As if subjecting my four-year-old to the terror of IMAX was not enough, today I took her to the dentist. Before today I thought that the infamous WORDS would be measuring stick of horror by which all future scary episodes are measured. That was before THE LIGHT!
While it may sound as if my child has recently been saved, I'm referring to the overhead adjustable light in the dentists office used to help Dr. Dentist see in the dark yawning abyss of children's mouths.
Being a pediatric dentist I was felt reassured that Muffin could safely be lead away from me with promises of cheap toys and stickers at the end of her session. Imagine my surprise when the technician emerged (after five minutes) to tell me that Muffin wasn't having anything to do with anything dental. I went back to find my daughter crying in the chair. I tried to reassure her but by that time she was in the "crying zone."
(Do you know what I mean? Where kids just keep crying because they're into it? Just sobbing because they like it? Or maybe that's just Muffin. Anyway...)
I managed to get her to lay down and Dr. Dentist came in. Dr. Dentist is a super nice guy who must drink ALOT to make spending a day with screaming kids remotely bearable. (Well, I'd drink a lot if it was me.) He pried open her clenched teeth, the technician turned on the overhead light, and the shit hit the fan. By the way she wigged out - you'd think aliens were abducting the poor child! The tech and I were holding her down when, belatedly, Dr. Dentist requests some sun glasses for her. Immediately the tech whips some out and smacks them on Muffin, but it was too late. She was in full Scream Zone and on top of that - I think she was mad. Face purple + rigid body + LOUD LOUD scream + zero tears = Mad Muffin.
When the doc was done I had to talk her back out of her tree and at least try and leave the office with some dignity. It was virtually impossible to communicate with the doc, but we managed - via hand signals and facial expressions - to concur that Muffin has good teeth and a pretty decent set of pipes as well.