F-U Friday

As an homage to MOFM, I'm sending a few Friday "F-U" shout outs:

Fuck You insincere bitch at the retirement ceremony. Fuck your fake smile and your fake well wishes. We all know you only came for the food. Loser. Take your damn cake and lumpia back to your office so we don't have to put up with your bullshit any longer.

Fuck You long-winded program manager trying to cheat the system. We get that you're over worked but that doesn't excuse your blatant attempt to hire family members through the back door or your 30 minute long apologies and explanations. Try playing by the rules for once and get back to work!

Fuck You IT department! You can not blame the fact that you neglected to perform regular inventories on me or my department. Grow a set of balls and stop throwing other people under the bus! Oh yeah - and go inventory your shit.

Fuck You boss lady. Fuck your tirades and bad attitudes when shit doesn't go your way. Fuck You for not knowing what is going on in your department. Fuck You for ALWAYS taking Friday off (ok, maybe I'm just jealous there) and Fuck You for getting pissy with us after you have dropped the ball. We are not mind readers. Stop fucking around and do your job.

Lastly, Fuck You paint in my hair.

Whew. I feel better!

Arrgghh.

Guess who just discovered that there is still paint in her hair?

Can't a girl catch a break!

I'm going to obsess over it all day.

Explicatives

Ok, I know that I am obliged to curb my natural tendency to "curse out " whatever has annoyed me for the sake of my young child...

HOWEVER...

I'm sure you will all agree that there are times where a stream of creative expletives is immanently satisfying.

Case and point: The downstairs "guest" bath. While I was painting I happened to bump up against the wall I had just finished and utter the phrase:

GOD DAMNED MUTHER FUCKING PIECE OF BITCH SUCKING MONKEY SHIT!

And was immediately appalled.

After all, I do profess to host a safe haven for young children (read: Dude, I totally try not to curse a blue streak with a five-year-old around!!)

Yet, I felt both gratified and satisfied by my outburst. I can only conclude that haphazard bursts of explicative remarks serve to boost the overall appeal of self-assigned tasks.

Right. That being said... Can anyone else come up with a more gratifying phrase than the one I uttered tonight? I'd be glad of some variety. Thanks in advance!

Wheel Of Fortune

I found this little quiz over at Mommybytes and you know how I love a good quiz... Stacie, I hope you do this one too! :)

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

(Is anyone suddenly reminded of Vanna White and Pat Sajak? Or is that just me...)

First Ever Giveaway!

Ok, remember that post where I advocated the spending of tax refunds on personal pleasure? Well, sadly, most of the commenters responded by saying that they did not expect to receive a tax refund or if they were going to receive one that it would be small and needed for other things.

Not. Fair.

So, in response I am going to give away a $30 gift card to Kohl's for the lucky commenter to spend on themselves. AND ONLY THEMSELVES! I would have chosen Target or Walmart but it's far too easy to justify spending a gift card on something practical in those stores. Plus, I figure it's easy for a man or a woman to find something at Kohl's. They have everything!The only rule is that you must buy something fun or frivolous for yourself. I know for a fact that it is in the nature of mature adults to put others first but I steadfastly urge you to ignore this feeling. If only for one little shopping trip.

All you have to do is leave a comment! I will close the contest one week from today on 3 March 2009. That evening I will write out the commenter's names on pieces of paper and let Muffin do the honors.

Enter as often as you like! Good luck!

Worn Out & Pissed Off

I know I haven't been a frequent flyer in these parts for a while. I wish I could say that I was off doing something fun and care-free but that's about as far from the truth as I could imagine. However, the good news is that after next weekend the house should officially be ready to put on the market. God willing and the creek don't rise.

This weekend I allowed Muffin to visit her dad. He called, missing her, and asked if it was ok for her to come for a visit as long as she stayed at his mom's house. Muffin loves her Grandma W. so I consented. After all, I should be grateful that Jackass even wants to be in her life, right? The unspoken, yet very present part of the conversation was that Muffin's step-mom would not be in the picture what-so-ever. That's the point of her not staying at his house, after all. SO I THOUGHT! But, I'm getting ahead of myself...

Though I knew I would miss my little sidekick I felt it was a great opportunity to clean out her room and paint it. Which I did. Along with the guest room and the upstairs hallway. I spent two whole days scraping, patching, priming and painting and somewhere in the midst of all that fun I managed to get my roots done. Score!

Last night I called my baby's daddy to confirm our pick-up time for today and Muffin explained that his wife - the one that's not supposed to be around my daughter - had given her some toys and blah, blah, blah. Naturally, when Jackass got on the phone I asked what the deal was! He said that the "deal" was that Muffin would stay at his mom's and that he didn't say anything about his wife not being around.

"Oh, but it was implied" I explained and went further by stating "I feel like I was deliberately misled."

To which his only response was "Uh, so are we meeting at 4:30 tomorrow?"

It. Is. On. I have nothing clever or nasty to say to him. In fact, after tomorrow I don't intend to communicate with him at all. As far as I'm concerned he can talk to my lawyer.

So, I greet this Monday morning with aching muscles and fire in my belly. I can only hope the rest of the week improves.

Oh, oh OH! And when I met him Friday evening do you know what he said? "Guess what, it turns out you can only claim two children on your taxes and expect to get any money back. So, I guess I won't need to claim Muffin after all." Afterall, he has two children with bitch-wife.

Really? Cause, I wouldn't have let you anyway. (That's almost what I said - but I confined my retort to the price of new carpet and implied that he wouldn't have seen a dime regardless of his intention). Jackass.

Lost Recap and Lols

This week on Lost...

Jack wakes up and he's BACK ON THE ISLAND!!! You get the sense that he's pretty much ok with how this turned out. After saving Hurley and Kate we are treated to a flashback.

Desmond, Sun, Jack and Ben follow the crazy white-haired lady into the Lamp Post which is apparently a secret laboratory designed to find the time-hopping island.

Yeah Jack, I was confused too - but don't worry! All it means is that you'll be going back to the island and that's what you want right? Know what would make that trip perfect?

KATE! She is suddenly sans Aaron and requests (not very politely) that Jack never bring the little fellow up. Ever. He's all "Dude, I'm gonna get laid? I'll do whatever you ask!"

The next morning he receives a call from Ben who "had to complete a little errand" which scares the pants off of me because I'm really concerned for the health of Penny and little Charlie. I mean, Ben looks pretty beat up so maybe his little murder plan went horribly wrong. One can hope.

Next up - it's Flight 815 316 and off to the island! We discover that not only are Sun and Kate on board, but so are Hurley and Sayid! Oh yeah, and Locke. With Jack's dead father's shoes on. The gangs all here!

Jack has a hard time keeping the smile off of his face, but everyone else seems pretty bummed. Ben makes a last minute appearance looking a little worse for wear. This guy is determined to get back to the island no matter what!

Also on board are two strangers that the show went out of their way to point out to us: the guy who offered Jack condolences for his friend and the marshal that is escorting Sayid. I have a feeling they'll pop up again... Not unlike our pilot buddy Frank! Hey Frank, grow back the beard. It makes you look more distinguished.

We wrap up back on the island with Jack, Kate and Hurley discussing a search through the jungle for their fellow castaways when who should appear? Jin! Jin with some crazy looking hair! What's going on? Are they in the past? Are they in the future? More importantly - where is Sawyer!!?!?!!?!? Guess we'll have to wait and see!

Lucky Girl

That's me! And I'm not even trying to be sarcastic. Reality Therapist left a comment yesterday that reminded me how lucky I am to have parents who are so loving and helpful. They worked their tails off last weekend on my behalf - helping me get the town home ready to put on the market.

Dad did lots of miscellaneous little chores that I would have probably just let slide in the hopes that they would be ignored. He painted the trim around the front door, replaced a faulty fluorescent light over the kitchen sink and patched the multitude of cracks and holes in the crappy drywall used to construct my home. He was also in charge of "trimming out" the rooms that Mom and I painted - and we all know what a pain the ass job that is!

Mom is the champion painter and she is absolutely tireless. She pretty much single-handedly painted the living and dining room walls. In addition - she prepared easy-to-put-together meals ahead of time at her house to bring up to my house since she knew how worn out we would be. We ate like kings and slept like the dead.

What was I doing during all of this activity? Well, I made a couple of trips to Lowes for paint and other necessary items (I was funding the operation) and I helped to paint the ceilings. I also trimmed the area where the ceiling meets the wall. I was assured that my lack of skill wouldn't matter much since we were painting the walls next and Dad could touch up my boo-boos.

Where was Muffin? She was at school on one day and in my room with Strawberry Shortcake the next. She was a real trooper and I was proud of how well she minded her manners.

All-in-all I count myself very lucky. Very lucky and very blessed. I sincerely appreciate how my family worked together to get a large part of the painting and fixing up done around the house. I can't imagine trying to get it all done without them. Thank you Mom and Dad! Thank you so much!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Pooped!

Picture of my dad taking a break between bouts of painting, caulking and generally working his tail off. We were all exhausted after a weekend of hard labor but I'm excited to see the end results. Nothing like a new coat of paint to make your home seem larger, cleaner and brighter!

Happy V-Day

My friend Deb sent me this as a Valentine's Card:

Yep, that sums up V-day for me! :) Hope you sweethearts have a lovely time!

More Friday Housework

This time I took leave - yesterday and today as a matter of fact. My parents came up to help me do the bulk of interior painting and we're about to tackle the upstairs. I'm looking forward to getting the majority of this mess over with - but that means I won't be "around" for a few days.

However! I will have pictures when we are through! So, if I don't have a chance to come and comment in the next few days - now you know why. Have a great weekend!

Spend That Refund!

I usually look forward to doing my taxes! I know, I'm sick in the head - but as a single parent I can usually expect a little something back each year so tax season doesn't freak me out anymore.

This year most of my tax refund will be going to go towards new carpet but in years gone by I would normally take my tax refund and do a little shopping. For me.

Ok all you moms out there - how hard is it to buy something for yourself? Honestly! I will pick up a new pair of pants or a cute shirt and them put them back because Muffin could really use another top for school or it's time to invest in her footwear again. Am I alone? I think not!

So, I think we should band together and use our tax refund to buy something for ourselves. (ahem, after I buy new carpet for the house that is) Are you with me? What are you going to splurge on? I'm thinking a new pair of shoes or maybe even *gasp* new underwear!

I'll tell you what I won't be doing with my refund - sharing with baby's daddy. Sorry pal, it seems I've learned how to say "no" after all. Besides, the economy needs me to go forth and make large purchases. Gotta spend for the sake of my country - right? Right!

Wordle

I totally copied this idea from Kristi at There's More To Life Than Laundry...



As you can imagine - the largest content refers to Muffin, but I was surprised at some of the other words. Also pleased to find "sucky-ness" is in there. Hee hee!

Words And Pictures Wednesday

Sunday was incredibly warm - got up into the 70's! Feeling like Supermom (and needing a break from the stupid bathroom renovation), I decided to take Muffin to the park. Apparently so did every other parent in Hampton Roads...

Anyway, I thought this picture pretty much summed up our feelings about the sunny day.

Ahhh, warmth. We missed you. Welcome back!

Crafty Tuesday - Quick Fancy Scarf

Muffin consented to model a fancy little scarf that I whipped out over one weekend. I like using the "nubby yarn" and large needles because it goes really fast. And let's face it, a quick project is a satisfying project. :) Now I'm working on a few more dishcloths for Spring and another fancy scarf for a friend's birthday.

I still haven't finished the baby afghan yet. I've been saving it for Muffin's dance lessons as something to pass the time. Hopefully I'll finish it up before the baby that's due in June! :)

Home Improvement HELL

I stripped wallpaper this weekend and it sucked ass. What sucked even more was how completely unprepared I was for the absolute sucky-ness of the ass sucking experience. (take THAT google!)

When I moved into this town home five years ago it was almost entirely wallpapered. The person who picked out the floor/wall decor during construction was clearly into country prints and the color pink. Never before had I seen a hunting duck wallpaper print in pink - but there it was. In my living room.

My sister was living with me in those days and she helped me strip the wallpaper from every room in the house - except my bath. I told her I'd do that one myself. Naturally I procrastinated and procrastinated because taking down wallpaper is not my favorite past time. Besides, I thought I'd be able to knock it out any old time - after all, the rest of the house came down pretty easy! Huge sheets of wallpaper at a time! Why would I think that my bath would be different? Well, it was. Painfully different.

The assholes who threw these town homes together basically stuck wallpaper to the drywall and went about their business. For some reason, in my bath, they decided to use concrete to adhere the wallpaper to the drywall. I spent all of Friday scraping tiny little bits off at a time and cursing the builders up one side and back down the other.

It's not as if I were completely unequipped for the job! I had the paper tiger and the wallpaper remover spray as well as a putty knife to get under the edge of the wallpaper. However, nothing I tried gave me any kind of headway. It was so incredibly frustrating that I gave up around 10pm and had a little cry.

Saturday morning I woke up eager to find a solution to my wallpaper dilemma and googled "stubborn wallpaper removal" for answers. There were many suggestions from fabric softener to scrubbing bubbles. I tried a mix of fabric softener on the walls and that didn't work. Next I broke out my Rowenta iron and tried steaming a small part. It worked a little, but I couldn't see myself pumping the "steam" button on my iron for the rest of the day.

So, I googled "rent wallpaper steamer" but the rental costs for one day were as much as buying a steamer outright! Feeling ambitious, I grabbed Muffin and hoped over to Lowe's to buy one for myself. It was hot, sweaty work but that steamer took down not only the wallpaper but all the gunky glue as well! Best $50 I have spent in a long while.

Let me put this in perspective - on Friday I went through all four discs of the LOTR Fellowship of The Ring and Two Towers Extended DVD editions while attempting to take down wallpaper - with minimal results. On Saturday I finished taking down the wallpaper during the first disc of Return Of The King. (Hey - I like background noise while I labor! Besides, the Lord Of The Rings trilogy is sufficiently long enough to get me through most projects.) All Praise The Steamer!

Now it looks as though I've decorated my bathroom in "Post Cold War Russia" chic complete with holes in the drywall. I've moved in Muffin's bathroom for the duration of this horrific project. Here's hoping for smooth sailing from now on! (yeah, right.)

Sunday Scrapbook 2/8/09

Right, last Sunday was neglected in favor of funny Superbowl Ads so I have a couple of weeks to make up but not that many pictures to show for it, actually.

Here Muffin is modeling a scarf that I whipped out last weekend. It's nice to be able to finish a project quickly and see the fruits of one's labor. I'll post another picture of this scarf later but I love the mischievous look in her eyes below:

We watched Aristocats during the Super Bowl. What can I say? We're not football fans! Louis decided to give Muffin a little kiss and I thought it was precious.

Later that week I made a batch of Taco Soup! Mmmm, I love Taco Soup - however, Muffin thought it was a bit too spicy. She kept covering her mouth and saying "SPICY!" Is it wrong that I laughed? There is a special place in Mom Hell just for me, I'm sure.

I know I've mentioned it before, but my cats are entering their dotage. The poor creatures rarely move these days but found enough strength to make it over to a patch of sunlight on one rare sunny day.

Every day after school Muffin plays in her room for one hour while I do chores and get dinner ready. I absolutely LOVE hearing her pretend and play but seldom get a chance to photograph it.

Below she has built a bridge out of Color Wonder Markers from a Weeble castle to a toy vet kit. Her pony Snowflake is at the top of the castle and about to make her way across the bridge. I'm really going to have to record these "pretend" sessions - they are both fascinating and hilarious! (Oh yeah, please don't mind the mess!)

Finally, some pictures of Muffin twirling before ballet class. She loves her dance class and takes it very seriously. One of these days I'm going to photograph her demonstrating each "position" because the look on her face is priceless! My sweet ballerina girl.

And that pretty much wraps up this week's (and last week's) edition! I'm glad that I've committed to do this because it really makes me look for opportunities to take pictures and chronicle our life. Such as it is. I'm sure that I'll look back on this in later years and smile. Have a great week!

Saturday Lost Wrap Up and Lols

This week on Lost...

Kate and Sun team up. Sun offers to watch Aaron while Kate tries to discover the identity of the person who wants to take Aaron away. Meanwhile, Sun is delivered a box of chocolates with a surprise inside - a gun! Also included where some pictures of our favorite bad boy - Ben.


At the hospital, Sayid is attacked again and the culprit has an address for Kate! Jack phones her up and they agree to meet. Turns out she is stalking the lawyer dude in the hopes of tracking down the person behind the blood tests. They follow him to a hotel and find Claire's Mom! But, she's not after Aaron - she just wants her money from Oceanic.


While Jack and Kate are trying to figure out who the lawyer is working for - the lawyer has a meeting with Ben! He tells Ben that it shouldn't be too hard to spring Hurley while Sayid looks on impassively. Then everybody meets down at the pier where Kate gets all huffy and self righteous and Ben tries to explain what they need to do. Sun, leaving Aaron in the backseat of her car, decides to break up the little party with a good old fashioned murder. She's out for Ben's blood!

Meanwhile, back on the island... The castaways wander around during various time flashes while trying to get back to the Orchid Station. Sawyer comes across Kate during one of the time flashes and it totally ruins his day. After they finally make it to the beach they discover that it's been trashed and the culprits apparently left a canoe. So, they hop on board and make their way around the island.

When they get SHOT AT! During the shoot out another time flash happens which leaves the castaways in a torrential downpour. Making their way to the shore they discover some wreckage of French origin. Anyone know where this is going?

That's right! It's Rousseau's ship and guess what else the French survivors bring ashore? JIN! I'm surprised at how happy I was to see Jin - I guess I'm more connected to his character than I thought. Well, all of the castaways are experiencing nose bleeds now but Charlotte turned out ok so maybe it's not as horrific as it seems. One can only hope.

Next week Ben tells Sun that Jin is alive and (I assume) the Oceanic Six spring Hurley in time to make that 70 hour deadline the white haired lady was telling Ben about in the first episode. I'm also thinking that Des and Penny will show up since they're heading in the direction of LA on the hunt for Daniel's mom. I can't wait to see what happens!

Hookie

I called in sick today. I know, it's shameful isn't it? I'm a grown woman and should be beyond this kind of behavior but I guess I'm not.

The fact is - I've got a crap ton of stuff to do around the house in order to get it on the market next month! As many of you know, trying to do things like paint, strip wallpaper, polish hardware and refinish cabinets is not exactly easy to do with a small child underfoot.

I mean, I could put a movie on upstairs but that will only hold her interest for a little while before she would come to investigate her Mama. Frankly, it's hard enough to get me going so once I'm in action it's best not to have any distractions around that may call a halt to hard work.

Why didn't I use any leave days? Simple. If I'm not going to be having a good time, I'm not using my leave days. How selfish is that?!? Besides, I want to have plenty of leave saved up so that I can resign a couple of months early and still get a paycheck. Once again - quite selfish, but I own it.

So here I am, in grubby clothes, playing hookie so I can get some work done. Experiencing some guilt, but confident that feeling won't last very long. Hope you guys have a better Friday than me - and a great weekend too!

Tron v/s Depeche Mode

As I have admitted many times before, I am a HUGE fan of 80's new wave/alternative music. I saw this youtube video over at i09 and fell in love. A love match of Depeche Mode and Tron - two of my favorite things from the 80's. In a word - awesome.

Words and Pictures Wednesday

Because I just can leave the pictures without words!!! Must TYPE!!

*ahem*

Say you get up around 5:30am on Saturday and, after brewing a fine cup of joe, stagger into the living room to see what infomercials are on TV when you see this:

What would you think? I'll tell you what I thought - SPIDER!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned my very deep and abiding hatred for all things arachnid, but suffice it to say I jumped clear out of my slippers and splashed my perfect cup of coffee everywhere.

Only to discover that it was not in fact a spider but a tiny little dinosaur that had been left out by my soon to be endangered precious child.

Three guesses as to who got coffee clean-up duty. Rhymes with "puffin."

Key Words

I'm jumping on the band wagon and posting about searches that have found my blog. I've been keeping track for a couple of months but some show up pretty consistently. Namely "Hal Sparks" and "Lost Toys."

Then there is the entire section dedicated to things getting stuck in the ass. GEEZ!

From my post about Hal Sparks:

• Hal Sparks
• Hal Sparks Haircut
• Gay Makeout
• blogger.com: the guys next door (?)

From my post about the Tudors:

• Henry Cavill
• Rhys Meyers

From my many, many posts about Lost:

• Lost Toys
• Sawyer Lost Abs
• Sawyer Lost Season 5 Abs

From my post about the piriformis injection: (some are quite dirrrty)

• Ass Leg
• googled in the ass
• Just my ass please
• sadistic needle
• ass needle

From my Post about Star Wars:

• Star Wars Lols
• Leia Bikini

From my post about Muffin's attack of the Croup last year:

• croup flovent albuterol
• Croup Rag
• Delsym Dreaming

Completely Random:

• quiz leading lady
• mickey rourke scary
• Puzzle Princess
• Cute Quotations
• What's in your mascara
• What is capcha

Brought to by the letter...

I'm going to play along with something I saw over at Stacie's Blog - it's called "Brought to you by the letter..." game.

Here’s how it works...

You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

Stacie assigned me the letter "C" and says she can't wait to "c" what I come up with. hee hee...

1. Cats - I have two and I love them dearly. They have their own little quirks and sometimes tempt me to skin them alive, but on the whole they have been my best friends for nearly 15 years.

2. Camera - Love, love, love my camera. I especially like being behind the lens, that way I avoid those troublesome shots that always make my ass look the size of a football field. Yes, me and my butt are better off taking the pictures.

3. Change - and I don't mean the loose kind. No, I like to keep things fluid and switch things up every now and then. It's one of the main reasons I joined the military - you can be assured that you will never get bored in the military! Change is good and it keeps me from stagnating.

4. Challenge - And by this I mean "intellectual" not "physical." For almost for the same reasons as I like change - I don't like to be bored and I love to learn. I especially like it when I complete a challenging task, it makes me feel quite satisfied. Not that it happens very often...

5. C-cups - I only had them when I was preggers but I loved the size of my ta-tas then! Sadly, they went away after I quit breast feeding and now, well... let's not dwell on what remains.

6. Cheese - Mmm, I love cheese. Especially the Tillamook Extra Sharp Cheddar that I haven't been able to find since I left WA. However, I'm making do with Cabot.

7. Comfort - As in Comfort Food, Comfort Clothing, Comfortable Shoes, etc... Nothing beats eating homemade mac&cheese, in sweats, wearing slippers. Does it? No, I didn't think so.

8. Color - I love bright colorful things (you should see the rugs I brought back from the Middle East) almost as much as I love coloring my hair. As I'm nearly 100% gray I consider myself a blank slate. Each year it's something a little different. Right now I'm going with a chestnut brown but come summer time... break out the highlights!

9. Classics - Classical literature, classic movies, etc... I love a good story that relies more on dialog and character development rather than special effects. Give me Jane Austen and Alfred Hitchcock any day of the week!

10. Christmas! My favorite time of the year. It's about the only time I get to see my whole family at once and we have a great time together. I love the Christmas spirit, buying/making gifts, baking cookies, basking in the glow of the Christmas Tree, watching my daughter's face light up when she opens her gifts... It's magical.

So, if you feel like playing the game (or, if you're having writers block and need something to blog about) drop me a comment and I'll assign YOU a letter. It's fun!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

While you are all watching football and eating tons of game goodies I'm going to be stripping wallpaper. Joy.

Oh, and I might make it by the local yarn store because they're having a big Super Bowl Sale. You know, nothing says "football" like knitting.

Enjoy the half time show and the commercials! Here is one of my all time favorites:



And who could forget this one?



Yeah. So, top that Super Bowl XLIII! HA!