Friday, February 19, 2010

Fridays Are For Venting

I’ve decided to give up my f-bomb filled Fridays. I did a little research on how my blog was being found and it was disturbing to say the least. Now, I know that I can be pretty disturbing but in my defense - I’m going to claim that the f-bombs were bringing the pervs. Nuff said.

I’m still going to vent though. This time, I’m venting about traffic. I know, I know – we all hate traffic and everybody thinks where they live is the worst. Believe me, I completely understand. I’ve driven in some pretty horrible places and am not about to say that the DC area is the worst. (even though it is) I’m just going to point out some of my observations.

1. Person most likely to cut you off? A woman. Yep. Soccer moms are bad, but the bitch in the sports car is the worst. I used to think that it was young punk ass kids that pulled that shit but apparently women who drive high-end cars have a sense of entitlement that allows their conscious to rationalize zooming up the side only to cut in front of someone who has been in that lane for 30 minutes.
2. Person most likely to ride your ass? Middle aged men. I’m thinking that this is because it’s the closest they “actually” riding an “real” ass so maybe they just can’t help themselves. Still pisses me off though.
3. Person most likely to not let you in off an acceleration lane? Men. Hands down – across the board. They ride the ass of the car in front of them and refuse to make room for someone who is rapidly running out of room in the acceleration lane. Punks!
4. Person most likely to cause an accident in a parking lot? Tiny people in large SUVs. They can’t effing see! Plus, half of them seem to want to back into an effing parking space! WTF is up with that, anyway?
5. Person most likely to cause an accident on the highway? Women. Again. On cell phones no less. Or texting. Pay attention! I have a precious six-year-old in my car and if I wreck because of you I will CUT YOUR HEART OUT!

My overall conclusion is that women actually ARE bad drivers. No wonder people want us off the road. I want those bitches off the road. Especially the ones who cut me off. Still, the men folk are just as bad. Sometimes I want to deliberately slam on the brakes and let that douche behind me buy me a new bumper. Sometimes I want to just plow right into that shiny BMW that refuses to let me in even though I legitimately have a reason to be merging!

But I am learning to cope with my road rage in small ways. Now I leave large gaps between me and the car in front of me on purpose because I know somebody is looking for that hole to dart into. I try to merge as soon as humanly possible so people won’t get the idea that I’m trying to “cut in line” and get ahead of them. I listen to classical music when Muffin is in the car and a book on CD when I’m on my own. I still dwell on the unfairness of traffic – but I try not to let it get the best of me. Stupid fuckers.


J said...

Yesterday I got stuck behind some broad in a cherry red fancy sports car.

Took me an hour to get through downtown b/c, well, of various points you've made out here! Drove me nearly mad!


Unknown said...

If I see one more young lady putting on her friggin' makeup while doing 80mph down I55, I'm gonna run the stupid little muffin off the road. Hopefully, when she goes, she'll take the idiot I saw this morning, holding a BOOK against his steering wheel with his f**king THUMBS, with her.

knittergran said...

I agree with your new methods of dealing with traffic-because it's what I do! And it works. I decided I didn't need to waste the energy it takes to get all worked up about these people, so I just hope karma - if there is such a thing - lets me merge or whatever someday in payback!

Unknown said...

interesting...i am oblivious while driving which probably makes me much more of a hazzard that I intend to be. :)

Bev said...

Wait, so pervs aren't welcome here? Well, shoot! Can you make an exception for me? :)

I hate almost ALL other drivers, but the SUV drivers are the worst!

Kate said...

I agree, women are horrible drivers...well mostly. Whenever my husband and I see someone committing a heinous driving faux paus we always say, "Hmm. Must be a lady." And it almost always is.

Barbara said...

It's not so bad here but I do refuse to drive on the motorways.