with an entire jury against you - and you turned it around. Obviously, you're the better player and I'm glad you wound up with the payoff.

And now... WHITNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh My Gawd, Whitney! For real - did any of you think she was going to be ANTM? Hellz No! Want to know why? Because she was out-modeled (is that a term?) every step of the way by better girls. Girls that I knew should stay but privately rejoiced when they exited. I wanted it to be Whitney. She's large and in charge. She's bouncy and bootie-ful. She's America's Next Top Model. And, though I'm convinced it's fixed, I'm happy. They rigged it so a "full figured" model could win. And she represents me. (Even though I'm not blond and my boobs aren't nearly so bouncy)

A week of drama and I've yet to watch Lost! Good Night!

Segue to drama

Let me start off this post with a huge shout-out to my newest favorite reality tv-dramedy... Viva Hollywood. The drama is simply majestic. I can't even find words to describe this fantasy of passion and betrayal.

Aside: I've often told Sissy, my older sister who lives with me, that I watch the Hispanic cable station for the drama. What this says about me, I'm not sure I want to know - but it's so true! The telenovela has the corner market on drama!

On top of the drama - they've got super awesome period costumes. It's absolutely fantabulous. The best part about this show, aside from the drama, is the drinking. It's absolutely marinated. And I love it! By the way, for the record, I don't speak Spanish - I just wish, really hard, that I could so that I could fully embrace the telenovela experience. *sigh*

So, speaking of drama... did I mention my daughter's irrational fear of public toilets?

No? Well, let me elaborate... In truth, it's not really the public potty that's the problem - it's the automatic flushing mechanism. She was spooked a couple of years ago during the potty training phase and has since associated all public toilets with a scary noise. Flash forward to our trip to the local Wawa today...

(btw, Wawa is the best gas station/convenience store ever built. Three words - Free ATM Service. Need I say more?)

So, we were inside looking for something to drink and, naturally, Muffin decided she really had to go to the bathroom. We take a detour to the Wawa's impeccably clean restrooms and Muffin does her business. I'm rooting through my purse for some lipstick when suddenly the toilet flushes. Loudly. And Muffin come screaming out of the stall (pants around her knees) at high speed.

"The loud potty hurt my feelings!" she screams. I hug and comfort her - to no avail. She's basically inconsolable. Not even the 16 oz Wawa double chocolate milk will make it right. And you know what? At this point, I really should have known better. There I was, more concerned with my lipstick than ensuring that her potty experience would be stress free.

Ka-Ching! Do you hear that? Yet another dollar contributed to the therapy fund.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day Vacation

I'm in my parents house listening to them convert my brother to their religion of choice - the blood-type diet. (They are retired, they need something to occupy themselves with...) They've tried to convert my sisters and I, but we're too stubborn (and frankly - I love tomatoes! I'm not giving them up!). My brother is sounding interested and has just stated that he would like to buy the book. Congratulations Mom and Dad, you've witnessed another convert!

Yes, I'm home in NC again. I'm not spending the whole week here, just staying until Wednesday and then it's back to my real life. My brother is visiting from Texas and yesterday my Mom had all of her children along with her one, very special, grandchild together for Mother's Day. It's too bad the gift didn't arrive. My poor brother did a lot of research to find the perfect watch for Mom and when he placed the order in FEBRUARY they said it would get here in plenty of time. Whoops, they were wrong. Assholes.

Still, she seemed to be happy that we were all together. Actually, after a whole pitcher of margaritas Mom was pretty happy in general. We went out for Mexican after getting our picture taken. Oh yes, we had our picture taken. Because this is a once in a lifetime event and it's been 20 years since the last family portrait. Mom asked us all to wear a navy blue top with blue jeans. It turned out pretty well! My elder sister recommended the "beach scene" background and with our casual attire we really swanked it up.

Is that a word? Swanked? Well, we did. Here's the picture to prove it - check out Ms. Bebop herself - lounged in front with a very sassy look on her face. Mee-ow!

(Also, please note that I am the only Hispanic looking member of the family. That's because I insisted on my Mystic Tan. I'm an addict. What else can I say? But hey - I've got good color!)

Ha, ha! Famblee! (Hmmm, if you haven't been raised on the George C. Scott version of The Christmas Carol, you probably don't know what I'm talking about... Go rent it next Christmas!)

So, the point of this post? Mother's Day is special. Treat her like a queen. Even if that means you're the only Hispanic-looking "child" in the grouping.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Enchanted? Not so much.

I put this movie in my Netflix queue because I thought Muffin and I would be able to enjoy it together. Boy, was I ever wrong! Who knew!

Apparently, it's 100% acceptable for the wicked witch in Sleeping Beauty to transform into a dragon and wreak havoc upon all mankind. And yet, when her "real life" counter-part attempts the same - all hell breaks loose.

Calicobebop's review:

This movie is cute and charming. I admire the cast of charcters (Dr. McDreamy and dude from 27 dresses). The integration of real-time and animation was inspiring (better than Who Framed Roger Rabbit!). I am especially inspired by the "love conqures all" theme. I believe that it's something all young women should live by.

Muffin's review:

I'm done. Is this over yet? I don't like this. Is there pop-corn? I'm scared. That lady is scary. Mama, that lady is evil.

End result: My daughter, traumatized yet again. I'm beginning to despair of us ever watching a movie together that isn't animated. Thank goodness I love Disney!

Thursday Nite - Ladies and Locke

What a great night of television. I'm glad that I decided to watch ANTM in between Survivor and Lost - now I have all my favorite shows in one night! Whoo Hoo! Which to talk about first...

Survivor - TC is a bloody battleground. Four weeks in a row.

Yet another great episode. And I thought last week was going to be the end of the blindsides, but no. Poor, poor Erik was spun around blindfolded, let loose and asked to make a decision that ultimately cost him the game. In the clip I posted previously JP notes that Erik would have been a shoe-in for the win. And a likable guy on top! But those wily women convinced him to give up immunity in order to prove that he was trustworthy. While I feel a little sad for Erik, I am elated for reality TV. Very entertaining.

Sadly, I will not be able to watch the finale on Sunday due to previously arranged plans to be with family (it IS Mother's Day). But I will savore the two hours of challenges, backstabbing and ultimately TC Jury Fury for Wednesday night when I return. I just have to figure out how to stay away from any and all media references in the meantime...


When Tyra called her name second, after Anya, I let out a silent scream of elation!! (silent only because my daughter was asleep) Finally, a "real-sized" model making it to the final episode! I'm over the top. I realize that it will most likely come down to Anya and Fatima but I'm glad that Whit made it to the end. Thank Gawd Domonique was booted - took you long enough Tyra! And for what reason? Because she looks like a tranny. I really can't add anything to that. I don't think Fatima is all that great, but Anya is pretty consistent. I pick her for the win.

Lost - well, well, well...

So, Claire is possibly dead. That would explain why she emerged unscathed from the destroyed Other house. It would also explain why Miles was so interested in her. Is it me or did she look like a grubby pirate in the cabin? Seriously! Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can groom yourself, Claire. Look at Christian, he's pretty tidy! Get a hairbrush.

Also, it appears Locke was destined for the island from day one! I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. I'm always surprised to see the ageless Others. What is up with those guys! I was reading some theories earlier in the week and one fellow over on EW (I go there a lot) suggested that Charles Widmore is actually the Captain of the Black Rock and that he is trying to get back to the island that he discovered - HIS island. The others would therefore be his crew? Hmmm, well what about the ladies? It was a slave ship, so maybe the ladies were part of the cargo. I guess we'll see... I like the theory though!

Lastly, how in the wide world of sports are they going to move the island? Are they going to put it on Smokey's back and ride off into the sunset? Could the move account for why Jack can't seem to make it back? What about Sayid, Mr. Keemi, Desmond and the Captain of the freighter? Who's really in control? Is Michael's story-line over? So many delicious questions. Only a few episodes left.

Survivor Talk with Jeff Probst

Ok, by now we all know that JP is my fantasy boyfriend. Here is a clip from Survivor Talk, an Internet show on hosted by Dalton Ross. It's a fun clip, but was I was struck by is how the two hosts positively loomed over my man JP! Really! Are those two guys giants in the industry or what? Check it out for yourself - HERE!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

All About Me

It recently occurred to me that I'm incredibly self-involved. Not necessarily self-ish, but definitely self-involved. I have self-related thoughts pretty much all day long. Sure, they're interspersed with various daughter-related or work-related thoughts - but mostly, it's all about me. And of those self-related thoughts, most of them are focused on my weight. I thought about doing a spreadsheet to see exactly what percentage of time I spend fixated on my weight but I didn't want the interwebs to see what a dork I am who has the time for that? *ahem*

In addition to thinking about myself quite a bit, apparently I like others to think about me too. You know that person who finds some story in their own life to relate to the anecdote you just told? Yep, that's me. I've tried to get a handle on it as I've grown older, but it's a habit that's hard to break. I promise, I'm not trying to one-up anyone! I guess I just want to relate. And make people pay attention to me. But I'm getting better!

Therefore, I'm resolving (sort of half-way through the year) to try and focus my attention elsewhere. Perhaps on a pretty flower or maybe world hunger. I can't guarantee results, because I'm 33 years old and lets face it - this is a lifetime habit. But, I'm determined to think of something, ANYTHING, except my big fat ass.

Hmmm, speaking of my bum... Have you read I'm No Belle? Stacie turned me on to her blog and I was crying at my desk on Monday because it had me laughing so hard. In this post she talks about the origins of her "Sea Captain," a euphemism for her bottom. (By the time I'd reached that particular post, I was gasping for air and my work neighbors were giving me the "are you sure you didn't have a three martini lunch?" stare.) At the end of the post Scarlette asked what we would name our bottoms. The first thing that popped in my head was Jolly Roger.

**Actually, the first was Pirate but there are already way too many references to "butts" and "pirates" and I don't care to have any of them refer to me. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)**

So um, yeah, technically, the second thought was Jolly Roger because it's still vaguely both Pirate and Navy related. Seeing as I'm in the Navy and I'm a graduate of ECU (Home of the Pirates) I thought it was fitting. However, upon further reflection I realized that Roger may not be very jolly after all. I mean, Roger hasn't actually gotten his jollies since my FOUR YEAR OLD daughter was conceived. So, maybe just plain Roger would be more appropriate until such time as he becomes jolly again.

Therefore, I resolve not to think about how fat and un-jolly Roger has let himself become. Right after I drink this bottle of tequilla. *sob*

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Why not?

Why not just stay in our pajamas all day? After all, it's thunderstorming outside (as if the tornadoes earlier this week weren't enough!) We have the windows open, listening to the rain and the birdsong, feeling and smelling the cool wet breeze. So, why not just relax and enjoy this day where nature gives us a perfect excuse to do nothing?

Because my four-year-old - the task master, the slave driver - won't have it.

"What are we going to do today Mama?"

"Um, I was thinking we'd stay in our jammies and watch Disney movies!"

"No, I don't think so. I think you need to put some clothes on me. And on you."


"Yes Ma'am. We need to go somewhere. You need to buy me some shoes."


*Sigh* So much for a lazy Sunday. Target - here we come!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

What the Hell happened to Hal Sparks?

I think his publicist must have quit or maybe he started smoking crack. Or both.

I've had a HUGE crush on Hal Sparks since my very first VH1 "I love the 80's" episode. So witty. So insightful. So cute. Dream guy. PLUS! I think he's gay - which puts him in that "unattainable" category of men that I lust after for some reason. But, I digress...

Hal Sparks from "I love the 80's," "I love the 80's part deux," and "I love the 80's 3D" is a sweet, charming, funny (Hawt) guy-next-door that you would totally love to make out with. Observe:


Rocking bod!

Sexy lips!

Altogether - a perfect package.

While channel surfing I ran across an advertisement for a new VH1 celebreality show - CelebraCadabra! The title alone is gay beyond words. I was mentally scoffing the concept when who should appear before my eyes? Hal Sparks!! Looking SKANKY! And the little part of my soul that still believed in fairies died.

Oh Hal! What is going on with you? Please do this fan-babe a favor and clean up your act - and I'm not talking about the magic. Cut the hair, lose the "I'm really a metal head" attire and get back to doing what you do best: Providing witty commentary to pop culture.

Oh, and by the way, Hal, if you're not gay? Call me! Kai, thanx.

Friday, May 2, 2008

More lols... Because it's Friday!

Lost, Survivor and ANTM - In One Fell Swoop!

Starting first with Lost and my new obsession - making lols from Lost screen captures. Who needs more to do at work? Um, not me?

This week's Jack-centric episode was somewhat enlightening. I believe this episode comes before the finale from last season. If so, that explains why Jack, hovering on the edge of the deep-end, finally took the plunge into Crazy Land. Poor fellow. Hallucinations, drugs and crazy sex with the girl you love will do that with you I suppose. Oh, and the jealously. Yes, the jealousy - that will certainly do it.

Aside - I think I know what Kate was doing. I'll bet Sawyer asked her to go see his kid - the one that the woman who visited him in prison referred to? I'm pretty sure she was just passing on a message. But, of course, I could be very wrong.

Otherwise, not much went on this episode. We saw Jack begin to unravel, Hurley tearily passing along messages and Kate playing house. We saw Claire get lured into the jungle by her Dad (Dr. Sheppard making quite a few appearances these days!) and we ended with Sawyer taking possession of Aaron.

What did we learn? That Rousseau and Carl are really dead (DAMN!!), Charlotte can speak Korean (Cool!), Jack is not superman (duh), Kate really loves Jack (whatevers) and that Jack is not supposed to raise Aaron. At least I think that's what Hurley meant - although my first thought was in reference to Jack's Dad. Maybe Jack's not supposed to raise the dead! Who knows! It was way past my bedtime and I was sleepy.

Ok, moving on to Survivor - another great episode!! The tribal council almost had me convinced that Amanda was going home. If she makes it to the final two/three she'll be tough to beat. Although, the little victory dance up to JP might not win her any friends. Way to rub in their face Amanda! (Who am I kidding - I'd do it too!).

Natalie is looking more and more like the Devil to me. I just don't like her. As Debentropy pointed out - she looks like a rat. I was sad to see Alexis go, but I can appreciate the strategy. She's pretty likable too. I was super sad to see James go because he was always a source of humorous one-liners. Still, sporting the IV at TC was pretty hot. He rocked it!

Finally ANTM. So glad that Whitney is still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. So glad. The fact that Domonique remains is still a mystery. I have a feeling that Fatima will be leaving soon since she's been getting a lot of face time lately. Anya seems like the pre-ordained winner this cycle and I'm fine with that. Sad to see Katarzyna go, but better her than Whit! Whoo Hoo - "real sized" girls unite!