Gym Etiquette

Is there such a thing? Or am I asking too much from my fellow sweaty-exercise-mates? I was forced to consider this matter yesterday afternoon after I spent 30 min on the elliptical with a gentleman heaving, panting, groaning and making all sorts of other "sex" noises on the machine behind me.

I realize that in certain professional sports a grunt or exclamation of effort is perfectly acceptable. Tennis immediately springs to mind. There are several pro tennis players that are actually known for their outbursts. I'm sure there are other sports where this is permissible, but since I don't watch sports as a rule, I'm not familiar with them.

That being said, I may be out of the loop sports-wise but I'm pretty certain that those types of noises are not necessary on a freaking elliptical machine. Unless it's Stacie's machine. :)

At first I was confused by the sounds - was this man having a heart attack? Was he unwell? Then, I was slightly offended by the sounds. After all, this person was on the machine directly behind me! Though I know I'm no Scarlett Johansson I couldn't help but feel the noises were directed at my ass. Finally I was amused. I kept thinking that this poor fellow must be really down on his testosterone to feel the need to make an exhibition out of his elliptical workout. Aww, perhaps he just wanted the rest of us to see how manly he was. Sad, really.

Still, it got me thinking about other infractions of my personal gym code. Not wiping off sweaty machines happens to be very high on the pet peeve list. Also, not putting exercise equipment back where it belongs so I know where to find it! (I'm talking about you, wandering exercise ball!) Then there is my extensive list of gym wear do's and don'ts that include: maximum capacity for spandex, appropriate length of gym shorts (Marines are exempt from this because - damn. They've got great legs), the perceived necessity of wearing copious amounts of jewelry and make-up as well as my general aversion to hot babes wearing next to nothing. I'm a hater, what can I say.

Now I'm curious - what are your etiquette expectations at the gym? Am I just being Type A or should gym rules be universal?