Who's Special Now?

The scene: Dinner Table
The Players: Muffin and Me

Me: You're the most special person in the world to me, Muffin. You know that?

Muffin: Mmmm-hmmm. (sips milk in agreement)

**insert lengthy pause* *

Me: So, um, like, who is the most special person in the world to you? (slightly pushing the envelope for reasons of self esteem)

Muffin: Well, (sips more milk), I'd have to say Grandmama.

Me: (thoroughly rebuffed) Oh. I see. Alright, I'm going upstairs to the bathroom and cry run your bath. Please come up when you have put your dishes on the counter.

The scene: The Bath
The Players: Muffin and Me

Muffin: Mama! The water is too COLD!

Me: Shoot! Yesterday it was too hot! I can't seem to get it right. (joking) Do you want a new Mama?

Muffin: No. You're a special Mama.

Me: (thinking "finally!") Really? How am I special? (and that is what is called "seriously pushing the envelope into regions best left a mystery")

Muffin: You're special because you can't seem to do anything right. You forgot my vitamins too!

And there you have it. Simply ask your preschooler for their honest thoughts. I'm sure it will both humble and amaze you. Apparently I'm special in the "short bus" sense of the term. But, hey - at least I'm special! Beep Beep!!

Lessons Learned Today

*In no particular order*

1. It is not advisable to eat Activia Yogurt, a bag of prunes and a serving of figs in the classroom. One individual learned this the hard way and spent many an uncomfortable moment trying to stifle certain emissions.


2. When a person is in a position to allow aforementioned emissions free - the emissions are not forthcoming. The sneaky bastards wait until you're in class again. Dammit!

3. When putting on control top panty-hose it is possible to do a very respectable imitation of a headbanger or mosh pit thrasher.

4. When pulling up aforementioned control top panty-hose in the confines of a public restroom it is advisable not to take the headbanging too literally as it is entirely possible (even probable) that you will actually bang your head on the stall door.


5. Galoshes are "smart" shoes because they cover your feet and part of your legs. (This lesson was taught to me by a certain four-year-old in the back seat who was musing on the various types of footwear one should wear in a storm.)


6. Dress shoes and panty-hose are not "smart" attire in a storm as they allow nearly everything to get soaked. (This lesson was also taught to me by a certain four-year-old after we entered the house.)


7. Gas, panty-hose and storms suck.

Hope your Wednesday was better than mine!

How Desperate Am I?

So, I'm class all week and I have chosen a seat near the front (because I'm a dork) but also waaayyy over to one side so that I can be hidden in a corner if I need to dodge a question. Who was in college for nine years?!? I learned some stuff other than my major - that's for sure!

Anyway, there aren't that many officers in this class so we all pretty much scoped each other out in the beginning. There is superwoman (who actually makes the uniform look good), disdainful senior officer (too stuck up to socialize with us peons), dude with the glasses (who appears to have chosen the same seating strategy as me - except on the other side) and me - the chick in the skirt. The ONLY chick in a class of 64 people wearing a skirt.

After one of our breaks today the fellow with the glasses came up and introduced himself to me. We chatted and I managed to slip in the fact that I'm a single mom while he managed to slip in the fact that he's single as well. Anyway, conversation wound down as he went to get a soda and I went to the ladies room where I discovered that I was blushing. BLUSHING!

Yes, I had already mentally married us and was trying to decided if I like the way his last name sounded with mine. I don't know why I do it - but I always seem to be sizing up the men I meet for potential eligibility. I keep telling myself that I'm not in a position to date right now - that I don't even really want to date - and yet, I can not seem to help myself.

I consider all the options: attractiveness, potential prowess in bed, potential attachment to mother, ex-girlfriends/wives, willingness to share me with my daughter, willingness to work, etc. Before you know it I have sized him up and found him wanting. I have mentally married and divorced him. And he has NO idea.

Now I have to finish out the class with me feeling uncomfortable about breaking his heart while he's sitting oblivious on the other side of the room. Talk about awkward!

Wordless Tuesday (Early Edition)

Cult Movies

There are some movies, cheesy as they are, that achieve the coveted "cult" status. A cult movie is generally not a blockbuster - but it is one that you know the lines to. It's a movie that you will always watch when you see it in the guide. It's a movie that you're almost embarrassed to like. AND it's a movie that causes you to say "OMG ME TOO!" whenever someone says they like it.

This weekend I watched one of my favorite cult movies "Center Stage."

It's right up there with "Strictly Ballroom" and "The Cutting Edge" in my book. (Toe Pick!)

Among other faves: "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"(natch), "The Princess Bride," "Sleepless In Seattle," "Super Troopers" (TOO Hilarious!), "Simply Irresistible," "Amelie," and my two newest additions: "Stardust," and "The Holiday."

I wish I could define what elevates a movie to cult status for me. I have a feeling that it has something to do with personal achievement combined with a successful love affair. Things that have often eluded me.

For others, a cult movie may embody their best memories - i.e. "American Graffiti," or perhaps "Dazed And Confused." Another common theme is Science Fiction - the "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" franchises certainly have their followers. Yet another cult form is the "guy" movie: "There's Something about Mary," "Meet The Fosters," "Old School," and pretty much anything that involves Ben Stiller or Will Ferrell.

For me, a cult movie has always embodied fantasy. A perfect ending that never happens in real life.

What are your cult movies? What defines a cult movie for you? What movies capture your remote and hold it hostage? Enquiring minds want to know!

What Is Capcha Telling Me?

About 50% of the blogs that I regularly read and comment on have enabled the "capcha" mechanism in the comment section in order to prevent spam. Lately I've begun to see a weird pattern in the words I'm requested to type before my comment is published.

redneb - is it telling me I'm a redneck? Entirely possible, I come from a long line of red necks.

everabl - am I "ever able?" Or should I be "ever able?"

ginipin - Does this mean that I'm a "king Pin?" Really?!?! I nevah knew.

almett - almost? almost what exactly?

thwain - I've got nothing. Your guess is as good as mine.

torech - "to reach?" maybe? Reach what?!?

culti - culture or maybe coochie?

Are the interwebs trying to convince me that I'm a redneck ever able kingpin who is almost ready to reach culture? Do I have too much time on my hands? Maybe I should go back to school.

And How Was Your Halloween?

Mine was great - thank you very much. I spent it at home, with the classic movie station and vodka. My other plan was to get a tattoo but I figured it would be too busy on a night like Halloween.

I saw a Pocahontas, a Belle, a Batman, several teenagers, a ballerina, a couple of witches, a Cinderella, a scary man with a clown face on (I didn't DARE deny him any candy - but I wanted to.), a pretty mermaid - not Ariel, Super Girl, and an ADORABLE little lady bug (I totally wanted to keep her she was so precious - but I think that's frowned upon).

I also served some sort of Power Ranger-type ninja, a zombie, the pretty not-Ariel mermaid again (wtf?), the Predator, a zombie doctor with insect eyes (creepy!), a cheer-leader, a FEMALE transformer (you go girl!), a spider, a Pink Power Ranger, more ballerinas, another batman, a rock-star (thankfully not Hanna Montana).

Most interesting quote of the night "I wish your little brother could walk already! That way I wouldn't have to carry his bag!"

Said by a young woman escorting a lovely little Princess Belle with her husband waiting at the road holding a baby carrier. I mean, isn't that basically just telling me that you want more free candy? It's not like the infant is going to eat it! Shameless!

Things got started around 6:15pm and I ran out of candy around 8:30pm.

All in all I feel satisfied that I performed my duties as a Halloween hostess quite proficiently.

Perhaps not as proficiently as THIS Halloween where I hosted a party and declared my undying love for James Bond to my friend Joel* the Jester - but proficiently enough. For children.

(yeah, I did find those pictures and yeah - I was that D-runk.)

Hope ya'll had a wonderfully spooky evening! BTW, if you ever come around to my house on Halloween: One door bell ring/knock is enough. There is NO NEED WHAT-SO-EVER to ring the bell three or four times and then knock on the door. Trust me. I hear you. And yes, I have the "good" candy. So keep those eggs and that soap to yourselves. Have Fun!

*the names of the innocent have been changed to protect their anonymity. Such as it is.