Friday, January 15, 2010

Fuck You Friday Returns

Since I left my old job I haven’t done any Fuck You Fridays. Possibly it’s because I actually really like my new job? Well, I shouldn’t limit myself to the inanities of the workplace. Possibly it’s because nothing has pissed me off. No, that’s certainly not it. Lots of things have pissed me off including the bat-shit-crazy lady I sublet from for almost three months. Well, I guess I don’t have a good reason for slacking in my profanity but that won’t stop me from starting up again!

Fuck you woman in the self-check-out line behind me. Have you NO sense of personal space at all? Is your little container of cheap-ass ham SO desperately needed that you must stand so close to me your sleeve is brushing my ass? Are you SO pressed for time that you cannot spare ONE second to allow me to bag my items and leave the terminal before you scan your stupid container of processed ham? And yes, in response to your raised eyebrows, you totally deserved the “eat shit and die” look that I flung upon you. And you deserved the crop dusting I left for you as well. Go to hell.


Wow, that felt good! Have a great weekend!

15 comments:

Death By Chocolate Martini said...

I had a lady hit me with her cart yesterday! I turned around and shoved it right back at her. I've never done that before, but I just lost it!

Elliott said...

I hate the self-checkout. Despise it. I have actually walked out of stores if there are no real cashiers, because the machines irk me so.

But real people suck, too. I would have taken even longer to check out, even called someone on my cell phone before putting my money in. Because I'm passive aggressive that way.

LceeL said...

I like the self checkout thingy. Especially since the software running those things seems to be getting better and most of the time, it actually works well. MOST of the time.

Anyway, sorry to hear your space was violated by a moron. Personally, I try not to do any butt brushing in stores - because, like you say .. crop dusting is always a possibility.

Breedale said...

I am all about personal space. I make it quite obvious when someone is all up in mine! I love your rant. It is great and yay for Fuck you Fridays! BTW, I feel asleep before our phone date, that's why I missed it. I am hoping to make it up to you soon. Miss ya!

Stacie's Madness said...

crop dusting....roflmao

Mala said...

You should have sat on the bagging shelf just so the checkout machine would announce that "an expected item has been placed in the bagging area" and call for an associate (who takes no less than 5 minutes to mosey her ass over to assist). That'll teach the bitch.

And the crop dusting was a FABULOUS touch!!!!
My aunt, who's a flight attendant, reports they use that method often.

Babe in Babeland said...

Ha!! You are HILARIOUS!! LOVE IT!!! You go girl!

Happy New Year to you!!!

Krimmyk said...

I'm HUGE on that. Stay the hell away from me.

Bev said...

HAHAHAHA! Man, I can never muster a fart at the right times in my life, apparently. So jealous! :-p

I love mala's suggestion!

travellinbaen said...

Freakin' hilarious. My big encounter of the week was an F-U email to my insurance guy who sent me an unbelievably rude note to start it. Turns out it was supposed to go to his co-worker. I forgave him, mainly because I didn't feel like shopping for new insurance, but I'm still kind of thinking he's a dick.

bsouth said...

I'm going to print that graphic and stick it on my back next time I go shopping!

Kate said...

Farting at will? That MUST be one of the most coveted superhero powers!


Word verf: flosp

Was the crop dusting a flosp or more of a frrrrraaaaaaaaapppppp?

onebadmamajama said...

I am so fueling up on chili the next time I gotta go shopping! ;) I've pretty much turned into a crochety, old, people hating hag LOL AND..I'm okay with that:)

onebadmamajama said...

Oh as for the people hating..I meant that as in RL...not here on the interwebz;)


Word verif: fract

That's a fract, Jact!

Kris said...

I hear ya! I have a 'thing' about my space and if people invade it I will start throwing elbows to make my point! Once the get elbowed they tend to take a step back.