Friday, January 23, 2009

Heavy, Indeed.

Earlier in the week Muffin's Daddy called to say that he need to have a "conference" with me one day during lunch because he had some "heavy" shit to discuss. After our recent conversation wherein I told him that Muffin would no longer visit as long as his wife was present, I anticipated something along the lines of "divorce" and I was not disappointed.

The fact that he wanted to talk during our lunch hour and away from "interruptions" (as he put it) indicated that he didn't want his wife to hear, obviously. What with the complete lack of snow day on Tuesday and the fact that his wife apparently hid his cell phone out of spite on Wednesday - we were unable to talk until yesterday. That's when he asked if he could claim our daughter on his taxes this year, and in fact every other year, in order to help pay for a divorce.

Taken aback, I was unsure how to respond. First off, he has promised to divorce this harpy before and nothing ever came of it. Secondly, he doesn't pay the "less than $100" per month child support ordered by the court. Third, Muffin doesn't stay with him anywhere close to half of the year and FINALLY? I pay FOR EVERYTHING remotely associated the little girl!

Doctors, Dentists, Swim Lessons, Dance Lessons, any and all clothing that gets sent to his home as well as fancy Christmas outfits and Halloween costumes! I pay for her asthma and allergy prescriptions that are entirely due to his smoking. I pay for a good pre-school - even on the days when she visits his home. I provide 99.9% of all Muffin related expenses.

Not only that, but this year I'm resigning from a very well-paying job to move closer to my family and his in a fiscally challenging economic climate.

Now, I know he is not in the best of financial situations but I fail to see how that is my problem. On the other hand, if it means he gets a divorce from the evil woman he married which would mean that my Muffin would never have to be around her again - maybe it's worth it.

I told him that I'd consider it and I will. After I do my taxes and see what kind of a cut in refund we're talking about, that is. He replied "No pressure, just see what you can do." And now I have to make a decision. I hate making decisions almost as much as I hate talking to him and I blame him entirely for the bad mood that will cloud my weekend.

Oh well, that's my problem isn't it. In completely unrelated news... I will not post any thoughts about the Lost season premiere until later in the weekend for those of you that DVR'ed it and haven't watched the two hour episode. I must content myself with only remarking that I enjoyed every single minute and look forward to a season that has more answers than questions. Happy Friday!


hokgardner said...

What a sucky situation. You're a bigger person than I for even considering it.

Amber D. said...

I can understand your dilemma... My daughter's dad asked me the same thing several years ago, when I am the one who pays for EVERYTHING for the little one, he sees her maybe one month total out of the year, and he's never been great at getting the measley child support to me... I told him no, without a thought again about it, and it was the right decision for me (obviously, with the facts I just gave you). Ha.

You have a harder decision, though... on one hand it would be in your kiddo's best interest for him to divorce this evil lady, but on the other... are you SURE he would? I wish you lots of luck in making this tough decision!

Unknown said...

ok, LOST I knew you would enjoy it, Sawyer was shirtless though 98% of the show.

On the ex thing...I say if you aren't court ordered, I wouldn't do it. It isn't YOUR responisiblity to help him pay for the divorce. He got himself in that mess, he can get himself out. If he really wants to divorce her he will find a way and in NO WAY should that take away from YOU and MUFFIN.

Just my opinion.

Tina said...

Wow.. I would have Yelled..HELL NO!!

Kristi said...

Should I say Boo? Or Woo Hoo? It seems like a little of both are called for...

ATenorio said...

Wow, this must suck. My first reaction was, will claiming your daughter on his taxes really give him that much more money in the grand scheme of things? I mean, seriously, divorces are expensive. I could be totally wrong, but it seems like this would be just a drop in the bucket in comparison to the total cost of a divorce.

Missie said...

I agree with Stacie! He got himself in, he can get himself out. How dare he try to take advantage of you and your child together to pay for his mistake! It's sad, it's heartbreaking and it's his deal, not yours. Don't let someone else play on your good nature, intentional or not, because you happen to be a decent human being.

How unfair. To you and to your daughter.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

oh man, i can only imagine. i understand the dilemma, though. he is the father of your beautiful daughter, but he got himself into this fine mess... i'm sure that whatever decisions you make will be the right ones for you and your sweet daughter. gawd, i hate men. why do we need them? oh yeah, to procreate...

and you're right - heavy, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Ditto what Stacie said.

If he persists, I would suggest that you bring your lawyers into it and renegotiate everything financial. If he wants the deduction, he should have to pay up and assume his responsibilities first.

Mary said...

I think I've reread this enrty three times now- not knowing how to say what I think in a polite way (especially since I'm new here):
so I decided maybe that's b/c its not a nice, ex's and daddy's are a complicated mix and the less enmeshed you get with them, the better.
Don;t give in on this- sounds like you give more than is necessary as it is- and finacially, you need to look out for you nad Muffin first anf foremost. Sounds like he only looks out for himself anyway.there- my two-cents.
p.s. sawyer is just too much :)