Friday, September 23, 2011


Social Networking enables me to fragment.

I know and adore several folks who are consistently true to themselves across all social networking mediums - but I am not one of them.

I need my mask. It's the only way I feel remotely comfortable expressing any genuine thoughts.

I need to know that I won't show up at work or at a family gathering with a giant EXCLAMATION POINT hovering over my head.

I want to express how I feel and not be held accountable for it. I am a coward.

I feel comfortable declaring my geeky love for books and movies, but not about social or political actions. I have opinions, and I keep them to myself - because above and beyond all else - I am non-confrontational. And my views could possibly be taken as the first sally in an argument that I never intended nor wanted in the first place.

I retreat here, where I can count on one hand the number of folks who know my real name.

I want to be a better person - if only to be a good role-model for my daughter - but I'll settle for owning the fact that I can't be "everybody's everything," read to her every night, and hope for the best.

Muffin's a smart girl - got a 100 on her very first spelling test today! She'll figure it out better than I ever could and I'll support her every step of the way.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Say It Isn't So!!

Some of you may remember a post I did called "What The Hell Happened To Hal Sparks" way back in 2008. It happens to be my most read post - and I'm pretty sure it has everything to do with the fact that a celebrity's name is in the title. I have also received the widest variety of comments from that single post - spanning nearly 18 months! Wow, make a comment about someone's personal style and everyone has something to say...

Then, I saw this on Lamebook yesterday. My long time VH1 "I Love The 80's" commentator received a scathing personal review from a formerly starry eyed fan.

(click here or the picture for the link)

I'm not sure this chick deserves my sympathy. After all, she freely admitted that she spent the night with him because he was a celebrity. His cheating on a girlfriend is really not her business. Making a public announcement about his alleged lack of mad bed skillz just sounds like sour grapes to me.

So, I choose to believe that she's just bitter about not getting a morning after phone call. That way, I can still keep Hal on his pedestal. Because it's all about me. Me, me, me!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Franklin Mott = Epic Batshit Crazy Win

This is why True Blood Season 3 rocks my socks:

Best. Scene. Ever!

Who wants more Franklin? I do! I do!!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Yeah, Just Checking In

I have been the most random poster of late and in the spirit of randomness I present a lolcat. One that I feel perfectly represents moi in an advanced state of inebriation. Voila!

I am the classic "I love you, man" drunk. Oh, and remind me to tell you about the "touch my butt" evening of drinking - that was a classic.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

An Evening at the Pool

It took me over a month, but I finally got around to having my recreation access pass made for the complex we live in. Since then, we’ve been going to the pool at every possible opportunity – it’s a great pool! It’s huge! Even on a busy day there is plenty of room for all the kids to mess about without running in to each other. My favorite part is that in the late afternoon (my favorite time to go) nearly half of the sitting area is shaded. Sweet.

So Muffin and I hurried home yesterday (did I mention we have HOV privileges now?) and were able to scramble into our suits in time to spend an hour or so up at the pool before dinner and bed. Here are a few observations from that short amount of time:

1. Late afternoon pool time on a weekday ROCKS! There is barely anyone there and all the good seats are open. Yes! (insert fist pump)

2. Since there were relatively few people to see, late afternoon on a week day was the prime time for me to show off my mad diving skillz in the diving well.

3. OM-Fing-G OUCH!

4. Apparently I’ve grown several chest sizes since my last trip off a diving board. Can we say Boob Flop? I tried several times and each dive off the board resulted in me smacking into the water in a most uncomfortable way. Either I need to relearn how to dive or tuck these puppies away somewhere safe next time.

5. Little boys have no fear. A couple of Muffin’s kindergarten classmates decided to join in the pain joy of the diving board and I suffered for them. They would literally just RUN off the end of the board and either land on their side or back with a loud SPLAT. Then, they’d pop right back up and do it all over again. At every splat the moms would all wince and look anxiously to see if the little fellow was dead or maimed. Nope. Just a little red on one side. Bless their little hearts.

6. One of my neighbors has the uncanny ability to sound exactly like a water buffalo in heat. Seriously, this guy was making obscene honking/snorting noises that sounded like large farts from a hippo’s ass. These noises may or may not have been intended to clear chlorinated water from his sinuses but really only succeeded in earning him lots of the “eww do that somewhere else” looks from all of us normal people.

7. A full day of swim camp + an evening at our pool = one tuckered out little Muffin. The child was drooping and dragging her feet all the way home. The only thing that elicited a somewhat excited response was dinner. After that she begged to go to bed. Muahh ha ha ha – now I know the secret!

And that’s all folks – one hour of observation from the pool of Chez Bebop. Stay tuned for pictures of my budding diva sporting a plethora of bathing suits and hot pink goggles.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Crafty Tues - er, Wednesday!

A few months ago I was walking with a co-worker at lunch and the subject of knitting came up. I mentioned that I had made a few things and she said that she had bought a book and wanted to learn. One thing led to another and I wound up giving her a tiny lesson in my office a few weeks later. She and I made a little bookmark (one of my very first projects) and we were both pleased. I had put knitting to the side since Christmas but working on the bookmark reminded me of how fun it was and I vowed to pick it back up again.

Sadly, knitting is not an activity that I associate with lounging by the pool and since that is what I plan to do all summer, I wasn’t sure how I was going to work in my craftiness. Then, yesterday, my co-worker told me that another woman on her floor also knits and that she wanted us all to get together at lunch a few times a week and work on projects. All you crafters will agree, there is nothing more awesome than talking shop with a fellow enthusiast. We gushed about our stash, showed off a couple of WIPs and made a date for today to get together. Our first mission is to make dishcloths to send to the gulf and help clean the marine critters. Co-worker #2 had heard of this charity at her local yarn store and since dishcloths are simple and quick we thought it would be a fun thing to do.

Plus, I’m PMSing and the thought of oil drenched marine critters is making me want to cry right now. TMI?

So, it’s not exactly Tuesday – but it’s a crafty day anyway. Also, Muffin picked out some pretty pink and purple yarn that I’m going to make into a dishcloth with a heart for her. Then she can use it to clean her bathroom sink (since her toothpaste is pink it shouldn’t matter) and everybody will be happy! Ok, I’ll be happy – but hey, I’m the one who counts!

If anyone is interested in the oil spill clean-up charity here is the link – submissions are due by the end of August and aren’t limited to knitted cloths. Any type of hand crafted small towel is welcome. Save the dolphins! *sob* And have fun while you’re at it!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sassy Pants - How do you remove them?

I'm in dire need of assistance here, fair readers. How do I put the kibosh on sass backs? They seem to have developed overnight - not unlike that ugly mushroom outside my front door. One day I had a perfectly lovely little six-year-old. The next, I have a sassy little drama queen. Ok, to be fair, the drama was always part of the equation - but the sassy was not.

I developed whip-lash neck this weekend after hearing sass after sass after sass. An example:

In response to a snack confirmation request she said "Mom, I totally did not say that," complete with eyeroll and hair toss. What the hell? When did she learn to insert "totally" into a sentence to lend it validity? Also, yes you did, Muffin. You totally DID say that and now, because of your sass, I'm holding you to it as opposed to a snack change. Goldfish it is - it's your own sassy fault that you forgot about the My Little Pony gummy treats.

I know that the recent sass-plosion can not be due to her television choices because I'm pretty sure that Dora would get her ass handed to her if she decided to sass her abuela. Muffin did, however, start summer camp at the YMCA last week - so the change in companions is a reasonable explanation. Who knew that the Alexandria VA children would be so disrespectful! Still, I'm not giving up my HOV privileges on account of her new attitude - we can fix the attitude (I hope), HOV is priceless.

So, aside from scolding and stuff - how do you liberate a little girl from sass? Any advice? I thought about the punishment I would have received if I had even thought about talking back to my parents - but I'm pretty sure that I don't want CPS involved. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next ten years? Say it isn't so!