Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Why I'm going to Hell...

SO! Guess what happened at work yesterday! What? No idea? OMG, lemme tell you!

Ok, we have a meeting every Monday at 3PM that involves all the "major players" in project development. I work very closely with all of these individuals and one of these men, Mr. X, even sat in on my interview. He has a military background, like myself and we have worked together on several projects. I would call him a "work friend" meaning that I don't really socialize with him outside the workplace but at the office we share inside jokes and roll our eyes at the same kind of thing. You know what I mean, right? Work friend.

Anyhoo! Yesterday I was the first to arrive in the conference room and Mr. X was next. He laid his stuff down on one of the tables (key card, phone, papers, etc) then said something like "Be right back," before exiting again. I assumed he was going for some water or tea or whatever. A couple of minutes later, my female colleague, Holly* entered the room and exclaimed "OMG, I JUST SAW MR X GETTING ESCORTED OUT OF THE BUILDING IN HAND CUFFS!!!!!"

What the french toast?!?!

We both rushed to the window to look down at the entrance of the building. Then, our boss's boss comes in and is all "Hey, what's going on?" and while Holly is explaining I spot Mr X and two coppers trying to sneak around the side of the building. "They're heading around the back!" I cried!

The three of us ran towards the back window and, because I'm a shameless gossip who has very few boundaries, I yanked up the mini blinds to expose his guilt to the... conference room! We're standing there, watching Mr X get frog-marched to one of FIVE police cruisers when bam - the rest of the people scheduled to attend the meeting show up.

Rex* came over and stood between Holly and myself. "Is that X?" he jokes. "YES!!!!" we cry in unison!! "It's totally Mr. X and he's in handcuffs and there are like five cop cars and OMG WTF?!?!?!"

But, we have a meeting to attend to and (for some reason) it seems to be the silent consent that nothing of Mr. X's plight should be communicated to the team members that have dialed in to the conference call. Why? Hell if I know! Why would you not be all "Holy Fucking SHIT you will not believe what just went down!" But, I guess this is why I'm not in management. Those kinds of decisions escape me.

During the meeting, which was 1 1/2 hours I might add, Holly and I were exchanging notes on a piece of paper. "What happened?" "How the fuck do I know?" "Was it drugs?" "Dog fighting?" we exchanged a glance "PORN?" OMG, I will never look at anything naughty on the work computer again, I swear to God - not even Jude Law. Even though he is very close to the Lord, in my opinion. Especially when not wearing a shirt.

I'm going to Hell aren't I?

After the meeting wrapped up Holly, Rex and I rushed back to the office I share with Gabe*. I mean, it had been over an HOUR! Surely, in an organization as small as ours SOMETHING would be known by now. Did he beat up his girl friend? Neglect to pay back taxes? Too many parking tickets?

No idea! Guess we'll find out today... Or not.

Wanna know what my first thought was? After seeing this co-worker/work friend dragged out of the building, in handcuffs, with little-to-no dignity? "I cannot WAIT to update my facebook status!"

And that, dear readers is why I'm a terrible person and facebook is evil. Case and point.

*names changed to protect my innocent yet equally culpable coworkers. Also, please note that I did NOT in fact update FB. Though, I was sorely tempted.

In all seriousness, I really do feel bad for the man. He is a great guy, excellent in his job - he did many great things in a great organization. Plus, his girl friend works in our building and I can only imagine how terrible this must be for her - she is a super nice lady. I am ashamed at my paparazzi-like, ghoulish need for gossip and hope for some kind of redemption.

Down the road, that is. Plus, it would be a bonus if - you know - it wasn't too painful or embarrassing. Wouldn't want to see it on facebook. Gah, can you imagine?


Elliott said...

Stuff like this never happens in my office. Working at home is boring.

I'm hoping it's nothing too serious, but they don't haul you off from your place of business in handcuffs for 'nothing too serious'.

Unknown said...

Unpaid parking tickets. Too many trips through the toll booth without paying.

Something simple like that.

I betcha.

hokgardner said...

I would have been right there at the window with you!

knittergran said...

I would have been at the window too! (the apple apparently doesn't fall too far from the tree, hokgardner!)
You will tell us when you find out what the problem/crime was, won't you????
(we are all going to hell)

Bev said...

Wow, what an exciting day! You must update us when you find out how he got in trouble with da law!

J said...


Nothing exciting like that happens here!

Maybe he forgot to pay back child support or had bench warrents for old tickets- I've seen many pals hauled off for that kinda shit!

Let us know when you get any additional scoopage~!

Samsmama said...

"Dog fighting" made me laugh. I would have been the exact same way. Except I would have updated my status. Because I'm shameless.

Mala said...

Bev and I have fantastic rooms, with great views, already booked. Join us?

Now git yer arse back here and give us the 411 on this dude!

Anonymous said...

5 patrol cars!? This ain't nothing simple. Dude's going to jail. For something.

If they didn't take his work computer that lessens the whole porn angle. But then again....I'm betting that's it.

I think your FB restraint may have been enough to keep you out of the flames btw.

Unknown said...

holy shit, THAT'S AWESOME!!!

see you hell, save me a seat.