My cat totally gets this...

Oh, the persecution of the kitteh...


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Autocomplete Muffin

OMG - a post about my daughter!


see more

I do love the "I Can Has Cheezburger" network... So much entertainment in one place!

Friday Rambles

Wow. Friday. End of a five-day work week. Been a while since I’ve worked five days in a row – thanks to snow, and more snow and President’s day and then some more snow. I’m so exhausted that I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

That doesn’t mean I can’t ramble on though! Let’s hear it for some rambling!

I have fostered an addition in my child. She is now a hard core gamer. That’s right – when faced with a week of forced togetherness I broke down, went to the local game store and bought a Barbie horseback riding game. It was a life-saver at the time and now she wants to play it all the time. I’ve to get medieval tough and restrict game time to weekends and only for a couple hours. When she asked why that rule didn’t apply to me I had to lay it out for her: “Because I’m the Mama, that’s why.”

Let’s hear it for being the Mama.

Sometimes being the Mama sucks though – like when you have to figure out where that odd smell is coming from? And when there are bugs to be killed… And snow to be shoveled… Though, Elliott did suggest that I toss Miss Muffin out there next winter because (in his words) it will make her strong, like bear! Know what? I’m totally going to do it. Next winter (and watch there be no snow) she’s getting her very own shovel to “help” Mama.

Speaking of “helping” Mama… I want to introduce my six-year-old to some real household chores. You know, make her earn her keep! I remember helping out with chores when I was young, but I can’t remember how old I was. I usually had to dust baseboards, vacuum, load the dishwasher and clean bathrooms but is that too much for my girl? I mean, she already makes her bed and keeps her room neat – doesn’t that mean she can graduate to some REAL housecleaning? Have I brought this up before? Maybe I’ll start her out with the bathroom – it’s my least favorite chore anyway.

Muahh ha ha hah… Let’s hear it for child labor.

Speaking of chores, guess who’s buying a new vacuum this weekend? That’s right – moi! Apparently the move did not agree with my old vacuum as it has begun to make some rather alarming noises and vibrates in my hand. Not that I have anything against the vibrating (ha!) but the noise? The noise concerns me. I’d hate to have the damn thing blow up and kill me. Wouldn’t that be a horrible thing for my daughter to see? Yikes! Does anyone else have crazy morbid thoughts like that? I got so paranoid over the bat-shit-crazy-landlady last fall that I insisted Muffin know how to dial 911 and my parents. Then I bought a new phone and haven’t taught her how to use it yet. Note to self…

I suppose that’s enough randomness for the time being… So, aside from vacuuming, monitoring my daughter’s game usage and teaching her how to dial 911 in case I keel over unexpectedly - we don’t have much planned for the weekend. We might *gasp* get out and go somewhere! Miracle of miracles! Or… not. That’s how we roll – unpredictable, unchained, free as the wind! Have a great weekend!

WTF Thursday - Facebook FTW

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. There are times when I think it's pure evil and times when I think it's just slightly wicked. One of the things I HATE are the "friend suggestions" and here is a failbooking entry that completely captures this feeling:


see more funny facebook stuff!

No kidding! If I haven't "friended" them in the past year or so that probably means I don't WANT to "friend" them! PLEASE stop suggesting that I reconnect with someone I loathe!!! Kai Thks!

Um, Tooth Fairy? Do your job!

I saw this on one of my favorite giggle sites Passive Aggressive Notes - when I saw this I laughed out loud! What's sad is that I almost forgot to do the tooth fairy duty they other night. So, so glad I didn't.

Here is the full story. I hope I never forget and incur the wrath of a passive aggressive first grader!

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

My little girl lost a tooth last night! Well, I pulled it for her – but she came to me and said it was ready to come out and by golly, it was. She’s a brave little Muffin, that’s for sure. This is her third lost tooth. The first one was accidentally eaten at her dad’s house. Of course. The second one came out while we were still living in the crazy lady’s house and now this one.

Am I the only one that finds pulling teeth disgusting? I can’t STAND it!! I can’t even bear to watch her wiggle the lose tooth. Makes me shudder and gag – no kidding. This is one of the toughest part of mommy-hood in my opinion. Still, it’s a necessary part and will hopefully be over in the next couple of years.

This brings me around to the topic of the day – the Tooth Fairy. I’ve seen several other posts on this subject and am interested in your input. For the first tooth Muffin received a Barbie Fairy from Target – very inexpensive gift but one I knew she would like. This tooth brought her a Lil’ Webkinz unicorn. Again, relatively inexpensive but something she adores. I haven’t given her money because I don’t know what the going rate for a tooth is these days and I would hate for her to go to school and be all “The tooth fairy gave me a dollar!” only to hear that the tooth fairy gave her friend $5.

So, what is the going rate for a tooth? What do you guys do? And what am I supposed to do with all these little teeth? Make them into a necklace? A charm bracelet? Inquiring minds want to know!

Woe is me - no more Cheesy Tots.

I try very hard not to eat fast food. It’s difficult in these “fast times” but I usually manage to talk myself out of a visit to the drive through by focusing on the hassle of getting my car out of the garage at lunchtime and remembering that the only fast food restaurant within driving distance is McD’s. Not that I’m knocking McD’s – but I can’t get excited about something that is always there.

So, today I had to get out at lunch to return my DVR player (insert growl) because it inexplicably broke down yesterday and started going bat-shit crazy. Thank goodness I still had a couple of DVDs of True Blood to watch because otherwise I’d have been seriously put out. I was still put out – but when the only option is to wait until Wednesday evening (the only “late” appointment available) or take the damn thing to Cox myself – I took matters into my own hands.

The only good thing about taking the piece of shit (did I mention that I’ve only had it since December?) to Cox was the fact that there is a Burger King in the same shopping area. And I love cheesy tots. If you’ve never had them, you don’t know what you’re missing and apparently you never will because DAMMIT they’ve been discontinued!


I was PISSED! I came back to the office and googled the shit and you know what? I’m not the only one who was angry at the deprivation of cheesy tots. There is a facebook page (which I promptly joined) dedicated to the protest! And I don’t protest. Much. In public anyway.

Burger King – you are on notice. There isn’t one thing left on your menu that I couldn’t get elsewhere. Bring back the effing cheesy tots or you will be considered dead to me. Cut off. No more of my hard earned money. Kaput.

Finis.

Fridays Are For Venting

I’ve decided to give up my f-bomb filled Fridays. I did a little research on how my blog was being found and it was disturbing to say the least. Now, I know that I can be pretty disturbing but in my defense - I’m going to claim that the f-bombs were bringing the pervs. Nuff said.

I’m still going to vent though. This time, I’m venting about traffic. I know, I know – we all hate traffic and everybody thinks where they live is the worst. Believe me, I completely understand. I’ve driven in some pretty horrible places and am not about to say that the DC area is the worst. (even though it is) I’m just going to point out some of my observations.

1. Person most likely to cut you off? A woman. Yep. Soccer moms are bad, but the bitch in the sports car is the worst. I used to think that it was young punk ass kids that pulled that shit but apparently women who drive high-end cars have a sense of entitlement that allows their conscious to rationalize zooming up the side only to cut in front of someone who has been in that lane for 30 minutes.
2. Person most likely to ride your ass? Middle aged men. I’m thinking that this is because it’s the closest they “actually” riding an “real” ass so maybe they just can’t help themselves. Still pisses me off though.
3. Person most likely to not let you in off an acceleration lane? Men. Hands down – across the board. They ride the ass of the car in front of them and refuse to make room for someone who is rapidly running out of room in the acceleration lane. Punks!
4. Person most likely to cause an accident in a parking lot? Tiny people in large SUVs. They can’t effing see! Plus, half of them seem to want to back into an effing parking space! WTF is up with that, anyway?
5. Person most likely to cause an accident on the highway? Women. Again. On cell phones no less. Or texting. Pay attention! I have a precious six-year-old in my car and if I wreck because of you I will CUT YOUR HEART OUT!

My overall conclusion is that women actually ARE bad drivers. No wonder people want us off the road. I want those bitches off the road. Especially the ones who cut me off. Still, the men folk are just as bad. Sometimes I want to deliberately slam on the brakes and let that douche behind me buy me a new bumper. Sometimes I want to just plow right into that shiny BMW that refuses to let me in even though I legitimately have a reason to be merging!

But I am learning to cope with my road rage in small ways. Now I leave large gaps between me and the car in front of me on purpose because I know somebody is looking for that hole to dart into. I try to merge as soon as humanly possible so people won’t get the idea that I’m trying to “cut in line” and get ahead of them. I listen to classical music when Muffin is in the car and a book on CD when I’m on my own. I still dwell on the unfairness of traffic – but I try not to let it get the best of me. Stupid fuckers.

WTF Thursday - brought to you by my subconscious

Last night I watched the most recent episode of Lost as well as three episodes of True Blood. One might think that the combination would result in a lovely dream featuring this guy:

Or maybe even this guy:


But, no. Instead, my dreams were so surreal and vivid that I felt like I was watching a mish-mash of the two programs together. Without the sexy bits.

There was an airplane crash – in Louisiana! And the survivors (me included) wound up in an underground vampire lair trying to escape the evil smoke monster (played by Dev Patel who is going to play Zuko in the upcoming movie The Last Airbender) through a blow-up waterpark slide.

And that was just the beginning. There was a bunch of chasing and lots of escaping and large quantities of being terrified. All in all, not the ideal fantasy.

I woke up several times through the night and each time I fell asleep again – it was to the same story. With no Sawyer, no Bill, nobody I would care to get to know in a fantastic dream sequence! Rose and Bernard were there. *yawn* Sookie was there *snore* but no cute guys! Not even her crazy-ass brother! I mean, can’t a girl catch a break? Even in her dreams?

At least I enjoy both shows in real life – even if I can’t enjoy them in my dreams.

Not Wordless Wednesday - Snowmageddon

Here I am literally up to my knees in snow. That hasn't happened since... never.

My car the morning after. Those little black specs on the hood? My wiper blades sticking straight up! The second car to the left is partially dug out here (because they are way smarter than me and chose to dig during the snow). You can see the ledge of three feet on the rear of their BMW.

Paolo after the three back breaking hours of digging. There was a big pile of snow directly behind all of the cars because we were TOLD by the HOA to throw the snow in the middle for the plow to move. Apparently the fire marshal wasn't included in those instructions because we all got in trouble. Whoopsie!

You can see the wall of snow behind my lovely Paolo here. Needless to say, when the plow did come through I had to spend another hour of back breaking labor to make a path for him. Curse you snow plow! It's a love/hate relationship.

So, those are the pictures - none of my fraidy cat cautious daughter because the drifts were too high in her opinion. Afterall, if she got lost who would fill my heart? (her real question, I kid you not). Well, Muffin - you make a good case.

Don't I have a blog or something?

So, I guess being snowed in and having a federal holiday all rolled up together means I forget how to post, right? One would think that I could post from home but ironically – I am much busier at home than I usually give myself credit for. Also, though I’m sure blog fodder abounds, it never occurs to me until I’m on that long-ass commute to or from work. I’m like a trained animal that way.

I suppose you have all read plenty of posts about Snowmageddon DC 2010 by now, haven’t you? Enough to make you want to tear out your eyeballs at the slightest mention of snow and snow-related bitching? Well, I won’t put you through that. Much. Just a couple of highlights:

1. Snow fall is pretty. Snow on the ground sucks. Three feet of snow on the ground sucks big time.
2. It took me a total of four hours to dig my car out. Twice.
3. Muffin refused to take a “winter walk” with me on the grounds that she was afraid I would lose her in the snow.
4. Muffin and I had just the tiniest bit too much togetherness.
5. Going to work last Friday was both a relief and a nightmare – the roads were terrible and honestly? Who closes for a WHOLE WEEK only to open on the Friday before a three-day-weekend?

That’s pretty much it. One would think I would have unpacked a lot of boxes but that didn’t happen. Hey – I’m giving myself to Easter remember? I still have something like six weeks to get everything squared away and anyway, snow days are for fun – am I right? Why waste a snow day doing something practical?

Today is Fat Tuesday and I’ve decided to give up booze for Lent. Let’s see how that goes shall we? Anybody else participating? If so, what are you giving up?

This one is for my younger sister... From my new favorite site Failbooking!

Oh Lord, please forgive me, but that last one? I'd think about it! ;)

Snow – The Do’s and Don’ts per Calicobebop

With yet ANOTHER big snow storm headed our way, I thought I'd put together my "lessons learned" from the previous storms. Behold!

Upon first hearing of a “winter advisory” DON’T keep reminding your co-workers. They get it and most of them aren’t nearly as delighted as you seem to be.



When the anticipated snow date is a few days away DO ensure that you have properly stocked your liquor cabinet. Screw the milk and bread – vodka is the real necessity.




When you are 24 hours out from a publicized snow event DON’T take the word of the weather commentator that the precipitation is going to be around 20%. They have no flipping clue and it’s better to be over-prepared. Refer to the previous entry.

Once snow fall commences, DON’T take it upon yourself to engage in sightseeing with your out-of-town relatives. Yeah, they may want to go to that special shop and yeah, you might want to show it off but the ensuing 2 ½ hour ride home does NOT make it worth the trip.

During your enforced confinement DO try to make the best of the situation. Six-year-olds get stir crazy – do something fun! Play some cards, bake some cookies, drink the vodka and everything will turn out alright.
The next day, DO take a few minutes (or more!) to take pleasure in the winter wonderland. That pretty white stuff will soon turn black and yucky – enjoy it while you can. Let the kids run off some of that pent-up energy. Take a nice long walk but DO make sure it’s after you’ve shoveled out your car because trust me, you won’t want to do it when you get back.

If you happen to be visiting someone who lives in a complex of some sort DON’T park in a nicely shoveled out space. The person who did all that work is going to hunt you down and cut your heart out be pretty miffed to come home and find that all of their hard work is now benefiting a complete stranger. Not to mention the fact that they will now have to find another space or park IN the snow. If you chose to disregard this warning be prepared for hate and discontent. I'm talking to YOU, Blue Honda!

That's about all I've got - any more suggestions? Muffin and I are well stocked and I'm hoping to have a few left overs from Breakfast Club as well. We've got all sorts of indoor entertainment lined up and I'm kind of excited - it will be our first blizzard on our own! We've always had company before. Stay warm out there!

WTF Thursday - The Lost Fan Edition

I'm a Lost Fan.


Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

My office mate is already wishing for his own demise. Bwahh ha ha hah...

Wordless Wednesday - A Snowy Walk

Taken Saturday at the beginning of the snow. Grandmama and Muffin keeping each other warm.

Breakfast Club

I love my job. I didn’t know that it was possible to actually like coming to work and I feel like I’m getting away with something because I do. This place employs a multitude of characters who are very lively and positive. Very different from my previous life. The only possible downside I can think of is the fact that there is always food. Everyday somebody is bringing something in or setting out the leftovers from a catered conference. I’ve gained at least 20 pounds since I started work here. Loving every damn second of it.

My department is fairly large and when I first came onboard I was told about Breakfast Club. Every Friday a different member of Breakfast Club would bring in a huge breakfast spread for the other members. Membership is not mandatory but let me tell you – if you so much as look at the buffet you had better be prepared to join. Actually, there are so many of us that at this point a body only has to bring breakfast four times a year! Anyway, standards are high. Very high. Waffle bars get set up, people bake quiches in the wee hours of the morning to bring in, people boil down pumpkins for fresh pumpkin muffins, people stay up and make salmon strada the night before! Fresh fruit is always provided as well as a wide selection pastries, yogurt other yummy goodies. It’s an event.

Last Friday, Breakfast Club was somewhat of a letdown. The member who’s turn it was brought in twelve yogurt cups, a box of Hostess Coffee Cakes and three different containers of fruit. Let me tell you – the outrage basically destroyed all productive work for the day. Emails flew about, the member had his car keys pressed into his hand and was pointed in the direction of the parking garage to go forth and bring back a REAL breakfast. He came back with some Challa Bread (?) and organic cream cheese.

More emails flew about and the member was almost expelled from Breakfast Club. There are some pretty big fellows in the Club and they need their dirty carbs and meat products! They don’t care about “organic” and “gourmet” shit! They need substance! The offending member complained that he didn’t buy much because last time there was so much left over. The response was: There would be no leftovers if you brought something GOOD!

All of this was quite good natured and only a little passive aggressive but needless to say, I know have a very clear understanding of what is expected of me when it’s my turn. Which happens to be this Friday. *Gulp* Anyone know a good catering company?