Friday, March 13, 2009

WTF Co-workers?

Yes, I'm talking to you guys! You think that just because I'm all quiet in my office that I don't see what is going on? I see - and I question.

WTF is up with YOU head-set lady? Are you sooooo self-involved and self-important that you feel the need to parade up and down the corridor with your headset on while carrying on a personal conversation? We don't care about your kid's birthday party plans or their sports prowess or your husbands prowess or ANYTHING personally related to you! Either get off the damn phone or stay in your damn office.

WFT is up with YOU slipper-wearing, feet dragging lazy person? When did it suddenly become acceptable to wear your house slippers in the office? Ok, I could be just hating here because my shoes suck and I can't change that. However, if your shoes are uncomfortable - buy new ones! Wear different ones! Do not subject me the rest of the college to your horribly dirty, broken down slippers. They are nasty. So are you. Oh yeah - and stop dragging your feet, Igor. Last I looked both of your legs worked just fine - pick up your feet!

WTF is up with YOU teddy-bear-carrying-lunatic? Why am I even asking this question. You are in your 40's - why are you carrying TWO teddy bears up and down the hall every time you leave your office to use the fax/copier? Did I suddenly get re-located to a mental facility? Ok, don't answer that one...

WFT is up with YOU belligerent-person-who-is-never-wrong-and-won't-let-anyone-get-a-word-in-edgewise? Seriously? You're never wrong? Why do you always go off the deep-end whenever someone even suggests that you might have made a mistake? I don't care how long you used to work for DFAS! You work for us now! Get a grip!

WFT is up with YOU crazy-80's-hair-lady? See a hairdresser. Or rather - get a new hairdresser. Preferably one who lives in the 21st century.

WFT is up with YOU unfriendly-passer-by-in-the-hallway? Why do you never return my smile? Why? What did I ever do to you? Am I not friendly enough? Do I need to come to your office and BEG you for some common courtesy? Or, do you just hate this place as much as the rest of us? Bah, nobody likes you anyway.

(I wrote the post on Thursday afternoon full of all the bile and vitriol that comes with a week of putting up with people and work I dislike. I'm sure that now it is Friday I will be in a much better mood. Or not. Either way, it's like passive-aggressive therapy. I'd never say anything to these people, but it's nice to get it off my chest.)


Samsmama said...

It's been awhile since I've worked in an office type setting, but I can relate to some of these.

HOWEVER, um, WTF with the teddy bears? That's just NOT normal!

Unknown said...

muahahah, I love this post.


hokgardner said...

This is exactly why I spent most of my time with my office door firmly closed!

And as I said to a co-worker once, about a week before going on permanent maternity leave, "Some people here are in grave danger of finding out just how much I don't like them!"

Laura B. said...

I'm with Samsmama - What is up with the teddy bears. That's so abnormal it breaks the scale measuring the abnormal!

Tina said...

Too funny....Need

klasieprof said...

Had a co-worker as a Parole Probation Agent in inner city Saginaw (Michigan)...have stuffed animals AND....

She SUCKED HER THUMB!! Yah. She was "protected" cause she was "special" and the State had to accommodate her all over the letting her "play games" on her computer that would get any of the rest of us fired. She needed "relaxation" time during her day.
How bout she ALSO got to Carry a sidearm, and talked about how she was stalked..then bought a house 1/4 of a mile across the section from her stalker, and then had him served with papers for stalking (again) because he had to drive by her house or go 3/4 mile around the other side of section.
NUTJOB!!'s your teddy you whiny biiia.c....h.
Great post. I can just see the nasty furry pink backless slippers...matted down with spilled coffee. Bleh.

de-lurking here

ATenorio said...

Ugh, I hate unfriendly passer by too!!!! Is it going to kill a person to smile or at least grin???

Honestly this post kindof made me miss my office days. Right now, my only coworker drools on me and insists I wipe her butt.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

WOW! i certainly hope you feel better! shit, i need to do one of these. in fact, mine would be eerily similar to yours.

i, too have an Igor in my office. he doesn't wear slippers, but i always know when he's coming...

i love crazy-80's-hair-lady! the one in my office is pretty high up. i often want to tell her what elaine told that woman on seinfeld, "you might wanna do something about that hair..."

oh, and the guy who never smiles. i often kill him with kindness, "HI TOM! GOOD MORNING!" and then i get a quick, forced smile. my coworkers and i often give each other "The Tom" and laugh about it.


Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, that took me right back to my working days! The teddy bears though? We never had one of them - that's just too weird.

BTW - not stalking just haven't had enough time this week so having a huge catch up tonight!

Chris said...

Seriously? Teddy Bears? You gotta con this chick into letting you take her picture.

Chris said...

BTW, I almost thought MOFM was guest posting. Muahahahahaaa

u2 r gr8 (lol I'm a dork)