Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Gym Etiquette

Is there such a thing? Or am I asking too much from my fellow sweaty-exercise-mates? I was forced to consider this matter yesterday afternoon after I spent 30 min on the elliptical with a gentleman heaving, panting, groaning and making all sorts of other "sex" noises on the machine behind me.

I realize that in certain professional sports a grunt or exclamation of effort is perfectly acceptable. Tennis immediately springs to mind. There are several pro tennis players that are actually known for their outbursts. I'm sure there are other sports where this is permissible, but since I don't watch sports as a rule, I'm not familiar with them.

That being said, I may be out of the loop sports-wise but I'm pretty certain that those types of noises are not necessary on a freaking elliptical machine. Unless it's Stacie's machine. :)

At first I was confused by the sounds - was this man having a heart attack? Was he unwell? Then, I was slightly offended by the sounds. After all, this person was on the machine directly behind me! Though I know I'm no Scarlett Johansson I couldn't help but feel the noises were directed at my ass. Finally I was amused. I kept thinking that this poor fellow must be really down on his testosterone to feel the need to make an exhibition out of his elliptical workout. Aww, perhaps he just wanted the rest of us to see how manly he was. Sad, really.

Still, it got me thinking about other infractions of my personal gym code. Not wiping off sweaty machines happens to be very high on the pet peeve list. Also, not putting exercise equipment back where it belongs so I know where to find it! (I'm talking about you, wandering exercise ball!) Then there is my extensive list of gym wear do's and don'ts that include: maximum capacity for spandex, appropriate length of gym shorts (Marines are exempt from this because - damn. They've got great legs), the perceived necessity of wearing copious amounts of jewelry and make-up as well as my general aversion to hot babes wearing next to nothing. I'm a hater, what can I say.

Now I'm curious - what are your etiquette expectations at the gym? Am I just being Type A or should gym rules be universal?


Chris said...

LMAO @ "Unless it's Stacie's machine"

Sorry I can be of no help here. I've never been to a gym. But I would think that leaving your sweat on a piece of equipment is the equivalent of leaving your pee on the toilet seat. Don't do it people!

HA!! My word verf. is cowswa.... Like, cows, crying... over fatties in spandex & missing balls. (I hope you're not fat or that joke's not funny... I'll leave now. Teehehee)

Unknown said...


I have to BE with my machine alone...in my own room....so no gym for me.

Tina said...

I hate gyms. I workout at home. Maybe the guy behind you was trying to get you attention?

Kris said...

These are the same things that I hate about the gym...and also why I wipe down all machines before I use them (and after) and turn my IPod up!

PorkStar said...

lol well, for me, as long as they don't grunt, scream or fart, I'm fine with everything else. Women farting is ok, just not let me smell it.
: )

Samsmama said...

Ok, this is the third comment of Stacie's that I've seen today that has a sexual tone to it. We need to get her laid.

Anyway, all I can think of is the episode of "Seinfeld" and the guy didn't wipe the equipment down. And it was frowned upon.

Mary said...

uggg- I hate gyms. I work out at home...but mostly b/c of how much I hate gyms! All of the aspects you mentioned bug the crap out of me, but my biggest pet peeve is women who get all fixed up to go work out. Maybe I'm just jealous- I sweat like a whore in church on the 4th of July, so even moisturizer is a waste on me- but are they working out or hooking up?

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on all of the above (especially marines in teeny shorts). Not wiping your sweat off a machine is surely the rudest thing you can do? The other thing that really pisses me off (ok, used to piss me off when I bothered to go to a gym) would be two women (usually tarted up to the nines and not sweating) - one sitting on a machine I wanted to use and the other standing by it - having a gossip. I don't have all day people - use it or lose it.