Of Food and Love

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm getting the bottom row of wires put on. I've had the brackets on my teeth for two weeks and the top wires on for one week. Now it's time for the bottom wires and then my Frankenstein mouth will be complete. So, I ate like a king tonight. Homemade potato soup, extra sharp Vermont cheddar, super soft french bread. Mmmmm.... I mean, if I'm going to be in excruciating pain for the next week or so I may as well have a fond memory to keep me company whilst I eat yogurt and tomato soup.

I believe that this fondness of food is my ultimate downfall. I like taste! I like to savour cheese and meat. I like to linger over the soft buttery crumbles of a croissant. I'm a hedonist! I don't think that will ever go away. I may moderate my culinary desires in the future - but for the most part, I'm always going to eat things that I love - not things that are "good" for me. It's a shame that I don't take pleasure in the crisp snap of baby peas or the satisfying crunch of celery - but so be it. I like cheese, meat and bread. And the plethora of culinary combinations of the three. Oh yeah - and refried beans. Damn, I love those things.

My little girl, God bless her, seems to like more veggies than her mom - for which I'm quite grateful. She is getting the full frontal attack of the single parent. I'm feeding her well, teaching her to read (at age four!) and have signed her up for ballet, tap and Taekwondo. I sing her to sleep after reading a story at night and always tell her that I love her when I buckle her into her car seat. I am consumed. I am obsessed with being a good parent. I sometimes feel that my own identity has become "Muffin's Mom. You know - the good parent." Because lets face it - you all think that you are doing everything for you kids because you intrinsically desire it. But that's patently false. We do it because we're afraid. We are afraid of letting our children down. We are afraid to fail them.

My parents grew up in a time where it was every family's goal to guarantee that the children were better off than the parents. This has become an increasingly more difficult goal to attain. Our culture has evolved. Where my parents grew up on farms and were privileged to attend college - it was expected of me. I am a first generation white-collar college educated family. And so are my peers. The expectation to go forth and excel was ingrained from the cradle. So, how can I ensure that my daughter's future will exceed my own? I really have no idea. And I'm sure I'm not alone. Hence the lessons, hence the home-schooling after school. Whatever the future holds, I want to ensure she's prepared. It's my duty and obligation. And, strange as it may sound - It's my pleasure.

Whew - so I'll graciously step down from the soap box and regroup.

Obviously, I love my little girl. (And a well made creme brulee). However, there are many, many other things that I delight in as well - but that's for another post, another day.