Friday, January 29, 2010

Fuck You Friday - Mean Girls

This one is a two-parter. Both events happened yesterday.

Fuck you little bitch who said you didn’t want to be friends with my daughter. You think you’re so special? I’ve got news for you – you’re NOT! You think you have the power to make or break someone’s day? The next time I come to pick up my little girl and she is in tears from something your fugly ass said I will stomp you into next week. Capiche?

And Fuck You jeep driving C*** (even I can’t bring myself to use this word). Yeah, I heard you beeping behind me at the light but I’m sorry no amount of your angry gestures and frantic horn blowing is going to persuade me to put my car out in the middle of an intersection on the off chance that the cars ahead of me will move up before the light turns red. OK, I admit, I did delay a tad but seriously, you had it coming. Your behavior was uncalled for and if I had been in a better mood maybe I would have tried to comply. Oh who am I kidding! I should have just laid on the brakes and put the damn car in park. I don’t respond to that type of behavior. As a matter of fact, it makes me quite obstinate so next time I see your red Jeep I will behave exactly the same way. Just a little heads up.

What is with mean little girls?!?! My daughter was in tears yesterday afternoon because some little twat told Muffin to go away because she didn’t want to be friends with her. I mean SIX YEAR OLDS! I was aghast. I wish there was some way to shield Muffin from the type of behavior I that experienced all too well but I’m afraid all I can do is comfort her. And maybe teach her a few judo moves or something…

And as for the bitch in the Jeep? Seriously? I’m supposed to drive out in the middle of the intersection? Sure the light was green but there was no room on the other side! The light up ahead was red and nobody was moving? I have a kid in my car and I don’t give a flying fuck how desperate your need is to get through! UGH!

In happier news… My parents are here for the weekend. Muffin has a teacher work days both today and Monday so she’s getting some quality time with Grandmama and Granddaddy. I know all parties are very pleased with the arrangement. I intend to do some retail therapy this weekend. Happy Friday!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

WTF Thursday - Arlington Rap for Anonymous

For a special anonymous commenter - she knows what this is all about!

See you at the Starbucks!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not Wordless Wednesday - Chirstmas with Nog

Eggnog. Eggnog avec Captain Morgan's Rum. How else can you explain these pictures... (family forgive me!)

Present?!?! Where's my present!?!


Brown Betty SUGAR BOWL!


Uhmmmmm.... NIECE!

Yeah, the family that drinks spiked eggnog on Christmas morning together loves each other. Or, so I'm told. *cough* Ahem.

In all actuality - these pictures were taken quite soberly. BTW, notice that the blog owner is conspicuously absent. Guess who was the only one taking pictures! I mean, SERIOUSLY, are we over the top or what?

(must start grooming daughter for slightly more serious life now...)

No dear, theater classes are forbidden. Why? Ask your aunts and uncle. Mmmkai? Tks!

MWAH! I love my family - we are crazy but we are LEGION!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I *heart* Top Gear

Those of you that know me (ish) may have come to the conclusion that I'm fairly girly and not at all into things like sports, spitting, muscle cars or bugs. And that would be 99% true. The one exception in my world is Top Gear.

I fucking LOVE this show. LOVE IT! I cannot make it through an episode without tears of laughter streaking down my face. I love these guys:

Mostly because they are English and funny but I have always had a special place in my heart for people that really know their shit. And these guys really, really, really know cars. The talk about cars and various car related things like a sommelier talks about fine wine - kinda above my head but damn, it's sexy to listen to. And Jeremy (below) walks on water as far as I'm concerned.

They review various extremely fast and utterly unaffordable cars, have celebrities do a round on their practice track, as well as carry off unbelievable stunts such as the picture below which was taken during their Lorry Test.

Yep. It's one stop entertainment and I'm hooked. Whenever I'm feeling down all I have to do is watch an episode of Top Gear to get my bounce back. Thanks Jeremy, Richard and James! If we ever meet, I'll buy you a pint. And Stig, if we ever meet... I'll just point you to the nearest racing track.

Also, did you know that you can't use the "less than three" combination to make a little heart? Blogger thinks you're trying some kind of html tag. Learn something new every day!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Random Musings... Jan 25 2010

Random musings…

I haven’t done a lot of crafty type things lately and I’m beginning to feel guilty. It’s like knowing that you have the power to save the world and you’re just too lazy – I feel like the mere fact that I know how to knit means I had better have a project or several on the needles. I feel lazy. I blame the boxes. And Dragon Age.

Since my weight gain my boobs have grown and I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, they fill out sweaters but on the other they seem to catch things. Like crumbs. Still, it’s pretty satisfying to know that one’s cleavage is the best in the room. Not a feeling I’ve had very often, let me tell you.

My ipod still has Christmas music on it. For the life of me I can’t remember to update my music when I am at home (boxes!) and therefore I have limited listening at work. Grrr…

Speaking of work… I thought the military had the corner on acronyms but I was wrong! If you work for a business who’s customer is the government you are loaded down with buggers! My favorite is TAA because I always end up saying TNA. Because I’m obsessed with my “new” bewbs I guess. *smacks head*

I can't decide if facebook is awesome or evil. Right now I'm leaning towards evil. I reserve the right to change my mind, however.

What are people calling this decade? Does it have a name? Did the last decade have a name? I am/was essentially a child of the '80s and '90s. What is my child a child of? The new millennium? These kids are start thinking their pretty hot stuff with that kind of a title.

My parents are coming this weekend and that means my OCD needs to kick in so I can make the house suitable. Anyone know how to jump start that?

What was I just doing?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fuck You Friday Wonder Pet edition

This F-U Friday is dedicated to Samsmama for the facebook message that ruined started off my morning.

Fuck You Wonder Pets! Fuck your silly mind numbing song that loops in my head on repeat if I hear even a fraction of it at any time. Fuck your stupid little outfits and morality stories that always make Lenny out to be the all knowing God Of Helpfulness And Good Manners! Fuck you Ming Ming – I hate your lisp and you’re a selfish little bitch. Tuck, you’re just sad. Sad and STUPID! You never think for yourself! Fuck the fly-boat – could these preschool animals find a more ridiculous name for a flying contraption? My left elbow could come up with something more creative! Finally, FUCK all the absurd baby animals that are always getting in trouble! Here’s a hint – share, try new things and eat your veggies – then maybe the terrible self righteous trio won’t be called upon to save your dumb ass.

What's gonna work? My foot up your butt! I hate that show. And the fucking celery at the end.

In random WTF news I had a strange dream last night. I was knitting a scarf (shocker!) when I looked up and noticed that my younger sister was using my hair dryer. I said "You know that hair dryer is evil, don't you?" and it promptly tried to attack her. WTF? I don't know. I love my hair dryer and don't think it's evil at all.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

WTF Thursday

A friend of mine turned me on to this little gem...

How about some apple juice!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Long Weekend and Workplace Culture

So how was everyone’s long weekend? Sleep late? Have fun? Drink margaritas? A friend of mine came to town and spent the night – it was fun. We drank too much wine and laughed a lot. Then we went shopping the next day and ate greasy cheeseburgers. Good times, good times.

And that about sums it up. Not much, huh? In the interest of keeping my posts longer than one paragraph I’m going to reflect for a moment. I recently listened to a book on tape called “Among the Mad.” It’s a mystery set in 1930’s England and I have really enjoyed the series. In the book, the heroine notes that people who work together often pick up and use the same turns of phrase. So true!

I’ve had the pleasure to work in several different settings and have found that certain phrases seem to stick around each organization. For instance, when I started at the last place I worked I remember hearing someone say “send me the electrons” and at first I was a little confused. Turns out they were not actually asking for some type of chemical procedure but to have the electronic copy of a document sent via email. I’ve never heard that phrase used anywhere else but at my last duty station it was very common.

It is common to use the term “kibosh” where I work now. Putting the kibosh on things is a relatively frequent occurrence and again, I’ve never heard the term used in another organization. I was speaking to an individual who works for another agency now but used to work for us and HE used the term kibosh as well! It’s a culture.

So, what’s your organization’s culture like? Use certain phrases a lot? Or not? Just me? Discuss!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fuck You Friday Returns

Since I left my old job I haven’t done any Fuck You Fridays. Possibly it’s because I actually really like my new job? Well, I shouldn’t limit myself to the inanities of the workplace. Possibly it’s because nothing has pissed me off. No, that’s certainly not it. Lots of things have pissed me off including the bat-shit-crazy lady I sublet from for almost three months. Well, I guess I don’t have a good reason for slacking in my profanity but that won’t stop me from starting up again!

Fuck you woman in the self-check-out line behind me. Have you NO sense of personal space at all? Is your little container of cheap-ass ham SO desperately needed that you must stand so close to me your sleeve is brushing my ass? Are you SO pressed for time that you cannot spare ONE second to allow me to bag my items and leave the terminal before you scan your stupid container of processed ham? And yes, in response to your raised eyebrows, you totally deserved the “eat shit and die” look that I flung upon you. And you deserved the crop dusting I left for you as well. Go to hell.

Wow, that felt good! Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

(Not Quite) Wordless Wednesday

I picked this little dress up at TJ Maxx on a whim... Now I can't get her to take it off! She loves being a princess ballerina!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

WTF Tuesday

I'm not sure if this is going to be a regular feature on my blog but I didn't have anything else to write about today so here goes...

Found at Once Upon A Win, a lovely video dating montage from the 1980's.

Yes, hard to believe these men are still single. All I've got to say is "Fire Breathing Dragons!" Enjoy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Weekend Wrap Up... 1/11/10

Muffin and I had a pretty laid back weekend – how about you?

Friday night we ate “special dinners” (frozen entrees) and watched Aladdin together. It was awesome to see her reaction – it was the first time she had seen it! Of course now she wants to watch it REPEATEDLY! What is up with kids and watching the same thing over and over and over ad nauseum? Oh well, it kept her occupied while I did some more unpacking and cleaning Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon my cousin L and her son R picked us up for a play date at the mall. First both of the younguns received a haircut and poor little R did not like it one bit! As the lady was snipping Muffin’s hair we heard the wails of a very unhappy little one – turns out it was R. But, as most 16-month-olds, his mood quickly changed and he became quiet and happy once again.

After the haircuts we had lunch and then it was off to the indoor play area. I wish I had a video camera to record Muffin’s antics. She “balleted” her way all around and through the toys. She twirled, lept, performed several arabesques and generally made my heart want to burst out of my chest with love. Completely oblivious of anything but her dance. I managed to take a picture with my cameraphone – but as you can see it’s very blurry.

I’m going to pause a moment here to rant reflect on these indoor play areas at the mall. They are a FREAKING ZOO! Seriously – people completely disregard the height restrictions and send their monster children in to wreak havoc on all the tots! Muffin is just barely able to get away with playing in there and I saw a dozen older kids who should have been booted out. As if that weren’t enough – there is no law in the play area except the law of the jungle. It’s kill or be killed. There are a few parents who stay with their tiny ones but for the most part all the adults are too busy talking on cell phones or with their neighbor to monitor their children’s behavior! I saw a little boy flatten an 18-month-old right in front of his mom and she did NOTHING! He kept going and the little girl’s dad came over to pick her up and dust her off. I’m just glad Muffin is big enough to hold her own. I’d hate to go down for cutting a kid.

Whew! Anyway! After the mad house play date we went back to Cousin L’s house and while little R took a nap we watched the Lion King. It was a nice afternoon followed by a nice evening. When Muffin and I returned home I warmed up some tomato soup and we watched Beauty and the Beast. Good times, good times…

Yesterday I blew my entire monthly budgeted amount of “fun money” at Kohls. I don’t know if I love or hate that place – I am a sucker for their sales! 70% off of flannel sheet sets? AWESOME! I bought clothes for me, clothes for Muffin, clothes for the bed, a necklace and some slippers. I am insane. After my spending high we went home and Muffin “discovered” her Christmas gifts that somebody *coughmecough* had kept in the trunk of the car. What? I had no where to put the damn things! It was like Christmas all over again! She had a blast and I resumed my unpacking/cleaning. We had breakfast for dinner and Muffin VOLUNTEERED to go to bed early because “I know we are getting up early tomorrow and I don’t want to be too sleepy.” I love her. She is awesome.

Well, that’s my weekend in a rather wordy nutshell. I played more Dragon Age and made out with a video game character. Is that sad? Probably. Oh well, he has a cute accent – plus, if I play my cards right, I might get to be his Queen. Ah yeah.

Ironically, the song playing on my ipod right now is “Kiss” by Prince. Nice tie in… Adios!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Resolutions, revolutions, revelations

I’m not a big fan of resolutions – mostly because I have a hard time with the root word: resolve. I don’t have a whole bunch of resolve. Not in my personal life anyway. Another blogger mentioned that she wanted to call her New Year pledges revolutions. I can kind of get behind that root word – I have been known to revolt (and be revolting) from time to time. However, my personal betterment list isn’t very revolutionary this year. Last year? Now that’s a different story!

When I think of everything that happened in the past year I’m still amazed that I made it through. This time last year I was gearing up to get my house on the market and still had the fact that I was leaving a lucrative career in a fiscally challenging time on the horizon! I am very blessed to have had all the pieces fall into place. Not that it was always a bed of roses (crazy land lady anyone?) but everything turned out far better than I was expecting.

No, no revolutions this year. I’m going to focus on personal betterment and being a good mom to my rapidly growing little girl. I want to lose weight – but I’m not going back to WW. I need to change my lifestyle for good and when I go to WW I mentally picture it as a short term lifestyle that always finds me “off the wagon” and unhappy. So, I will forgo the opportunity to lose weight quickly and focus on leading a better lifestyle while setting a good example for Muffin. We’ve had way too many Kid’s Cuisines in the house and mama just got a new crock pot so it’s time to get cooking.

I also want to save money again. I dipped heavily into savings those months without employment and it got to be kind of a habit. If I wanted something – bam, I bought it. Not a very smart practice to get into. I’ve worked out a budget and I intend to stick to it by working in a little play money. I mean to go about it in the same manner as my eating habits – not to go to extremes but adjust my lifestyle.

In the short term I want to get my house unpacked and make it into a home. I’d love to get Muffin back in dance lessons – but time is tight and I’m not sure how to work them in. I would also like to cut back on the alcohol now that the holidays are over and stressful times are receding. Ideally, I’d like to find some kind of community work to do – but that will likely have to wait until after I finish unpacking.

So, this year is not about revolutions but revelations and slow but steady growth. I am excited with my new job and new home and I am looking forward to some good times ahead. I'm going to do posts related to my "resolve" on Saturday since those are usually slow days and the posts are sure to put people to sleep. I really need to get my "weekly update" post started again with pictures of Muffin and recap of our week but I'm taking this commitment thing one day/week at a time.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Grooving? Groovy!

Five day work weeks suck. When one has had two short weeks and some vacation time - the regular work week is torture! To top it off - we had a couple of inches of snow last night, my daughter's school is on a delay but we couldn't enjoy the extra two hours because my workplace was hardcore following the federal government which rarely closes for anything. grrr...

Isn’t it hard to get back in the groove? I know it must be especially hard for those of you that spent the entire holiday season in their pajamas. *cough* I’ve found it tough to readjust to five day work weeks and school work but at the same time I seem to have more energy.

In the days before Muffin the holiday season was usually followed by at least two weeks of listless idleness that most call the post-holiday-let-down. Since Muffin has been on the scene I have not experienced this feeling. Maybe it’s because she gives me a sense of purpose? Maybe it’s because I look forward to the beginning of the new year as an opportunity to get squared away and organized. After all, this blog was started two years ago (on 1/13 to be exact) expressly for the purpose of documenting my organization strategy for the old townhouse with the pink carpet.

I yearn for the day when everything I own is properly stored in the right spot. Now that task seems more daunting than ever – but I’m taking this opportunity to do a serious purge of my belongings. And Muffin’s too, though she isn’t quite aware of it. I have plenty of closet space and enough furniture to make this little condo work out and I’m bound and determined to have it spit-spot by Easter.

So that’s my motivational fuel to get me back in the groove. I’ve got another post coming up concerning resolutions and stuff but I don’t really consider unpacking my house and purging my crap a real resolution. Possibly because it’s attainable? :) For now it’s my motivator and in these freezing gray days one has to take what one gets.

Has anyone else found a way to beat the January blues?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Chivalry Is Dead

Yes, stick a fork in it because chivalry is done. Last night I pulled into my parking space a little before my neighbor and proceeded to pile my arms high with school accessories, artwork, a heavy jacket, my purse and lunch box while Muffin managed her pony toy and book bag. As I was struggling to keep everything from falling to the ground my neighbor pulled in and parked his shiny new Acura. He got out, looked at Muffin and I as we were making our way to the door. Then, he bounced up the steps, opened the door, went inside and shut the door in our faces.

I was stunned – it’s not that I expected any assistance but to shut the damn door as we were reaching the top step? Muffin and I went inside and down to our front door without any problems but I could not stop thinking about that asshole. I mean, I usually go out of my way to keep a door open – especially for old people, moms with strollers, kids and pretty much anyone who has their hands full. This guy looked right at us, got in front of us and then slammed the door on us! Who does that?

He may or may not find that his shiny new Acura has a nice big scratch down the side today. Just saying…

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wordy Wednesday: My unholy mess

I know some of you can sympathize with my plight. How the fuck did I wind up with so much STUFF! These first two pictures were taken the day after the movers crammed all these boxes into my new, much small than the last, home.
I love how blissfully unaware my daughter is. After all, the mess will be taken care of by Mama, right? Dammit.
Sadly, Muffin was forced to celebrate her sixth birthday among the boxes. Well, at least she made out like a bandit! Happy Birthday Muffin! Mama loves you despite the fact that you are living in a ginormous mess.

This weekend is supposed to be bitterly cold so I think I may actually finish up the main living rooms of the house and Muffin's room as well. After all, my room can remain a mess - but the Muffinator must have a peaceful retreat! Wait a minute... That doesn't sound right! :)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Snowy Weekend - Muffin's POV

Mama and I went to stay with her Aunt D who I also call Aunt D and is very nice. She let me help make Christmas cookies - I got to roll the dough and then mash the cookie cutter in it. It was fun and I liked it.

While the cookies were baking I used my new art easel to draw a picture of a unicorn. Mama said it looked really good.

Mama helped me put icing on the cookies and I asked her if I could eat one. She let me eat two.

When the snow stopped Mama and Aunt D dressed up in warm clothes and tried to find the car. Mama said some bad words when she couldn't get the Uncle C's snow blower working. She said I wasn't allowed to say those words until I was 21. Aunt D's neighbor helped out and made a path to the bottom of the driveway.

Then Aunt D got out some snow toys and the little girls from next door came over to ride down the driveway. It wasn't very fast.

Then the neighbor girl brought over a sled. I liked that better and we took turns.

After that I got cold and Aunt D made me some hot cocoa. Then I watched a movie and decided to stay inside. Mama shoveled out the rest of the driveway and did it two more times after a big snow plow truck put more snow in the driveway. Then her car got stuck on Aunt D's fence and a man with a big truck had to come and drag her out. We had a nice visit with Aunt D and I hope we can go back again. Mama hopes next time we visit there is no snow.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Can't Find The Camera Cord...

So, here is something in the meantime.

I found the answer to my prayers - Mr. Steamy!

And no, I'm not talking about David Boreanaz or Henry Cavill - I'm talking about a crazy advertisement I saw on tv that will literally cut my ironing out altogether.

You know how I 'fessed up to doing the old "throw the clothes in the dryer" version of ironing? Well, Mr. Steamy totally justifies this action! Observe!

And this releases all the wrinkles from your garments! Miracle of miracles!! Let me tell you - as soon as I see this at CVS or Walgreens, it's totally mine. Finally! A little respect for lazy bums like me! Yay Mr. Steamy!

Pray for me and hope that I find that blasted camera cord or it's more of the same all week. :)