Monday, June 29, 2009

Working Weekend

On Saturday I got up bright and early to go get a Uhaul van and load up the stuff that the packers/movers left behind - as well as the cats and their cat-habitat. Loading the van took a little longer than I anticipated but it was mostly due to insecurity over my packing procedure. I felt certain something would be destroyed in the process, but everything turned out ok when I got to my friend's house in Suffolk. I started thinking that maybe a husband would be handy for this type of thing.

So I unloaded all the stuff, set up the cats in their cat-habitat again and set off to return the van. Did I mention that I hated driving that van? It was WAY too responsive on the road and I felt like every twitch of my fingers would send me careening in to a neighboring vehicle. Whew - not fun for a 45 minute drive. Each way.

When I returned to the old house I had to touch-up the paint, clean the floors and get together all of the items for my "bulky trash" pick-up. I gave myself about two hours and it ended up being more like three hours. All the while I was thinking: Yep, a husband would have been pretty darn handy. Curse my single status! By the time I made it back to my friend's house I was POOPED! I poured myself a couple of drinks, watched a few mysteries and went to bed.

Sunday morning I got up early, once again, to mow the yard. It was out of control. I don't know how grass can grow that high with no rain. Seriously! Her yard is huge and it took me nearly two hours to complete the task. I'm going to have to devise some sort of mowing plan and divide that space up! OR - find some unsuspecting fellow to mow it for me. Hmmm... Afterwards I cooled off in the A/C and watched Along Came A Spider on Showtime (my friend has Showtime! Sweet!).

Next, I set to work on organizing and putting away all the crap I had loaded into her living room from the Uhaul van. This involved way too many trips upstairs for my taste. By the end I was sweaty all over again and a little put out. How have I accumulated all this crap! And why don't I have some man to do all this work for me! I rested a few minutes then took a shower and got ready to pick up Muffin.

I never really told Muffin about the changes that would be happening - just kept things vague and pumped up the YMCA swimming pool aspect. She seemed to take things in stride and I'm grateful. We had Burger King for dinner, watched Nature on PBS and went to bed.

This morning we got up at 5am (like certain other bloggers out there) and made the long commute back to Norfolk so I could get the damn TB test read at medical. Then I had the pleasure of checking out with the Chief of Staff. The man talked more about himself than anything else. Every sentence started with "I" and it felt like an infomercial. Whatever. I smiled, nodded and left.

At 12:30 I went to another household goods brief and then over to Personnel Support to turn in my Separation paperwork. I'm almost done with my second-to-last day. I've done WAY more in the last three days than I usually do in three weeks! I'm really looking forward to the long weekend. I'm going to sleep in, go to the pool, cook some hotdogs and chill out. Can't wait to hear about everyone else's 4th of July plans!! Ice cream? Fireworks? Drunken spectacles?

Oh - and can anyone tell me what happened to MOFM? You can email me if you don't want to post a comment. I miss her!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

More Lols for Lil Sis

This time - the MOVIE edition!! We have some Harry Potter...

We have some LOTR...

And we have my personal favorite - because it combines two of my favorite movies of all time. Star Wars and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Freaking. Awesome.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Planning Ahead

Today I received my separation physical which also involved an HIV test and a PPD test. Because the military wants to make sure that you didn't get AIDS or TB on their watch. I usually have trouble with getting blood drawn, but this morning I did pretty ok. (That is, if you don't count the fact that I was nearly doubled over in fright and hyperventilating. I hate needles.)

This afternoon I will get to experience something that many fellow Hampton Roads Residents put up with every day. Friday Afternoon Tunnel Traffic. Specifically the Downtown Tunnel (as opposed to the Midtown tunnel or the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel or the Monitor Merrimack tunnel. We have lots.) which leads the house Muffin and I will be staying at for the next couple of months. Surprisingly, I'm not that excited about it. Go figure.

So, in an effort to put aside potentially traumatic memories I decided to do a little planning for my Summer Of Fun with Muffin! I am really excited to spend so much time with her. I've already signed her up for two weeks of Swim Lessons and I signed myself up for this:

Which means that Muffin and I will be making a visit to this place:

And I can't wait to surprise her with that! Oh - speaking of surprises, I'm planning a trip up to Chincoteague Island for some wild pony viewing! Knowing Muffin's love of ponies I'm sure she'll flip her lid. With all the other activities this trip might have to wait until August. But that will simply give us something to look forward to.

As far as our day-to-day life together... I plan to take full advantage of our YMCA membership and work off some of this (*cough* 10 pounds *cough*) weight that I have gained due to a shitty work environment stress levels, fast food and too much vodka. Well, that's the idea anyway!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Going Bananas

I know that it's been a while since I posted or was able to comment on anyone's blog. Sorry! I promise to be a better blog friend once I'm on leave and able to breathe (hey - that rhymes!).

Monday and Tuesday the Navy packers and movers packed up and moved my household goods stuff into non-temporary storage. The previous Sunday was spent running around like a crazy person trying to sort out all the shit I couldn't live without for the next six months. CRAZY!! Already I've remembered a couple of items that should have been kept out - but too late now! Oh well!

I asked Muffin to sort through her toys before going to stay at her daddy's house and she managed to come up with one full box. I was actually impressed, she went through her closet. I thought for sure she would just pick up whatever she laid eyes on but it seems as though a little planning happened in there. Awww, my little organizer.

When I asked her if she was sure that she had taken out everything she needed she just shrugged. "If I forgot something you can buy it for me again."

Oh really? Kids certainly learn fast.

Anyway, I'm comforted by the fact that this is the last Thursday I'll ever be in this office. Tomorrow, the last Friday I'll ever work in this office, I'm going for my separation physical. Fun. Then Saturday I'm renting a Uhaul van to haul my left-over crap to the house I'm looking after for a friend. More fun. In the middle of all this I'm cleaning my house and trying to make a graceful exit.

I hope to have more time to comment and catch up soon! Next Tuesday at noon I will check outta here. Whew, the long strange trip is almost over. Thank GAWD! And thanks for bearing with me. :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

For My Lil Sis

Here are a few lolcats that were inspired by my Lil Sister's kitties... Enjoy!

Love you Lil Sis!

Out Of Pocket

One of the cute little sayings I've learned over the years... Means, I'm not available for the time being. I'm wasting time learning valuable transition tools to assist in my de-militarization. I'll be in class all week but will try to post in the evenings.

Quick update on A/C - we got a new air handler on Thursday and I'm happy to say that my home is freezing. My parents came up this past weekend to witness Muffin's preschool graduation and dance recital (poor Daddy, and he thought those days were behind him) - I froze them OUT! They resorted to sweaters and flannel! Bwahh ha ha ha.... Cold is good.

Have a lovely Monday!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Classics - Brandenburg Concerto 5

My little sister posted one of her favorite pieces on her blog and I remember her telling me that she liked this one too... Here you go Lil Sis! A little Bach just for you!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Fuck You Friday - This Job Can Bite Me

I hate my job. I'm sure that's no surprise to those of you that read this blog - it's something that I've been bitching about regularly. Work has been steadily going downhill since last fall. Not only with the "problem child" that was assigned to me but in other ways as well.

A few weeks ago I was invited to a meeting to discuss the outcome of the IT department's inventory review. I was a little confused at the invitation since I have nothing to do with the IT department - but as my department has had several successful inventory reviews I thought they may be interested in my input. Plus, it was the Chief of Staff who sent the invitation.

The meeting started off with COS going over the review - it was dismal. Out of a sampling of 100 pieces of IT equipment 67 were incorrect. The IT guys took it on the chin, owned up to having a poor system in place and then they started to discuss ways to moving forward. COS stated that he felt there should be one person in charge of all the inventory and that person should be from MY department.

I was confused but willing to "discuss" the idea in the hopes that COS would change his mind. I told him that our inventory person already has three other collateral duties and that frankly it would be too overwhelming for someone of her rank. To be responsible for all the inventory in this place would pretty much be a fulltime job.

Well, he told me that he felt my enlisted people weren't doing their job. In fact, he felt that they weren't even putting in a full days work. Also, just to drive the dagger in further, he stated that if WE had done our job the IT inventory would be squared away.

What. The. FUCK!? I was stunned - where is this shit coming from? I said, respectfully, that he was mis-informed about my departments working hours and that if he wanted someone to take over the IT inventory I would be happy to do the job from now on. However, it was never our responsibility in the past and my department should not be blamed for someone else's fuck up (paraphrased). My neck was red, my ears were red, I was pissed.

After the meeting the chief of the IT department put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'm sorry - I have no idea how a meeting about our inventory turned into a beating for your department" I told him not to worry about it. Because I realized in that meeting that this place needs a scapegoat and since I'm leaving I'm perfect for the job.

Since that meeting my boss has come to me twice with "concerns" about my people in the warehouse. She said that she had had "reports" that my people had too much liberty and weren't getting the job done. Excuse me? I asked for specific incidences of "too much liberty" and she stated that someone saw one of my people leaving early to pick up their kid from daycare. That's it? So I asked for a specific incidence of "work not getting done" and she said that basically it all came back to the stupid fucking IT inventory. WHICH WE WEREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR!

Then she comes to my office this week and says that there are too many shenanigans going on at the warehouse and my relief needs to be out there with them. I was like "what kind of shenanigans?" and she said for me not to worry about it because I'm leaving and I don't need that kind of stress. Also, she wants to move one of her people in my office because that person is at the same pay grade of another employee who has their own office.

OK - if you want my damn office just SAY SO! There is no need to make shit up about my department as a bass ackwards way of getting another office. Trust me - my relief and I will be happy to relocate and stay out of this building and all it's insane and inane inhabitants.

Now, as a final Fuck You Send Off for me my boss said that COS wants me to have a face to face turn-over with my relief. My relief won't be here until two weeks after I'm gone. Which means I have to come in off of leave, find somewhere/someone to keep my daughter and waste a day or two babysitting a grown man.

I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE!! AND EVERYBODY IN IT!! (except my lunch buddies - they're ok. Oh yeah, and my warehouse people are ok too.) These people better watch out or I'm gonna go all Milton from Office Space on them!


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Laser Dance

You know I love Lolcats, right? I don't know what it is about cats with silly captions but I love it. Anyhoo - they posted this video of a cat doing the "laser dance" and I was taken aback. Hello! This is exactly what I look like on the dance floor! Crazy head movement, spasmodic flinging of limbs, generally unaware of how silly I look. It's all there! Enjoy.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wordy Wednesday - An Email

I have been applying for jobs since May and this is the first nibble I get? A nasty gram? Damn, the job market really does suck.

Not sure if you can read the screen shot but basically someone from HR felt the need to use ALLCAPS and EXCLAMATION POINTS to tell me that I needed to read the entire vacancy announcement.

Geez. Not sure I want to work there anymore...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Packing Up and Moving Out

Today I set up the dates for my government pack-up and pick-up of my household goods. I should be done in plenty of time to get the place cleaned up and ready for the new owner. It's sad to say, but I'm ready to go. More than ready, actually.

Sure, there have been many pleasant memories in the town home. I remember when Muffin took her first steps and distinctly remember watching her "read" to herself from lift-a-flap books on our couch. I remember Sissy's bachelorette party last summer and cooking pizzas on the grill. I remember getting up super early on Saturday mornings so we could hit the beach before anyone else. I remember birthdays and one special Thanksgiving where everyone came to my house. I remember lots of love (usually professed by me when I was drunk-dialing but you know - it's still love).

Yes, lots of memories. Some good, some not so great. I remember holding a baby Muffin in my arms when she was violently ill and directing the contents of her illness onto me so that I wouldn't have to clean the carpet (Lazy! Lazy and dirty!) I remember lots and lots of jet noise. I remember when the neighbor's pit bull broke into my backyard. I will always remember those damn kids breaking my baby tree. I remember lots of arguments with Jackass over the phone and being so mad that I was literally shaking. I remember going to bed and dreading work the next day.

Now I'm ready to go and make memories somewhere else. I'll be house sitting for a friend the next couple of months while I look for a job. I intend to join the YMCA and take Muffin to the pool every day. I'm going to make my summer "off" a season of memories for Muffin and I to cherish. Who knows when we'll be able to spend this kind of time together again. I may be a little overwhelmed right now, but in a few short weeks it will all be over. Time to move on!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Damn Kids!

On Saturday, I had to threaten to call the cops on the neighborhood gaggle of kids. They use my driveway, as well as others, to play 4-Square in addition to other games and usually that's not a big deal - however - lately some bigger kids have started to play and they have been messing up my stuff.

BTW - in these pics my car is the black Honda with the sunroof - just for reference.

Then, Saturday morning when I came out to take Muffin to recital practice, I saw that they had knocked over my little crepe myrtle tree. It's a tree that my sister and I planted when we first moved here and meant a lot to both of us. I tried to stand it back up, but it was no use. I thought I'd try to stake it up after I got back from practice.

However, when I got back from practice my driveway was full of kids, there was no tree and my dumpster had been knocked over. Fury overcame me. I pulled into MY driveway and they moved over next door. I said "Who knocked down my tree?" and one of the brats said "What tree?" while they snickered. I said "What? Are you trying to sass me? I'm talking about the tree that was right there." and again they said "What tree?"

Oh, that was it.

I said "Well then, who knocked over my dumpster" and they said "Not us!" I asked "Do any of you live here?" the answer was no. So, I said "If you do not live here then you need to leave. I am tired of you kids vandalizing my stuff and if you don't find somewhere else to play I will call the cops."

Of course they all started saying "It wasn't us! We don't mess with people's stuff!" and to that I replied: "You obviously have no respect for other people's belongings, whether you live here or not! NOW GO or I'm calling the cops."

I am so glad that this place has sold and I can leave this ghetto bullshit behind.

The pictures in this post are ones that I took of the gang before I went to Rome. I was going to do a post about how we are such a friendly neighborhood that we allow the kids to play wherever but I'm over that shit.

Next time I see you hood-rats I'm call the Poo-leece.


Pants Wars - A Contest!

In an effort to bring some light hearted humor to this often humorless blog I present...

A list wherein certain words from the beloved Star Wars movie were substituted with the word "pants." Please see the original article as well as the other nominees here.

The top fifteen:
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
You are unwise to lower your pants.
The Force is strong in my pants.
Chewie and me got into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
Your pants, you will not need them.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.
Governer Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader’s pants.
In his pants you will find a new definition of pain and suffering
I think you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants.
Pull up! All pants pull up!
I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!
I’ve just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of our pants forever.
Alderan is peaceful, we have no pants!
These aren’t the pants you’re looking for.

I must say, the very last line has historical significance for me. Aww, I have lost my pants in the past - haven't you?

Tell me which line is the most significant in your life and I'll send a "Star"bucks gift card to the most convincining commenter. Contest ends on Thursday 11 June 09. Have fun!

Enjoy the list - especially if you're a Star Wars fan.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Where Have I Been?

Running around like a crazy person - that's where.

Update on house:

I signed the closing paperwork last Friday but due to some glitch with the A/C am still not sure where I stand. I haven't used the a/c since April because it has been fairly mild. The buyer was convinced that it didn't work. I had to call my home warranty people to come out and the first guys they sent said the entire unit needed to be replaced. This is news to me because it FUCKING WORKED IN APRIL! Also, the dude said that the warranty probably wouldn't pay for it since it was due to lack of preventive maintenance. Which is untrue because I had preventative maintenance done on it 18 months ago.

Second opinion guy came out yesterday and basically said the same thing. Now I'm waiting to hear if the warranty people will spring for a new unit or if I'm going to have to forgo the proceeds on my house to pay for a new one. grr..

Either way, I have to be out of the house by 30 June and that doesn't leave me much time to get my affairs in order. Thankfully I have a very good friend who is leaving town for three months to visit her family in WA and has invited Muffin and me to house sit for her. THANK YOU BABY JESUS! We have a place to go. Now I just have to get the rest of the house packed up and in storage. Not looking forward to that...

Update on resignation:

Getting out of the military is a pain in the ASS! So much to do! And not a lot of helpful people to guide you either. I'm basically on my own and pissed about it because all the admin folks are pointing fingers at each other and not trying to step up to the plate.

I still have to get my separation physical, all of my records, a ton of signatures that say I'm not leaving with government secrets and then make an appointment with a clerk in personnel to go over everything and make sure I'm leaving legally before I can get out. Not at all like leaving a civilian job. Not. At. All.

So that's me in a nutshell. I'm freaked out about the a/c, freaked out about my household goods and moving them, freaked out about not getting everything done before it's time for me to go on terminal leave and basically FREAKED OUT in general.

Sorry I'm a bad bloggy friend. I hope to catch up with everyone soon. It's looking like the month of June is going to be a doozy.