Say It Isn't So!!

Some of you may remember a post I did called "What The Hell Happened To Hal Sparks" way back in 2008. It happens to be my most read post - and I'm pretty sure it has everything to do with the fact that a celebrity's name is in the title. I have also received the widest variety of comments from that single post - spanning nearly 18 months! Wow, make a comment about someone's personal style and everyone has something to say...

Then, I saw this on Lamebook yesterday. My long time VH1 "I Love The 80's" commentator received a scathing personal review from a formerly starry eyed fan.

(click here or the picture for the link)


I'm not sure this chick deserves my sympathy. After all, she freely admitted that she spent the night with him because he was a celebrity. His cheating on a girlfriend is really not her business. Making a public announcement about his alleged lack of mad bed skillz just sounds like sour grapes to me.

So, I choose to believe that she's just bitter about not getting a morning after phone call. That way, I can still keep Hal on his pedestal. Because it's all about me. Me, me, me!

Franklin Mott = Epic Batshit Crazy Win

This is why True Blood Season 3 rocks my socks:



Best. Scene. Ever!

Who wants more Franklin? I do! I do!!

Yeah, Just Checking In

I have been the most random poster of late and in the spirit of randomness I present a lolcat. One that I feel perfectly represents moi in an advanced state of inebriation. Voila!



I am the classic "I love you, man" drunk. Oh, and remind me to tell you about the "touch my butt" evening of drinking - that was a classic.

Have a great weekend!

An Evening at the Pool

It took me over a month, but I finally got around to having my recreation access pass made for the complex we live in. Since then, we’ve been going to the pool at every possible opportunity – it’s a great pool! It’s huge! Even on a busy day there is plenty of room for all the kids to mess about without running in to each other. My favorite part is that in the late afternoon (my favorite time to go) nearly half of the sitting area is shaded. Sweet.

So Muffin and I hurried home yesterday (did I mention we have HOV privileges now?) and were able to scramble into our suits in time to spend an hour or so up at the pool before dinner and bed. Here are a few observations from that short amount of time:

1. Late afternoon pool time on a weekday ROCKS! There is barely anyone there and all the good seats are open. Yes! (insert fist pump)

2. Since there were relatively few people to see, late afternoon on a week day was the prime time for me to show off my mad diving skillz in the diving well.

3. OM-Fing-G OUCH!

4. Apparently I’ve grown several chest sizes since my last trip off a diving board. Can we say Boob Flop? I tried several times and each dive off the board resulted in me smacking into the water in a most uncomfortable way. Either I need to relearn how to dive or tuck these puppies away somewhere safe next time.

5. Little boys have no fear. A couple of Muffin’s kindergarten classmates decided to join in the pain joy of the diving board and I suffered for them. They would literally just RUN off the end of the board and either land on their side or back with a loud SPLAT. Then, they’d pop right back up and do it all over again. At every splat the moms would all wince and look anxiously to see if the little fellow was dead or maimed. Nope. Just a little red on one side. Bless their little hearts.

6. One of my neighbors has the uncanny ability to sound exactly like a water buffalo in heat. Seriously, this guy was making obscene honking/snorting noises that sounded like large farts from a hippo’s ass. These noises may or may not have been intended to clear chlorinated water from his sinuses but really only succeeded in earning him lots of the “eww do that somewhere else” looks from all of us normal people.

7. A full day of swim camp + an evening at our pool = one tuckered out little Muffin. The child was drooping and dragging her feet all the way home. The only thing that elicited a somewhat excited response was dinner. After that she begged to go to bed. Muahh ha ha ha – now I know the secret!

And that’s all folks – one hour of observation from the pool of Chez Bebop. Stay tuned for pictures of my budding diva sporting a plethora of bathing suits and hot pink goggles.

Crafty Tues - er, Wednesday!

A few months ago I was walking with a co-worker at lunch and the subject of knitting came up. I mentioned that I had made a few things and she said that she had bought a book and wanted to learn. One thing led to another and I wound up giving her a tiny lesson in my office a few weeks later. She and I made a little bookmark (one of my very first projects) and we were both pleased. I had put knitting to the side since Christmas but working on the bookmark reminded me of how fun it was and I vowed to pick it back up again.

Sadly, knitting is not an activity that I associate with lounging by the pool and since that is what I plan to do all summer, I wasn’t sure how I was going to work in my craftiness. Then, yesterday, my co-worker told me that another woman on her floor also knits and that she wanted us all to get together at lunch a few times a week and work on projects. All you crafters will agree, there is nothing more awesome than talking shop with a fellow enthusiast. We gushed about our stash, showed off a couple of WIPs and made a date for today to get together. Our first mission is to make dishcloths to send to the gulf and help clean the marine critters. Co-worker #2 had heard of this charity at her local yarn store and since dishcloths are simple and quick we thought it would be a fun thing to do.

Plus, I’m PMSing and the thought of oil drenched marine critters is making me want to cry right now. TMI?

So, it’s not exactly Tuesday – but it’s a crafty day anyway. Also, Muffin picked out some pretty pink and purple yarn that I’m going to make into a dishcloth with a heart for her. Then she can use it to clean her bathroom sink (since her toothpaste is pink it shouldn’t matter) and everybody will be happy! Ok, I’ll be happy – but hey, I’m the one who counts!

If anyone is interested in the oil spill clean-up charity here is the link – submissions are due by the end of August and aren’t limited to knitted cloths. Any type of hand crafted small towel is welcome. Save the dolphins! *sob* And have fun while you’re at it!

Sassy Pants - How do you remove them?

I'm in dire need of assistance here, fair readers. How do I put the kibosh on sass backs? They seem to have developed overnight - not unlike that ugly mushroom outside my front door. One day I had a perfectly lovely little six-year-old. The next, I have a sassy little drama queen. Ok, to be fair, the drama was always part of the equation - but the sassy was not.

I developed whip-lash neck this weekend after hearing sass after sass after sass. An example:

In response to a snack confirmation request she said "Mom, I totally did not say that," complete with eyeroll and hair toss. What the hell? When did she learn to insert "totally" into a sentence to lend it validity? Also, yes you did, Muffin. You totally DID say that and now, because of your sass, I'm holding you to it as opposed to a snack change. Goldfish it is - it's your own sassy fault that you forgot about the My Little Pony gummy treats.

I know that the recent sass-plosion can not be due to her television choices because I'm pretty sure that Dora would get her ass handed to her if she decided to sass her abuela. Muffin did, however, start summer camp at the YMCA last week - so the change in companions is a reasonable explanation. Who knew that the Alexandria VA children would be so disrespectful! Still, I'm not giving up my HOV privileges on account of her new attitude - we can fix the attitude (I hope), HOV is priceless.

So, aside from scolding and stuff - how do you liberate a little girl from sass? Any advice? I thought about the punishment I would have received if I had even thought about talking back to my parents - but I'm pretty sure that I don't want CPS involved. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next ten years? Say it isn't so!

Lost ala Lolcats

Yeah, I suck. I haven't even WATCHED the last Lost Episode - and yet, this lolcat video made my day.



We All Everybody!

What, Six Weeks Already?

Wow. Six weeks have gone by pretty fast with no updates in Bebop-land. Any idea why that might be? Well, it's pretty much because nothing has happened.

Oh sure, Muffin said some really cute things and her jack-ass of a dad acted like a... well, a Jackass. But neither of things is novel nor earth shattering. Though, as a mom I have to say Muffin's little turns of phrase are pretty adorable. She has taken to spelling things out and the results are very amusing. I love six-year-olds. As long as they are related to me. (Just kidding! not really)

I have utterly failed at unpacking the boxes I swore to have unpacked by Easter. When was Easter? Like a month ago? Yep, epic fail on my part! But I own it. It's like I was explaining to my older sister - I've lived without this crap for nearly a year now!

Part of me just wants to throw the boxes in the dump. But a greater part of me knows that there are things in these boxes that I will want later. Things like baby pictures and shit. You know, that stuff we're supposed to hold on to for sentiment's sake? I'm reminded of a George Carlin skit that explains the mystery of *stuff* - anyone else remember that one? Just me? No wait! There's YOUTUBE!




Yep, pretty much me in a nutshell. All I need is my Vaseline, french toenail clippers and a dildo. AND if you didn't watch to the end of that clip then you can just keep imagining those are my treasured possessions. If you did watch until the end... How did he know? (LOL! no really how did he KNOW)

So, my time off? I can't really account for it. Just living, working, driving, shopping - the stuff of life. I'd blog more at work (my favorite place to blog!) but my computer is inconveniently placed so that everyone walking by can see the screen. Strangely enough, blogging on company time isn't exactly smiled upon. Go figure.

Random Snippets

I know I’ve been a ghost around these parts – I have a new addiction. No, not a video game (*cough*) but something else. I started writing, not here obviously, but yeah. I’m absolutely consumed with it. Takes up most evenings and lunch breaks these days. Times that were formerly devoted to snarky blog posts and other amusing antics. Hence, the ghostliness.

Snippet #2: Muffin’s Dad has called her a grand total of TWO times since Christmas. The first, around president’s day, was to request a visit – which I agreed to. But, he never called back to set up a date or time so… No visit. The second was to leave a long, cryptically melodramatic message about needing to see Muffin and “things going on” and “must talk to you about” vagaries. Seriously? Fine, so we called back. I actually let Muffin call him back (three days later) and when he answered I could tell something was wrong. She was trying to tell him how much she missed him and stuff and he sounded loud and strange. Finally, she handed the phone over to me and I could tell that he was crying. Turns out, there was some serious shit going down at that exact moment concerning his estranged wife and children. He said he’d call back.

Right, remember that whole incident with Mr. X? Guess what I did? I GOOGLED! And found nothing. I searched local newspapers, facebook, every avenue I could think of and found nothing. Which is frustrating when you’re dying for gossip information. He did call back and explain slightly. Nothing that I couldn’t have predicted, but still sad and upsetting – for him. And… since this blog is about me, not him I won’t go into it. (That noise? That was me taking the high road! It is a steep slope, lemme tell ya) He wanted to set up a time to see Muffin that just so happens to coincide with my long anticipated trip home. He understood and is going to come to my hometown and take her out to dinner. Compromise? What next – time running backwards? Color my world rocked.

Which brings me to snippet number three – I’m going home this coming weekend. I’m taking half a day off of work to spend two nights with the parents. One night is going to be dedicated to my sister and local buddy – a fact that my parents aren’t aware of. Also, Mom and Dad don’t know about the arrangement with Muffin’s Dad. Actually, I haven’t been communicating with them much at all since their last visit. So, I guess I’d better get on the horn and let mom them know what’s going on so that mom they can alter their plans accordingly. Plans that will undoubtedly include Mexican food, a trip to Grandpa’s and a “long walk” which is a euphemism for “let’s go for a walk and gossip about the family!”

Good times, good times. I’m going to keep my hand in here at chez bebop, but I’m SO lacking blog fodder these days! Having an uncomplicated life leads to a dull blog, I guess. In other news, the great winter of 2010 has finally given way to a lovely spring. The flowers in these parts could not contain themselves. They are blooming all over! I can’t help but feel that Mother Nature has a final “F U” snow up her sleeve and that all the lovely blooms will be killed off – but you know me, always looking for the downside. See you around the interwebs!

What The French Toast?

A couple of weeks ago my good friend Deb visited and turned me on to my new favorite (kid friendly) phrase. What The French Toast? Apparently it is derived from an Orbitz commercial and now I will share that commercial with you.



Lint Licker! Hoe-boken! Sweet...

Anywho - remember that post I did a while ago about workplace culture and the like? Guess what all of my co-workers are saying now? What The French Toast?!?! I love it! Thanks Deb!

Wrapping Up The Drama

So, we were never exactly told the reasons behind Mr. X's arrest but I'm guessing it has something to do with the fraud allegations that were uncovered thanks to the modern miracle that is Google. Bless you Google for making it possible to spy on boyfriends/girlfriends/ex's/etc coworkers. You make the world a little less private and a whole lot more embarrassing. Oh, and according to you I'm a doctor as well as a budding rock star and make tiny clay figurines from home. Yay for me.

Right, the arrest happened on Monday, on Thursday there was a "one-liner" from our HR person saying that "Mr. X is no longer employed at Calicobebop's Workplace." Oops, my bad - it was a two liner - the second line read "He is no longer allowed on the premises or in the parking garage." Wha-damn! Oh yeah, and they hired a security guard who now sits on his ass in the lobby protects us from vengeful ex-employees hell bent on fulfilling their dream of going postal on all the people who wronged them.

You can always tell by the announcement if someone has left in disgrace or with the blessing of upper management. If you've screwed up and gotten fired or just quit - you get the little one liner. "So-and-so is no longer an employee." If you've retired after busting your buns for 20 odd years, you get the three paragraph glowing report of the many ways you contributed to the organization and how you will be missed and that we all wish you luck on future endeavors, blah, blah, blah...

OK, so Mr. X is "fired" on Thursday. On Friday the HR person sent out a job announcement for his position. This company works fast, lemme tell you! Not sure what we're supposed to do in the meantime but I think it's along the lines of "man up and deal" because that's the vibe I'm picking up and I'm usually not very intuitive.

There it is, the story that I will probably tell a thousand times so stop me if you've heard it before.

Also, I just want to thank all of you that have offered me a seat on your ride to Hell. I vote we all car pool together and get tricked out van complete with mini bar. What do you think? After all, vans are the personality vehicles! Let's ride!

Update on the workplace drama...

Well, here’s an update of sorts…

Of course, Monday night my co-workers and I googled the HELL out of Mr. X and came up with some past convictions of fraud as well some other things but nothing really shocking or scandalizing. It does make one wonder though, how well do you really know your co-workers? I mean, this guy was apparently lying his pants off – and getting away with it – and nobody knew!

This morning, on my way to the break room, I saw our office manager showing a security guard around and showing him where to conduct his patrol. So, apparently the organization has decided to step up security as a result of this incident. I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that this is a “cover your ass” kind of thing and not the result of an actual threat.

Also, I imagine that the background/security checks will be ramped up for future employees (I slipped through though, whew!) because if I can type in the guy’s name on google and see all this shit – chances are the HR people could have done the same.

I still haven’t heard anything about his girlfriend and since she works in an entirely different department two floors down, I haven’t had the opportunity to snoop express my concern. It’s not looking good for the guy. The level of excitement around here has dwindled back to normal levels but if anything new develops I’ll be sure to write something about it – if not on FB, then here for sure!

Why I'm going to Hell...

SO! Guess what happened at work yesterday! What? No idea? OMG, lemme tell you!

Ok, we have a meeting every Monday at 3PM that involves all the "major players" in project development. I work very closely with all of these individuals and one of these men, Mr. X, even sat in on my interview. He has a military background, like myself and we have worked together on several projects. I would call him a "work friend" meaning that I don't really socialize with him outside the workplace but at the office we share inside jokes and roll our eyes at the same kind of thing. You know what I mean, right? Work friend.

Anyhoo! Yesterday I was the first to arrive in the conference room and Mr. X was next. He laid his stuff down on one of the tables (key card, phone, papers, etc) then said something like "Be right back," before exiting again. I assumed he was going for some water or tea or whatever. A couple of minutes later, my female colleague, Holly* entered the room and exclaimed "OMG, I JUST SAW MR X GETTING ESCORTED OUT OF THE BUILDING IN HAND CUFFS!!!!!"

What the french toast?!?!

We both rushed to the window to look down at the entrance of the building. Then, our boss's boss comes in and is all "Hey, what's going on?" and while Holly is explaining I spot Mr X and two coppers trying to sneak around the side of the building. "They're heading around the back!" I cried!

The three of us ran towards the back window and, because I'm a shameless gossip who has very few boundaries, I yanked up the mini blinds to expose his guilt to the... conference room! We're standing there, watching Mr X get frog-marched to one of FIVE police cruisers when bam - the rest of the people scheduled to attend the meeting show up.

Rex* came over and stood between Holly and myself. "Is that X?" he jokes. "YES!!!!" we cry in unison!! "It's totally Mr. X and he's in handcuffs and there are like five cop cars and OMG WTF?!?!?!"

But, we have a meeting to attend to and (for some reason) it seems to be the silent consent that nothing of Mr. X's plight should be communicated to the team members that have dialed in to the conference call. Why? Hell if I know! Why would you not be all "Holy Fucking SHIT you will not believe what just went down!" But, I guess this is why I'm not in management. Those kinds of decisions escape me.

During the meeting, which was 1 1/2 hours I might add, Holly and I were exchanging notes on a piece of paper. "What happened?" "How the fuck do I know?" "Was it drugs?" "Dog fighting?" we exchanged a glance "PORN?" OMG, I will never look at anything naughty on the work computer again, I swear to God - not even Jude Law. Even though he is very close to the Lord, in my opinion. Especially when not wearing a shirt.

I'm going to Hell aren't I?

After the meeting wrapped up Holly, Rex and I rushed back to the office I share with Gabe*. I mean, it had been over an HOUR! Surely, in an organization as small as ours SOMETHING would be known by now. Did he beat up his girl friend? Neglect to pay back taxes? Too many parking tickets?

No idea! Guess we'll find out today... Or not.

Wanna know what my first thought was? After seeing this co-worker/work friend dragged out of the building, in handcuffs, with little-to-no dignity? "I cannot WAIT to update my facebook status!"

And that, dear readers is why I'm a terrible person and facebook is evil. Case and point.

*names changed to protect my innocent yet equally culpable coworkers. Also, please note that I did NOT in fact update FB. Though, I was sorely tempted.

In all seriousness, I really do feel bad for the man. He is a great guy, excellent in his job - he did many great things in a great organization. Plus, his girl friend works in our building and I can only imagine how terrible this must be for her - she is a super nice lady. I am ashamed at my paparazzi-like, ghoulish need for gossip and hope for some kind of redemption.

Down the road, that is. Plus, it would be a bonus if - you know - it wasn't too painful or embarrassing. Wouldn't want to see it on facebook. Gah, can you imagine?

Boo Boo Zone

What is the quickest way to ensure your child has a mishap? Dress them up! Nice clothes attract misadventure – it’s a proven fact. So, after allowing Muffin to wear a dress and tights to school yesterday I shouldn’t have been surprised to find her in tears when I picked her up.

Muffin was sitting alone, despondently poking at some Lincoln Logs when I came to pick her up. I could tell that she was in the zone. The Boo Boo Zone. And let me tell you, when Muffin goes into the Boo Boo Zone, she lingers. She wallows. She savors every shuddering teary breath. And it lasts for HOURS – literally hours. She was still going on about her boo boo when I tucked her into bed.

(Where in the wide world of sports did my daughter get this drama gene? She was a hot mess. Bless her little heart I know exactly where she gets the “does not cry pretty” gene because let’s face it, fair skinned freckly people tend to get red and blotchy when the tears come so, sorry Muffin – Mama owns that one.)

Turns out she had a little accident and fell down while playing outside. Twice. On the same knee. The first coherent words out of her mouth were “I went to the bathroom to pull down my tights and look at my boo boo and,” here she paused for effect “there was blood” she finished in a horrified whisper.

I knew, then and there that this was going to be a long one. One quick look was enough to let me know that she was in no danger because whatever blood she had seen had not even shown up on her white tights.

She limped out of Kindercare and to the car and when we got in she explained “the reason why I’m walking that way is because of my boo boo and it really hurts when I straighten my leg.” This announcement was followed by more tears and sniffles. The 20 minute ride home was punctuated by exclamations of pain, lots of tears and (to my jaded ears) forced, fake crying. She was well and truly gone - oblivious to everything except the performance.

Once at home I asked her to go and take off her tights so I could examine the boo boo. This exercise was met with fresh tears and moans of pain. There she sat, on a little chair in her room, bereft of tights, sobbing hot tears of misery. I took a look. THERE WAS BARELY A SCRATCH! BARELY!! No blood! Just red welts that, perhaps to a six-year-old, may have been confused for blood. Regardless, I whipped out my secret weapon – a Dora Band-aid.

Once the band-aid was applied her mood perked up a little. She still limped dramatically, but on the whole the tears where gone. I was messing about on the computer when she came over, sat next to me, put her head on my shoulder and stated “My boo boo hurt as much as my heart would hurt if you died.”

What the French toast? My daughter has gone all EMO at age six? (dammit, I knew my love of 80’s alternative rock would come back to haunt me) When I tucked her into bed I said that I hoped her boo boo would feel better the next day and she nodded, sniffing tearily.

And you know what? No mention of it today. We’re talking over three hours of red-welt-induced drama last night and today – gone! Poof! She is as changeable as the weather. Bless her little heart.

My cat totally gets this...

Oh, the persecution of the kitteh...


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Autocomplete Muffin

OMG - a post about my daughter!


see more

I do love the "I Can Has Cheezburger" network... So much entertainment in one place!

Friday Rambles

Wow. Friday. End of a five-day work week. Been a while since I’ve worked five days in a row – thanks to snow, and more snow and President’s day and then some more snow. I’m so exhausted that I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

That doesn’t mean I can’t ramble on though! Let’s hear it for some rambling!

I have fostered an addition in my child. She is now a hard core gamer. That’s right – when faced with a week of forced togetherness I broke down, went to the local game store and bought a Barbie horseback riding game. It was a life-saver at the time and now she wants to play it all the time. I’ve to get medieval tough and restrict game time to weekends and only for a couple hours. When she asked why that rule didn’t apply to me I had to lay it out for her: “Because I’m the Mama, that’s why.”

Let’s hear it for being the Mama.

Sometimes being the Mama sucks though – like when you have to figure out where that odd smell is coming from? And when there are bugs to be killed… And snow to be shoveled… Though, Elliott did suggest that I toss Miss Muffin out there next winter because (in his words) it will make her strong, like bear! Know what? I’m totally going to do it. Next winter (and watch there be no snow) she’s getting her very own shovel to “help” Mama.

Speaking of “helping” Mama… I want to introduce my six-year-old to some real household chores. You know, make her earn her keep! I remember helping out with chores when I was young, but I can’t remember how old I was. I usually had to dust baseboards, vacuum, load the dishwasher and clean bathrooms but is that too much for my girl? I mean, she already makes her bed and keeps her room neat – doesn’t that mean she can graduate to some REAL housecleaning? Have I brought this up before? Maybe I’ll start her out with the bathroom – it’s my least favorite chore anyway.

Muahh ha ha hah… Let’s hear it for child labor.

Speaking of chores, guess who’s buying a new vacuum this weekend? That’s right – moi! Apparently the move did not agree with my old vacuum as it has begun to make some rather alarming noises and vibrates in my hand. Not that I have anything against the vibrating (ha!) but the noise? The noise concerns me. I’d hate to have the damn thing blow up and kill me. Wouldn’t that be a horrible thing for my daughter to see? Yikes! Does anyone else have crazy morbid thoughts like that? I got so paranoid over the bat-shit-crazy-landlady last fall that I insisted Muffin know how to dial 911 and my parents. Then I bought a new phone and haven’t taught her how to use it yet. Note to self…

I suppose that’s enough randomness for the time being… So, aside from vacuuming, monitoring my daughter’s game usage and teaching her how to dial 911 in case I keel over unexpectedly - we don’t have much planned for the weekend. We might *gasp* get out and go somewhere! Miracle of miracles! Or… not. That’s how we roll – unpredictable, unchained, free as the wind! Have a great weekend!

WTF Thursday - Facebook FTW

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. There are times when I think it's pure evil and times when I think it's just slightly wicked. One of the things I HATE are the "friend suggestions" and here is a failbooking entry that completely captures this feeling:


see more funny facebook stuff!

No kidding! If I haven't "friended" them in the past year or so that probably means I don't WANT to "friend" them! PLEASE stop suggesting that I reconnect with someone I loathe!!! Kai Thks!

Um, Tooth Fairy? Do your job!

I saw this on one of my favorite giggle sites Passive Aggressive Notes - when I saw this I laughed out loud! What's sad is that I almost forgot to do the tooth fairy duty they other night. So, so glad I didn't.

Here is the full story. I hope I never forget and incur the wrath of a passive aggressive first grader!

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

My little girl lost a tooth last night! Well, I pulled it for her – but she came to me and said it was ready to come out and by golly, it was. She’s a brave little Muffin, that’s for sure. This is her third lost tooth. The first one was accidentally eaten at her dad’s house. Of course. The second one came out while we were still living in the crazy lady’s house and now this one.

Am I the only one that finds pulling teeth disgusting? I can’t STAND it!! I can’t even bear to watch her wiggle the lose tooth. Makes me shudder and gag – no kidding. This is one of the toughest part of mommy-hood in my opinion. Still, it’s a necessary part and will hopefully be over in the next couple of years.

This brings me around to the topic of the day – the Tooth Fairy. I’ve seen several other posts on this subject and am interested in your input. For the first tooth Muffin received a Barbie Fairy from Target – very inexpensive gift but one I knew she would like. This tooth brought her a Lil’ Webkinz unicorn. Again, relatively inexpensive but something she adores. I haven’t given her money because I don’t know what the going rate for a tooth is these days and I would hate for her to go to school and be all “The tooth fairy gave me a dollar!” only to hear that the tooth fairy gave her friend $5.

So, what is the going rate for a tooth? What do you guys do? And what am I supposed to do with all these little teeth? Make them into a necklace? A charm bracelet? Inquiring minds want to know!

Woe is me - no more Cheesy Tots.

I try very hard not to eat fast food. It’s difficult in these “fast times” but I usually manage to talk myself out of a visit to the drive through by focusing on the hassle of getting my car out of the garage at lunchtime and remembering that the only fast food restaurant within driving distance is McD’s. Not that I’m knocking McD’s – but I can’t get excited about something that is always there.

So, today I had to get out at lunch to return my DVR player (insert growl) because it inexplicably broke down yesterday and started going bat-shit crazy. Thank goodness I still had a couple of DVDs of True Blood to watch because otherwise I’d have been seriously put out. I was still put out – but when the only option is to wait until Wednesday evening (the only “late” appointment available) or take the damn thing to Cox myself – I took matters into my own hands.

The only good thing about taking the piece of shit (did I mention that I’ve only had it since December?) to Cox was the fact that there is a Burger King in the same shopping area. And I love cheesy tots. If you’ve never had them, you don’t know what you’re missing and apparently you never will because DAMMIT they’ve been discontinued!


I was PISSED! I came back to the office and googled the shit and you know what? I’m not the only one who was angry at the deprivation of cheesy tots. There is a facebook page (which I promptly joined) dedicated to the protest! And I don’t protest. Much. In public anyway.

Burger King – you are on notice. There isn’t one thing left on your menu that I couldn’t get elsewhere. Bring back the effing cheesy tots or you will be considered dead to me. Cut off. No more of my hard earned money. Kaput.

Finis.

Fridays Are For Venting

I’ve decided to give up my f-bomb filled Fridays. I did a little research on how my blog was being found and it was disturbing to say the least. Now, I know that I can be pretty disturbing but in my defense - I’m going to claim that the f-bombs were bringing the pervs. Nuff said.

I’m still going to vent though. This time, I’m venting about traffic. I know, I know – we all hate traffic and everybody thinks where they live is the worst. Believe me, I completely understand. I’ve driven in some pretty horrible places and am not about to say that the DC area is the worst. (even though it is) I’m just going to point out some of my observations.

1. Person most likely to cut you off? A woman. Yep. Soccer moms are bad, but the bitch in the sports car is the worst. I used to think that it was young punk ass kids that pulled that shit but apparently women who drive high-end cars have a sense of entitlement that allows their conscious to rationalize zooming up the side only to cut in front of someone who has been in that lane for 30 minutes.
2. Person most likely to ride your ass? Middle aged men. I’m thinking that this is because it’s the closest they “actually” riding an “real” ass so maybe they just can’t help themselves. Still pisses me off though.
3. Person most likely to not let you in off an acceleration lane? Men. Hands down – across the board. They ride the ass of the car in front of them and refuse to make room for someone who is rapidly running out of room in the acceleration lane. Punks!
4. Person most likely to cause an accident in a parking lot? Tiny people in large SUVs. They can’t effing see! Plus, half of them seem to want to back into an effing parking space! WTF is up with that, anyway?
5. Person most likely to cause an accident on the highway? Women. Again. On cell phones no less. Or texting. Pay attention! I have a precious six-year-old in my car and if I wreck because of you I will CUT YOUR HEART OUT!

My overall conclusion is that women actually ARE bad drivers. No wonder people want us off the road. I want those bitches off the road. Especially the ones who cut me off. Still, the men folk are just as bad. Sometimes I want to deliberately slam on the brakes and let that douche behind me buy me a new bumper. Sometimes I want to just plow right into that shiny BMW that refuses to let me in even though I legitimately have a reason to be merging!

But I am learning to cope with my road rage in small ways. Now I leave large gaps between me and the car in front of me on purpose because I know somebody is looking for that hole to dart into. I try to merge as soon as humanly possible so people won’t get the idea that I’m trying to “cut in line” and get ahead of them. I listen to classical music when Muffin is in the car and a book on CD when I’m on my own. I still dwell on the unfairness of traffic – but I try not to let it get the best of me. Stupid fuckers.

WTF Thursday - brought to you by my subconscious

Last night I watched the most recent episode of Lost as well as three episodes of True Blood. One might think that the combination would result in a lovely dream featuring this guy:

Or maybe even this guy:


But, no. Instead, my dreams were so surreal and vivid that I felt like I was watching a mish-mash of the two programs together. Without the sexy bits.

There was an airplane crash – in Louisiana! And the survivors (me included) wound up in an underground vampire lair trying to escape the evil smoke monster (played by Dev Patel who is going to play Zuko in the upcoming movie The Last Airbender) through a blow-up waterpark slide.

And that was just the beginning. There was a bunch of chasing and lots of escaping and large quantities of being terrified. All in all, not the ideal fantasy.

I woke up several times through the night and each time I fell asleep again – it was to the same story. With no Sawyer, no Bill, nobody I would care to get to know in a fantastic dream sequence! Rose and Bernard were there. *yawn* Sookie was there *snore* but no cute guys! Not even her crazy-ass brother! I mean, can’t a girl catch a break? Even in her dreams?

At least I enjoy both shows in real life – even if I can’t enjoy them in my dreams.

Not Wordless Wednesday - Snowmageddon

Here I am literally up to my knees in snow. That hasn't happened since... never.

My car the morning after. Those little black specs on the hood? My wiper blades sticking straight up! The second car to the left is partially dug out here (because they are way smarter than me and chose to dig during the snow). You can see the ledge of three feet on the rear of their BMW.

Paolo after the three back breaking hours of digging. There was a big pile of snow directly behind all of the cars because we were TOLD by the HOA to throw the snow in the middle for the plow to move. Apparently the fire marshal wasn't included in those instructions because we all got in trouble. Whoopsie!

You can see the wall of snow behind my lovely Paolo here. Needless to say, when the plow did come through I had to spend another hour of back breaking labor to make a path for him. Curse you snow plow! It's a love/hate relationship.

So, those are the pictures - none of my fraidy cat cautious daughter because the drifts were too high in her opinion. Afterall, if she got lost who would fill my heart? (her real question, I kid you not). Well, Muffin - you make a good case.

Don't I have a blog or something?

So, I guess being snowed in and having a federal holiday all rolled up together means I forget how to post, right? One would think that I could post from home but ironically – I am much busier at home than I usually give myself credit for. Also, though I’m sure blog fodder abounds, it never occurs to me until I’m on that long-ass commute to or from work. I’m like a trained animal that way.

I suppose you have all read plenty of posts about Snowmageddon DC 2010 by now, haven’t you? Enough to make you want to tear out your eyeballs at the slightest mention of snow and snow-related bitching? Well, I won’t put you through that. Much. Just a couple of highlights:

1. Snow fall is pretty. Snow on the ground sucks. Three feet of snow on the ground sucks big time.
2. It took me a total of four hours to dig my car out. Twice.
3. Muffin refused to take a “winter walk” with me on the grounds that she was afraid I would lose her in the snow.
4. Muffin and I had just the tiniest bit too much togetherness.
5. Going to work last Friday was both a relief and a nightmare – the roads were terrible and honestly? Who closes for a WHOLE WEEK only to open on the Friday before a three-day-weekend?

That’s pretty much it. One would think I would have unpacked a lot of boxes but that didn’t happen. Hey – I’m giving myself to Easter remember? I still have something like six weeks to get everything squared away and anyway, snow days are for fun – am I right? Why waste a snow day doing something practical?

Today is Fat Tuesday and I’ve decided to give up booze for Lent. Let’s see how that goes shall we? Anybody else participating? If so, what are you giving up?

This one is for my younger sister... From my new favorite site Failbooking!

Oh Lord, please forgive me, but that last one? I'd think about it! ;)

Snow – The Do’s and Don’ts per Calicobebop

With yet ANOTHER big snow storm headed our way, I thought I'd put together my "lessons learned" from the previous storms. Behold!

Upon first hearing of a “winter advisory” DON’T keep reminding your co-workers. They get it and most of them aren’t nearly as delighted as you seem to be.



When the anticipated snow date is a few days away DO ensure that you have properly stocked your liquor cabinet. Screw the milk and bread – vodka is the real necessity.




When you are 24 hours out from a publicized snow event DON’T take the word of the weather commentator that the precipitation is going to be around 20%. They have no flipping clue and it’s better to be over-prepared. Refer to the previous entry.

Once snow fall commences, DON’T take it upon yourself to engage in sightseeing with your out-of-town relatives. Yeah, they may want to go to that special shop and yeah, you might want to show it off but the ensuing 2 ½ hour ride home does NOT make it worth the trip.

During your enforced confinement DO try to make the best of the situation. Six-year-olds get stir crazy – do something fun! Play some cards, bake some cookies, drink the vodka and everything will turn out alright.
The next day, DO take a few minutes (or more!) to take pleasure in the winter wonderland. That pretty white stuff will soon turn black and yucky – enjoy it while you can. Let the kids run off some of that pent-up energy. Take a nice long walk but DO make sure it’s after you’ve shoveled out your car because trust me, you won’t want to do it when you get back.

If you happen to be visiting someone who lives in a complex of some sort DON’T park in a nicely shoveled out space. The person who did all that work is going to hunt you down and cut your heart out be pretty miffed to come home and find that all of their hard work is now benefiting a complete stranger. Not to mention the fact that they will now have to find another space or park IN the snow. If you chose to disregard this warning be prepared for hate and discontent. I'm talking to YOU, Blue Honda!

That's about all I've got - any more suggestions? Muffin and I are well stocked and I'm hoping to have a few left overs from Breakfast Club as well. We've got all sorts of indoor entertainment lined up and I'm kind of excited - it will be our first blizzard on our own! We've always had company before. Stay warm out there!

WTF Thursday - The Lost Fan Edition

I'm a Lost Fan.


Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

My office mate is already wishing for his own demise. Bwahh ha ha hah...

Wordless Wednesday - A Snowy Walk

Taken Saturday at the beginning of the snow. Grandmama and Muffin keeping each other warm.

Breakfast Club

I love my job. I didn’t know that it was possible to actually like coming to work and I feel like I’m getting away with something because I do. This place employs a multitude of characters who are very lively and positive. Very different from my previous life. The only possible downside I can think of is the fact that there is always food. Everyday somebody is bringing something in or setting out the leftovers from a catered conference. I’ve gained at least 20 pounds since I started work here. Loving every damn second of it.

My department is fairly large and when I first came onboard I was told about Breakfast Club. Every Friday a different member of Breakfast Club would bring in a huge breakfast spread for the other members. Membership is not mandatory but let me tell you – if you so much as look at the buffet you had better be prepared to join. Actually, there are so many of us that at this point a body only has to bring breakfast four times a year! Anyway, standards are high. Very high. Waffle bars get set up, people bake quiches in the wee hours of the morning to bring in, people boil down pumpkins for fresh pumpkin muffins, people stay up and make salmon strada the night before! Fresh fruit is always provided as well as a wide selection pastries, yogurt other yummy goodies. It’s an event.

Last Friday, Breakfast Club was somewhat of a letdown. The member who’s turn it was brought in twelve yogurt cups, a box of Hostess Coffee Cakes and three different containers of fruit. Let me tell you – the outrage basically destroyed all productive work for the day. Emails flew about, the member had his car keys pressed into his hand and was pointed in the direction of the parking garage to go forth and bring back a REAL breakfast. He came back with some Challa Bread (?) and organic cream cheese.

More emails flew about and the member was almost expelled from Breakfast Club. There are some pretty big fellows in the Club and they need their dirty carbs and meat products! They don’t care about “organic” and “gourmet” shit! They need substance! The offending member complained that he didn’t buy much because last time there was so much left over. The response was: There would be no leftovers if you brought something GOOD!

All of this was quite good natured and only a little passive aggressive but needless to say, I know have a very clear understanding of what is expected of me when it’s my turn. Which happens to be this Friday. *Gulp* Anyone know a good catering company?

Fuck You Friday - Mean Girls

This one is a two-parter. Both events happened yesterday.

Fuck you little bitch who said you didn’t want to be friends with my daughter. You think you’re so special? I’ve got news for you – you’re NOT! You think you have the power to make or break someone’s day? The next time I come to pick up my little girl and she is in tears from something your fugly ass said I will stomp you into next week. Capiche?

And Fuck You jeep driving C*** (even I can’t bring myself to use this word). Yeah, I heard you beeping behind me at the light but I’m sorry no amount of your angry gestures and frantic horn blowing is going to persuade me to put my car out in the middle of an intersection on the off chance that the cars ahead of me will move up before the light turns red. OK, I admit, I did delay a tad but seriously, you had it coming. Your behavior was uncalled for and if I had been in a better mood maybe I would have tried to comply. Oh who am I kidding! I should have just laid on the brakes and put the damn car in park. I don’t respond to that type of behavior. As a matter of fact, it makes me quite obstinate so next time I see your red Jeep I will behave exactly the same way. Just a little heads up.

What is with mean little girls?!?! My daughter was in tears yesterday afternoon because some little twat told Muffin to go away because she didn’t want to be friends with her. I mean SIX YEAR OLDS! I was aghast. I wish there was some way to shield Muffin from the type of behavior I that experienced all too well but I’m afraid all I can do is comfort her. And maybe teach her a few judo moves or something…

And as for the bitch in the Jeep? Seriously? I’m supposed to drive out in the middle of the intersection? Sure the light was green but there was no room on the other side! The light up ahead was red and nobody was moving? I have a kid in my car and I don’t give a flying fuck how desperate your need is to get through! UGH!

In happier news… My parents are here for the weekend. Muffin has a teacher work days both today and Monday so she’s getting some quality time with Grandmama and Granddaddy. I know all parties are very pleased with the arrangement. I intend to do some retail therapy this weekend. Happy Friday!

WTF Thursday - Arlington Rap for Anonymous

For a special anonymous commenter - she knows what this is all about!



See you at the Starbucks!

Not Wordless Wednesday - Chirstmas with Nog

Eggnog. Eggnog avec Captain Morgan's Rum. How else can you explain these pictures... (family forgive me!)

Present?!?! Where's my present!?!

PANTS!


Brown Betty SUGAR BOWL!


TURTLE FREAKING NECK!!



Uhmmmmm.... NIECE!

Yeah, the family that drinks spiked eggnog on Christmas morning together loves each other. Or, so I'm told. *cough* Ahem.

In all actuality - these pictures were taken quite soberly. BTW, notice that the blog owner is conspicuously absent. Guess who was the only one taking pictures! I mean, SERIOUSLY, are we over the top or what?

(must start grooming daughter for slightly more serious life now...)

No dear, theater classes are forbidden. Why? Ask your aunts and uncle. Mmmkai? Tks!

MWAH! I love my family - we are crazy but we are LEGION!

I *heart* Top Gear

Those of you that know me (ish) may have come to the conclusion that I'm fairly girly and not at all into things like sports, spitting, muscle cars or bugs. And that would be 99% true. The one exception in my world is Top Gear.


I fucking LOVE this show. LOVE IT! I cannot make it through an episode without tears of laughter streaking down my face. I love these guys:

Mostly because they are English and funny but I have always had a special place in my heart for people that really know their shit. And these guys really, really, really know cars. The talk about cars and various car related things like a sommelier talks about fine wine - kinda above my head but damn, it's sexy to listen to. And Jeremy (below) walks on water as far as I'm concerned.

They review various extremely fast and utterly unaffordable cars, have celebrities do a round on their practice track, as well as carry off unbelievable stunts such as the picture below which was taken during their Lorry Test.

Yep. It's one stop entertainment and I'm hooked. Whenever I'm feeling down all I have to do is watch an episode of Top Gear to get my bounce back. Thanks Jeremy, Richard and James! If we ever meet, I'll buy you a pint. And Stig, if we ever meet... I'll just point you to the nearest racing track.

Also, did you know that you can't use the "less than three" combination to make a little heart? Blogger thinks you're trying some kind of html tag. Learn something new every day!

Random Musings... Jan 25 2010

Random musings…

I haven’t done a lot of crafty type things lately and I’m beginning to feel guilty. It’s like knowing that you have the power to save the world and you’re just too lazy – I feel like the mere fact that I know how to knit means I had better have a project or several on the needles. I feel lazy. I blame the boxes. And Dragon Age.

Since my weight gain my boobs have grown and I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, they fill out sweaters but on the other they seem to catch things. Like crumbs. Still, it’s pretty satisfying to know that one’s cleavage is the best in the room. Not a feeling I’ve had very often, let me tell you.

My ipod still has Christmas music on it. For the life of me I can’t remember to update my music when I am at home (boxes!) and therefore I have limited listening at work. Grrr…

Speaking of work… I thought the military had the corner on acronyms but I was wrong! If you work for a business who’s customer is the government you are loaded down with buggers! My favorite is TAA because I always end up saying TNA. Because I’m obsessed with my “new” bewbs I guess. *smacks head*

I can't decide if facebook is awesome or evil. Right now I'm leaning towards evil. I reserve the right to change my mind, however.

What are people calling this decade? Does it have a name? Did the last decade have a name? I am/was essentially a child of the '80s and '90s. What is my child a child of? The new millennium? These kids are start thinking their pretty hot stuff with that kind of a title.

My parents are coming this weekend and that means my OCD needs to kick in so I can make the house suitable. Anyone know how to jump start that?

What was I just doing?

Fuck You Friday Wonder Pet edition

This F-U Friday is dedicated to Samsmama for the facebook message that ruined started off my morning.

Fuck You Wonder Pets! Fuck your silly mind numbing song that loops in my head on repeat if I hear even a fraction of it at any time. Fuck your stupid little outfits and morality stories that always make Lenny out to be the all knowing God Of Helpfulness And Good Manners! Fuck you Ming Ming – I hate your lisp and you’re a selfish little bitch. Tuck, you’re just sad. Sad and STUPID! You never think for yourself! Fuck the fly-boat – could these preschool animals find a more ridiculous name for a flying contraption? My left elbow could come up with something more creative! Finally, FUCK all the absurd baby animals that are always getting in trouble! Here’s a hint – share, try new things and eat your veggies – then maybe the terrible self righteous trio won’t be called upon to save your dumb ass.

What's gonna work? My foot up your butt! I hate that show. And the fucking celery at the end.

In random WTF news I had a strange dream last night. I was knitting a scarf (shocker!) when I looked up and noticed that my younger sister was using my hair dryer. I said "You know that hair dryer is evil, don't you?" and it promptly tried to attack her. WTF? I don't know. I love my hair dryer and don't think it's evil at all.

Have a great weekend!

WTF Thursday

A friend of mine turned me on to this little gem...



How about some apple juice!

Long Weekend and Workplace Culture

So how was everyone’s long weekend? Sleep late? Have fun? Drink margaritas? A friend of mine came to town and spent the night – it was fun. We drank too much wine and laughed a lot. Then we went shopping the next day and ate greasy cheeseburgers. Good times, good times.

And that about sums it up. Not much, huh? In the interest of keeping my posts longer than one paragraph I’m going to reflect for a moment. I recently listened to a book on tape called “Among the Mad.” It’s a mystery set in 1930’s England and I have really enjoyed the series. In the book, the heroine notes that people who work together often pick up and use the same turns of phrase. So true!

I’ve had the pleasure to work in several different settings and have found that certain phrases seem to stick around each organization. For instance, when I started at the last place I worked I remember hearing someone say “send me the electrons” and at first I was a little confused. Turns out they were not actually asking for some type of chemical procedure but to have the electronic copy of a document sent via email. I’ve never heard that phrase used anywhere else but at my last duty station it was very common.

It is common to use the term “kibosh” where I work now. Putting the kibosh on things is a relatively frequent occurrence and again, I’ve never heard the term used in another organization. I was speaking to an individual who works for another agency now but used to work for us and HE used the term kibosh as well! It’s a culture.

So, what’s your organization’s culture like? Use certain phrases a lot? Or not? Just me? Discuss!

Fuck You Friday Returns

Since I left my old job I haven’t done any Fuck You Fridays. Possibly it’s because I actually really like my new job? Well, I shouldn’t limit myself to the inanities of the workplace. Possibly it’s because nothing has pissed me off. No, that’s certainly not it. Lots of things have pissed me off including the bat-shit-crazy lady I sublet from for almost three months. Well, I guess I don’t have a good reason for slacking in my profanity but that won’t stop me from starting up again!

Fuck you woman in the self-check-out line behind me. Have you NO sense of personal space at all? Is your little container of cheap-ass ham SO desperately needed that you must stand so close to me your sleeve is brushing my ass? Are you SO pressed for time that you cannot spare ONE second to allow me to bag my items and leave the terminal before you scan your stupid container of processed ham? And yes, in response to your raised eyebrows, you totally deserved the “eat shit and die” look that I flung upon you. And you deserved the crop dusting I left for you as well. Go to hell.

Wow, that felt good! Have a great weekend!

(Not Quite) Wordless Wednesday

I picked this little dress up at TJ Maxx on a whim... Now I can't get her to take it off! She loves being a princess ballerina!

WTF Tuesday

I'm not sure if this is going to be a regular feature on my blog but I didn't have anything else to write about today so here goes...

Found at Once Upon A Win, a lovely video dating montage from the 1980's.



Yes, hard to believe these men are still single. All I've got to say is "Fire Breathing Dragons!" Enjoy.

Weekend Wrap Up... 1/11/10

Muffin and I had a pretty laid back weekend – how about you?

Friday night we ate “special dinners” (frozen entrees) and watched Aladdin together. It was awesome to see her reaction – it was the first time she had seen it! Of course now she wants to watch it REPEATEDLY! What is up with kids and watching the same thing over and over and over ad nauseum? Oh well, it kept her occupied while I did some more unpacking and cleaning Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon my cousin L and her son R picked us up for a play date at the mall. First both of the younguns received a haircut and poor little R did not like it one bit! As the lady was snipping Muffin’s hair we heard the wails of a very unhappy little one – turns out it was R. But, as most 16-month-olds, his mood quickly changed and he became quiet and happy once again.


After the haircuts we had lunch and then it was off to the indoor play area. I wish I had a video camera to record Muffin’s antics. She “balleted” her way all around and through the toys. She twirled, lept, performed several arabesques and generally made my heart want to burst out of my chest with love. Completely oblivious of anything but her dance. I managed to take a picture with my cameraphone – but as you can see it’s very blurry.



I’m going to pause a moment here to rant reflect on these indoor play areas at the mall. They are a FREAKING ZOO! Seriously – people completely disregard the height restrictions and send their monster children in to wreak havoc on all the tots! Muffin is just barely able to get away with playing in there and I saw a dozen older kids who should have been booted out. As if that weren’t enough – there is no law in the play area except the law of the jungle. It’s kill or be killed. There are a few parents who stay with their tiny ones but for the most part all the adults are too busy talking on cell phones or with their neighbor to monitor their children’s behavior! I saw a little boy flatten an 18-month-old right in front of his mom and she did NOTHING! He kept going and the little girl’s dad came over to pick her up and dust her off. I’m just glad Muffin is big enough to hold her own. I’d hate to go down for cutting a kid.

Whew! Anyway! After the mad house play date we went back to Cousin L’s house and while little R took a nap we watched the Lion King. It was a nice afternoon followed by a nice evening. When Muffin and I returned home I warmed up some tomato soup and we watched Beauty and the Beast. Good times, good times…

Yesterday I blew my entire monthly budgeted amount of “fun money” at Kohls. I don’t know if I love or hate that place – I am a sucker for their sales! 70% off of flannel sheet sets? AWESOME! I bought clothes for me, clothes for Muffin, clothes for the bed, a necklace and some slippers. I am insane. After my spending high we went home and Muffin “discovered” her Christmas gifts that somebody *coughmecough* had kept in the trunk of the car. What? I had no where to put the damn things! It was like Christmas all over again! She had a blast and I resumed my unpacking/cleaning. We had breakfast for dinner and Muffin VOLUNTEERED to go to bed early because “I know we are getting up early tomorrow and I don’t want to be too sleepy.” I love her. She is awesome.

Well, that’s my weekend in a rather wordy nutshell. I played more Dragon Age and made out with a video game character. Is that sad? Probably. Oh well, he has a cute accent – plus, if I play my cards right, I might get to be his Queen. Ah yeah.

Ironically, the song playing on my ipod right now is “Kiss” by Prince. Nice tie in… Adios!

Resolutions, revolutions, revelations

I’m not a big fan of resolutions – mostly because I have a hard time with the root word: resolve. I don’t have a whole bunch of resolve. Not in my personal life anyway. Another blogger mentioned that she wanted to call her New Year pledges revolutions. I can kind of get behind that root word – I have been known to revolt (and be revolting) from time to time. However, my personal betterment list isn’t very revolutionary this year. Last year? Now that’s a different story!

When I think of everything that happened in the past year I’m still amazed that I made it through. This time last year I was gearing up to get my house on the market and still had the fact that I was leaving a lucrative career in a fiscally challenging time on the horizon! I am very blessed to have had all the pieces fall into place. Not that it was always a bed of roses (crazy land lady anyone?) but everything turned out far better than I was expecting.

No, no revolutions this year. I’m going to focus on personal betterment and being a good mom to my rapidly growing little girl. I want to lose weight – but I’m not going back to WW. I need to change my lifestyle for good and when I go to WW I mentally picture it as a short term lifestyle that always finds me “off the wagon” and unhappy. So, I will forgo the opportunity to lose weight quickly and focus on leading a better lifestyle while setting a good example for Muffin. We’ve had way too many Kid’s Cuisines in the house and mama just got a new crock pot so it’s time to get cooking.

I also want to save money again. I dipped heavily into savings those months without employment and it got to be kind of a habit. If I wanted something – bam, I bought it. Not a very smart practice to get into. I’ve worked out a budget and I intend to stick to it by working in a little play money. I mean to go about it in the same manner as my eating habits – not to go to extremes but adjust my lifestyle.

In the short term I want to get my house unpacked and make it into a home. I’d love to get Muffin back in dance lessons – but time is tight and I’m not sure how to work them in. I would also like to cut back on the alcohol now that the holidays are over and stressful times are receding. Ideally, I’d like to find some kind of community work to do – but that will likely have to wait until after I finish unpacking.

So, this year is not about revolutions but revelations and slow but steady growth. I am excited with my new job and new home and I am looking forward to some good times ahead. I'm going to do posts related to my "resolve" on Saturday since those are usually slow days and the posts are sure to put people to sleep. I really need to get my "weekly update" post started again with pictures of Muffin and recap of our week but I'm taking this commitment thing one day/week at a time.

Grooving? Groovy!

Five day work weeks suck. When one has had two short weeks and some vacation time - the regular work week is torture! To top it off - we had a couple of inches of snow last night, my daughter's school is on a delay but we couldn't enjoy the extra two hours because my workplace was hardcore following the federal government which rarely closes for anything. grrr...

Isn’t it hard to get back in the groove? I know it must be especially hard for those of you that spent the entire holiday season in their pajamas. *cough* I’ve found it tough to readjust to five day work weeks and school work but at the same time I seem to have more energy.

In the days before Muffin the holiday season was usually followed by at least two weeks of listless idleness that most call the post-holiday-let-down. Since Muffin has been on the scene I have not experienced this feeling. Maybe it’s because she gives me a sense of purpose? Maybe it’s because I look forward to the beginning of the new year as an opportunity to get squared away and organized. After all, this blog was started two years ago (on 1/13 to be exact) expressly for the purpose of documenting my organization strategy for the old townhouse with the pink carpet.

I yearn for the day when everything I own is properly stored in the right spot. Now that task seems more daunting than ever – but I’m taking this opportunity to do a serious purge of my belongings. And Muffin’s too, though she isn’t quite aware of it. I have plenty of closet space and enough furniture to make this little condo work out and I’m bound and determined to have it spit-spot by Easter.

So that’s my motivational fuel to get me back in the groove. I’ve got another post coming up concerning resolutions and stuff but I don’t really consider unpacking my house and purging my crap a real resolution. Possibly because it’s attainable? :) For now it’s my motivator and in these freezing gray days one has to take what one gets.

Has anyone else found a way to beat the January blues?

Chivalry Is Dead

Yes, stick a fork in it because chivalry is done. Last night I pulled into my parking space a little before my neighbor and proceeded to pile my arms high with school accessories, artwork, a heavy jacket, my purse and lunch box while Muffin managed her pony toy and book bag. As I was struggling to keep everything from falling to the ground my neighbor pulled in and parked his shiny new Acura. He got out, looked at Muffin and I as we were making our way to the door. Then, he bounced up the steps, opened the door, went inside and shut the door in our faces.

I was stunned – it’s not that I expected any assistance but to shut the damn door as we were reaching the top step? Muffin and I went inside and down to our front door without any problems but I could not stop thinking about that asshole. I mean, I usually go out of my way to keep a door open – especially for old people, moms with strollers, kids and pretty much anyone who has their hands full. This guy looked right at us, got in front of us and then slammed the door on us! Who does that?

He may or may not find that his shiny new Acura has a nice big scratch down the side today. Just saying…

Wordy Wednesday: My unholy mess

I know some of you can sympathize with my plight. How the fuck did I wind up with so much STUFF! These first two pictures were taken the day after the movers crammed all these boxes into my new, much small than the last, home.

I love how blissfully unaware my daughter is. After all, the mess will be taken care of by Mama, right? Dammit.

Sadly, Muffin was forced to celebrate her sixth birthday among the boxes. Well, at least she made out like a bandit! Happy Birthday Muffin! Mama loves you despite the fact that you are living in a ginormous mess.

This weekend is supposed to be bitterly cold so I think I may actually finish up the main living rooms of the house and Muffin's room as well. After all, my room can remain a mess - but the Muffinator must have a peaceful retreat! Wait a minute... That doesn't sound right! :)

A Snowy Weekend - Muffin's POV

Mama and I went to stay with her Aunt D who I also call Aunt D and is very nice. She let me help make Christmas cookies - I got to roll the dough and then mash the cookie cutter in it. It was fun and I liked it.


While the cookies were baking I used my new art easel to draw a picture of a unicorn. Mama said it looked really good.





Mama helped me put icing on the cookies and I asked her if I could eat one. She let me eat two.

When the snow stopped Mama and Aunt D dressed up in warm clothes and tried to find the car. Mama said some bad words when she couldn't get the Uncle C's snow blower working. She said I wasn't allowed to say those words until I was 21. Aunt D's neighbor helped out and made a path to the bottom of the driveway.

Then Aunt D got out some snow toys and the little girls from next door came over to ride down the driveway. It wasn't very fast.

Then the neighbor girl brought over a sled. I liked that better and we took turns.

After that I got cold and Aunt D made me some hot cocoa. Then I watched a movie and decided to stay inside. Mama shoveled out the rest of the driveway and did it two more times after a big snow plow truck put more snow in the driveway. Then her car got stuck on Aunt D's fence and a man with a big truck had to come and drag her out. We had a nice visit with Aunt D and I hope we can go back again. Mama hopes next time we visit there is no snow.

Can't Find The Camera Cord...

So, here is something in the meantime.

I found the answer to my prayers - Mr. Steamy!

And no, I'm not talking about David Boreanaz or Henry Cavill - I'm talking about a crazy advertisement I saw on tv that will literally cut my ironing out altogether.

You know how I 'fessed up to doing the old "throw the clothes in the dryer" version of ironing? Well, Mr. Steamy totally justifies this action! Observe!

And this releases all the wrinkles from your garments! Miracle of miracles!! Let me tell you - as soon as I see this at CVS or Walgreens, it's totally mine. Finally! A little respect for lazy bums like me! Yay Mr. Steamy!

Pray for me and hope that I find that blasted camera cord or it's more of the same all week. :)