Mary shared a story earlier this week that concerned a certain unsanitary client who happened to be in the house cleaning business. I commented on her post that I had a house cleaner story as well! So, without further ado – the Conspiracy Cleaner.
You may remember that I house-sat for a friend of mine this summer (the whole “homeless” ordeal). It was really great and I wanted to have her entire house cleaned from top to bottom right before she came home as "Thank You" for letting Muffin and I stay in her home. I checked around on the internet and found a seemingly perfect cleaning company. Their website advertised the fact that the owner was a former Army Sergeant and that leant the company credibility in my mind. Heck, I know the Navy taught us how to clean as part of the boot camp process – I felt certain that the Army had done the same!
I called and made an appointment for a “one time” cleaning and scheduled it for 2PM. On the day of the appointment 2PM came and went without a sign or call from the cleaners. Finally, at about 3:45PM a car drove up and two men got out. One was considerably older than the other and as it turned out they were a father and son team. Dandy! Get to work!
I explained what I wanted done, showed them the areas to concentrate on and asked them to stay out of the room I was staying in as well as my daughter’s room – I even closed the doors to emphasize my point. Sounds pretty straight forward right? Imagine my surprise when I came upstairs to check on Muffin and found the son coming out of my room! WTF? Before I could ask him what he was up to my phone rang.
I went downstairs to answer the phone and when I had completed the call the older man started talking to me about conspiracy theories. No lie. He went on about the fact that there are something like 25 major families in the world and they are trying to poison the rest of us via bottled water so that they can take over and start humanity from scratch. Yeah, that was just one of his cuckoo theories. I’d list some others but they were obviously politically motivated and this blog isn’t about that. I started to pray for my phone to ring again so that I could away from the crazy man!
Then the son came downstairs and noticed my PS2. He started trying to sell me some kind of hard drive for the machine that would allow me to load games and never use a disc again. I’m not sure, but I think that might be illegal or something. Like either of them had any credibility at that point! The father started in on another conspiracy, the son embellished it and neither of them did any damn cleaning! I was starting to get a little freaked out. I mean, it was just me and Muffin against a wacko former Army Sergeant and his wacko son!
Finally they said they were finished. I paid them and locked the door behind them. Then I watched them drive away before I called my friend to tell her what kind of nut jobs I had unwittingly let into my friend’s house. While on the phone with her, I went through the house and determined that not only were the two men nut jobs – they were piss poor cleaners! They didn’t even touch the bathtub in the guest bathroom! The mirror in the downstairs bath still had splotches on it. The kitchen had been mopped with a washcloth that was stuck on the end of a stick! Basically, I had to do nearly everything all over myself – and I was PISSED!
I probably should have called and complained but I was afraid of the psychos so I sucked it up and cleaned after the cleaners. I learned my lesson: Forget trying to save a buck and just go with the nationally advertised house cleaning services. Or, better yet, just clean the damn house myself.