Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Dash the Negativity

It seems like I've had nothing but negative things to say on my blog lately. I always seem to be complaining about work, baby daddy, or other more random things and have neglected to reflect on my many blessings.

A good friend of mine is a firm believer that negative thoughts create more negativity and that makes sense to me - in a way. I mean, some things are going to suck no matter what, but I think that a positive attitude can go a long way towards mitigating the effects of sucky circumstances.

That being said - I'm going to endeavor to find those elusive silver linings in my rainclouds. I'm going to make lemonade out of lemons. I'm going to turn my frown upside down. After all, it's SPRING! The flowers are blooming, the weather is starting to warm up and (most importantly) I'm finished with my home improvement projects!

I'm going to get my camera back out and start taking more pictures. I'm going to finish knitting that baby afghan that I started back in January and maybe start a new project. Muffin and I are going to plant some seeds and see what happens.

I feel better already!

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Cat Is At Home. Alive.

Just in case anyone was worried about my homicidal feelings towards a particularly old, weak bladdered, vindictive feline. He's fine, he likes his home better than Zephyr does and he doesn't seem too concerned about his close brush with death and/or homelessness.

I have now set up a "cat run" for them to get out of their cat-habitat and stretch their legs. Louis actually prefers sitting on his ass (like his mama) but Zephyr takes every opportunity to spazz out and act like she's fucking Braveheart. FREEDOM!

Here is a picture of their daytime home. I am assured that it is not considered animal cruelty to keep them in there while I am at work. While I am at home they are free to roam about the country kitchen. While I watch them. Like a hawk.

Also - here is a picture of my (almost) pristine carpet. So lovely, so soft, so should have done this years ago...

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Saturday Funnies

Here is the drill team my dad is going to try out for:

I think he'll be great! :)

Have a great weekend!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday Madness

Guess who's tired of March Madness? That's right - me. I don't watch sports and I certainly do my best not to participate in them so why are some dumb-ass (yes, I'm probably going to hell for thinking NCAA basketball is dumb) basketball games preempting my favorite TV shows? Huh? WHY?!?!

Oh well, it's given me a chance to catch up on some stuff in my DVR that was in danger of being erased. Also, I was one of the fortunate ones who were able to get Twilight via Netflix this week so I've been jumping up and down and yelling "In Your FACE!" enjoying that as well. (insert dreamy sigh)

In a surprisingly mature move, Muffin's Dad answered his cell phone Wednesday night and confirmed that we are still on for a Muffin Visit. Frankly, I was surprised but happy to know that Muffin's little heart was going to stay intact this weekend. She's super excited and that's what is important. (insert big fat sigh)

In other news, a good friend may come and visit me this weekend. It's been a while since I have been able to hang out with any of my old friends and I really hope she can make it. Somehow, it's not the same to hang out with work acquaintances - they just don't "get" me as well as my school buddies. Perhaps because we haven't shared as many illegal fun activities together. Who knows...

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


OK, I know I've been neglecting my blog but in my defense a few things have been happening around these parts.

1) Muffin Baby-Daddy Drama. So guess who called last Friday at 9pm? Yeah, it was Jackass. He claimed that he had tried to reach me on my cell phone all day when he knows damn good and well that I have no cell reception in my building. And, he has my work number - so why not call that? Also, he could have left a message on my home phone - but, no. So he calls at 9pm and wants to see if we can meet first thing in the morning. I said no, he got pouty and I had to laugh in his face and tell him to grow the fuck up. We are supposed to meet this Friday but again, no call = no go. Hopefully he got the point.

2) I got a storage shed!! Yay! I spent most of the weekend boxing shit up and then on Sunday I borrowed the storage shed's complimentary moving truck to move all my crap in one fell swoop. It was awesome. Well, not really - I still have bruises and sore muscles - but it was awesome to get it all finished at once. Muffin was an especially helpful little lady. She was the self-proclaimed "Elevator/Hand Cart Girl" who was in charge of holding the hand cart while I loaded boxes on it and pressing the elevator buttons. She constantly reassured me that:

"There is no need to worry! Elevator/Hand Cart Girl is On The Job! Everything is under control!"

I'm not sure where she picked up that particular phrase, but it made me squeeze her while my heart burst with love and affection. Then we went to McD's because she deserved it. So did I.

3) I GOT NEW FUCKING CARPET!!! And it is so pretty and clean. I love it. It took the dudes all day on Monday, but around 7pm they finished up and we were free to roll around walk on the new carpet and feel it squish happily through our toes. Joy!

4) Muffin had her ENT follow-up appointment to check on ear-tubes and other ENT related things. The tubes are finally on their way out! I thought we'd be living with those things forever, but the Doc said we should find them on her pillow in the next couple of months. Super!

Also - I discovered that the ENT office offers "painless ear piercing" which I thought was pretty cool. The technician explained that they use a topical anesthetic to numb up the area and then "bam" pierced ears. I am considering it. We shall see...

5) Remember my NEW CARPET? Well, in a fit of guilt, I let the cats out of their new "cat-habitation unit" and allowed them to roam around the kitchen, stretch their legs and complain pitifully. Louis subsequently leapt over the baby gate that I had placed across the entrance to the kitchen, ran in the living room and pissed on the floor. It took all of my willpower not to throttle that cat in front of Muffin. Seriously. I still might kill him, I'm not sure yet.

I doused the area with animal-fluid cleaning solution and dabbed it up. That fucking cat had better be praying that the odor disappears because if not - he's dead. Or at least take him to the Humane Society. Or maybe I'll do a few shots and get over it. I'm not sure.

So, that's my life in a nutshell this past week. I intend to paint baseboards, put nick-knacks and books back on shelves and generally "stage" the house this weekend. Crunch time is upon us at Case de Bebop. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Word Ver = Dead

Ok, I did it. I disabled the word verification. Just for you. And you, and you and you too.

Feel the love.

Wordless Wednesday - Ice Cream!

I found these pictures of Muffin enjoying an ice cream cone back around Valentine's Day... Mmmm, ice cream!

Saturday, March 21, 2009


MOFM - you should get a kick out of this one! My brother sent it to me yesterday and I laughed my ass off. At work. Totally worth it.

Take care to read the scrolling news bar at the bottom too - Hilarious!

Friday, March 20, 2009

WTF Friday

This is getting to be something of a habit around here, Friday rantings. Oh well!

Here is a WTF shout-out to Muffin's dad who I affectionately refer to as Jackass. WTF Jackass? Can you at least call me to let me know that your weekend with Muffin is canceled? Oh no, in your passive aggressive world I'm sure that just NOT CALLING and letting me leave unanswered messages on your cell is a perfectly acceptable way to say "This visit will have to be cancelled/postponed as I can not meet you on Friday evening like we discussed."

I have news for you buddy - if you do try and call today I will not be answering the phone. As I said on my message yesterday evening, as far as I'm concerned the meeting is off. I'm not going to drive two hours to some rest stop only to be stood up. AGAIN. Remember that last time when you "forgot?" Never again - not for me, not for Muffin.

BTW, you broke her little heart. I hope you're fucking miserable happy.
It's tough to follow that one, but here is a tiny wtf to the carpet installers. WTF, people? When you say you're going to "move the furniture" I assumed that would mean that you would - I don't know - MOVE THE DAMN FURNITURE! Now you tell me that I have to move everything but the big stuff. Why? Why can't you? Aren't I paying you extra for that shit? And where exactly am I supposed to put everything? In my magical invisible storage shed? Oh yeah, and thanks - Monday will be fine. I'll just spend my ENTIRE weekend getting the place ready for you. Yeah. Thanks for that.

Well. That was cathartic. Have a Happy Friday!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Big Sigh

Do you heave great big sighs for (seemingly) no reason at all? Well, I do. In fact I think it's a family trait because both of my sisters do it too. I'm pretty sure my mom does it but I haven't caught her. Yet.

The heaving of a great big sigh is a code that begs the question: "What's on your mind?" or perhaps "Is anything the matter?" It is a passive aggressive entreaty for sympathy. It usually is accompanied by a downward cast glance and maybe a tiny pout.

The Big Sigh is great and all when you live with someone who does not practice Big Sighs. It kind of sucks when there are two or more Big Sighers in the house because eventually we will all want to be consoled at the same time and that's not pretty. At that point the Sighs get bigger, the pouts grow larger and instead of a downward cast glance there is an outright glare.

No, it's not really like that - but sometimes it felt like that when I lived with my family. I'm sure you would never have guessed this - but we're a pretty melodramatic crowd. For some reason melodramatic types need people to pay attention to them and when there are a bunch of us together nobody is satisfied.

That being said, I'm heaving a Great Big Huge Sigh because Muffin is going to visit her daddy tomorrow. I have plenty of things to keep me busy this weekend, but I know I will be lonely for her. However, being the melodramatic martyr that I am, I will never let on that I pine for my little Muffin. Oh no, better for her to remain clueless and happy to see her step-siblings.


Dammit, where is an audience when you need one!


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday - Snow Day!

Picture of our recent snow day - Muffin is trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue and laughing her butt off in the process.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Gym Etiquette

Is there such a thing? Or am I asking too much from my fellow sweaty-exercise-mates? I was forced to consider this matter yesterday afternoon after I spent 30 min on the elliptical with a gentleman heaving, panting, groaning and making all sorts of other "sex" noises on the machine behind me.

I realize that in certain professional sports a grunt or exclamation of effort is perfectly acceptable. Tennis immediately springs to mind. There are several pro tennis players that are actually known for their outbursts. I'm sure there are other sports where this is permissible, but since I don't watch sports as a rule, I'm not familiar with them.

That being said, I may be out of the loop sports-wise but I'm pretty certain that those types of noises are not necessary on a freaking elliptical machine. Unless it's Stacie's machine. :)

At first I was confused by the sounds - was this man having a heart attack? Was he unwell? Then, I was slightly offended by the sounds. After all, this person was on the machine directly behind me! Though I know I'm no Scarlett Johansson I couldn't help but feel the noises were directed at my ass. Finally I was amused. I kept thinking that this poor fellow must be really down on his testosterone to feel the need to make an exhibition out of his elliptical workout. Aww, perhaps he just wanted the rest of us to see how manly he was. Sad, really.

Still, it got me thinking about other infractions of my personal gym code. Not wiping off sweaty machines happens to be very high on the pet peeve list. Also, not putting exercise equipment back where it belongs so I know where to find it! (I'm talking about you, wandering exercise ball!) Then there is my extensive list of gym wear do's and don'ts that include: maximum capacity for spandex, appropriate length of gym shorts (Marines are exempt from this because - damn. They've got great legs), the perceived necessity of wearing copious amounts of jewelry and make-up as well as my general aversion to hot babes wearing next to nothing. I'm a hater, what can I say.

Now I'm curious - what are your etiquette expectations at the gym? Am I just being Type A or should gym rules be universal?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Monday Meh.

How was your weekend? Mine? It was rainy but that didn't stop Muffin and I from getting out. Poor child, I know it's wet and ugly but trust me - if we don't get out there and do something one of us is going to wind up at the loony farm. Probably not you.

So we went to the Aquarium on Saturday and I was flat out disappointed. I dunno - I guess I thought that the Virginia Beach Aquarium would be pretty spectacular. I mean, it's huge! But, no. The size is deceptive because of the IMAX theater housed within. Ahhhh... Also, I'd say that at least 1/3 if not 1/2 of the place was under construction for some new exhibits. Did that stop them from charging full price? Of course not! Thieves. To console myself on the rip-off I took Muffin out to Mexican and that brightened our spirits considerably.

On Sunday we went to get my hair done. In the past, my friend Mrs. E. would come as well and we would have a little "girl's day." We love our hairdresser and she loves us so it's always a good time. We haven't been able to do the girl's day thing lately because she has a baby and her husband is deployed and therefore unavailable for babysitting.

Since Muffin would be tagging along anyway, I invited Mrs. E. to come too and volunteered to hold the baby while she was getting her hair done. I envisioned holding a lovely little boy, perhaps reading a book, perhaps playing the tickle game and all going smoothly. Things didn't turn out exactly the way I planned - but he was still a lovely little boy. Or, perhaps I should say bear cub. Because he was a solid, wiggly ball of "I want to get down" topped with pretty blue eyes and blond hair. Despite the fact that he was not permitted to crawl on the salon floor - he was very good natured and plum wore me out.

I didn't take any pictures and I've been pretty lame about keeping up with my "Sunday Scrapbook" posts. I'll have to get back to that soon. Another weekend gone, another week ahead. It's Monday. Meh.

Friday, March 13, 2009

WTF Co-workers?

Yes, I'm talking to you guys! You think that just because I'm all quiet in my office that I don't see what is going on? I see - and I question.

WTF is up with YOU head-set lady? Are you sooooo self-involved and self-important that you feel the need to parade up and down the corridor with your headset on while carrying on a personal conversation? We don't care about your kid's birthday party plans or their sports prowess or your husbands prowess or ANYTHING personally related to you! Either get off the damn phone or stay in your damn office.

WFT is up with YOU slipper-wearing, feet dragging lazy person? When did it suddenly become acceptable to wear your house slippers in the office? Ok, I could be just hating here because my shoes suck and I can't change that. However, if your shoes are uncomfortable - buy new ones! Wear different ones! Do not subject me the rest of the college to your horribly dirty, broken down slippers. They are nasty. So are you. Oh yeah - and stop dragging your feet, Igor. Last I looked both of your legs worked just fine - pick up your feet!

WTF is up with YOU teddy-bear-carrying-lunatic? Why am I even asking this question. You are in your 40's - why are you carrying TWO teddy bears up and down the hall every time you leave your office to use the fax/copier? Did I suddenly get re-located to a mental facility? Ok, don't answer that one...

WFT is up with YOU belligerent-person-who-is-never-wrong-and-won't-let-anyone-get-a-word-in-edgewise? Seriously? You're never wrong? Why do you always go off the deep-end whenever someone even suggests that you might have made a mistake? I don't care how long you used to work for DFAS! You work for us now! Get a grip!

WFT is up with YOU crazy-80's-hair-lady? See a hairdresser. Or rather - get a new hairdresser. Preferably one who lives in the 21st century.

WFT is up with YOU unfriendly-passer-by-in-the-hallway? Why do you never return my smile? Why? What did I ever do to you? Am I not friendly enough? Do I need to come to your office and BEG you for some common courtesy? Or, do you just hate this place as much as the rest of us? Bah, nobody likes you anyway.

(I wrote the post on Thursday afternoon full of all the bile and vitriol that comes with a week of putting up with people and work I dislike. I'm sure that now it is Friday I will be in a much better mood. Or not. Either way, it's like passive-aggressive therapy. I'd never say anything to these people, but it's nice to get it off my chest.)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Freaky Dream

I am one of those people who get the odd dream once or twice a week. Usually nothing to write home about, but you know - memorable. The kind of dream that makes you scratch your head the next morning and ask "what is my crazy sub-conscious trying to tell me this time?"

Last night I woke in a sweat from a crazy awful dream and couldn't get back to sleep. It started out fine - I was in a hospital for some kind of surgery and the nurse was taking me back to see the doctor. In fact, as I had been watching a mystery set in a hospital before I went to bed, it's kind of predictable - right?

Instead of taking me to the doctor she takes me to the bar. Then she starts drinking and I start drinking and a lot of other hospital staff shows up - it's a party! Except apparently there's this one doctor who has a "thing" for the nurse I'm with and he keeps hitting on her. She keeps pushing him away and eventually goes off with someone else. So, the doctor and I keep drinking.

Eventually I wind up in the bathroom watching this drunk guy take a bath and try to blow dry his hair at the same time. Can we all see where this is heading? I try to reach him before he sticks the blow dryer in the bath but, because of dream slo-mo, I can't make it. I pull him out and suddenly - it's not some weird doctor guy who has just been electrocuted, it's my daughter.

I remember seeing her laid out on the bathroom floor and I woke up. FREAKED OUT! After I checked on Muffin to make sure she's still alive I laid back down and tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't get the image of my little girl out of my head. Still can't.

I'm thinking I should let her stay dirty and never use a hair dryer. What do you think?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Give-Away Game!

I'm playing along with a game for "blogger" types from Missie Jean over at Death By Chocolate Martini.

Here's how it works: the first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something made by me personally.

What I make is my choice, but it will be made JUST FOR YOU!

My choice. For you. (calicobebop adds: Do not be surprised if it is knitted.)

However, like all things that sound too good to be true, this offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- There is no guarantee that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you personally.
3- It will be completed sometime this year.
4- You will receive no clues as to what it's going to be.
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange if I so desire... it may blow your mind! Or it may not. It may be very simple and predictable... but hopefully you will benefit from it!
6- You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same deal to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

Not too bad, huh? In fact, I think it'll be a lot of fun!!

So-- on your mark, get set, GO! The first 5 people to leave a comment telling me they posted this on their blog and want to win a free, FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift from me will receive just that!!! (I will email you and ask for your address)

**Remember: You have to post this on your blog before you can be guaranteed one of the five slots!**

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Carpet Fiasco

Don't you hate it when you have a slew of things on your "to do" list and, try as you might, can't check any off? So frustrating!

I had several errands to run after work and was thwarted at every turn. One of the errands was to discuss my new carpet quote with the dude from Lowes - but he wasn't there! The other guy in the flooring section said he would get my quote out to go over but he had questions about it.

I had questions too! I snuck a peek at the quote and it was $1000 more than the estimate in my head - what's up with that? And why, oh great Lowes flooring people, is my installation cost over $1500? What's up with that? Where is the $139 installation special you guys are supposed to be running? Yes, I know that there is an extra fee for stairs as well as for moving furniture - but how can it be that much?

As I am mentally trying to figure out how to pay for this (yeah, the tax refund isn't gonna cut it) the Lowes dude says it looks like they didn't include the padding. So, he's going to have to ask the fellow that put the quote together. And of course that means more money, right?

Trying not to hyperventilate I stammered that I would be happy to return later in the week when the gentleman who put the quote together can discuss it with me. Meanwhile, Muffin was being an angel since somebody (ME!) thought ahead and brought a coloring book. I was very grateful for her good behavior.

Lord have mercy, please let the guy who put the quote together pull something magical out of his ass. Due to the "cat smell" and the paint that I careless flung all over the place - I can't afford NOT to get new carpet! Carpet, I hate you.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Birthday Party Weekend

Muffin and I attended two birthday parties this weekend. Remind me never to do that to myself again! One afternoon of sugar-hyped madness is enough. Two afternoons of "fun" makes this mother a little crazy. I don't think I'm cut out for parties. I have anxiety issues.

It's not just the sweets and the squealing. It's keeping an eye on her manners as well as making sure she doesn't get stolen by baby-snatching strangers that drives me nuts. By the end of the party yesterday I was furious with Muffin. Ostensibly because she interrupted me when I was trying to talk to the hostess but really it was a combination of feelings that culminated in Muffin interrupting me at the wrong time. Wow, Muffin - bet you didn't see that coming!

I was stressed out from trying to keep my darling girl from stepping on the plethora of small children (because she's freaking huge and it's like watching Godzilla in Tokyo) and I was depressed from comparing my figure to all of the other mommies who look fabulous. Muffin actually behaved herself rather well - she said "excuse me" to get around people and picked flowers for the hostess. Sweet, right?

Then she offered to "help" the birthday boy open his presents. Muffin - seriously. Would you like someone to "help" you open your presents? I didn't think so. Also, she kept coming up to me and stage-whispering "Mama, can I please just have one more M&M?" or "Mama, can I just have one more chip - please?" and after about 50 of these requests it got old.

Now, none of this would have been grounds for us leaving or my being upset with her. It was just the wrong combination of events that lead to my untimely outburst after her interruption.

I guess I'm saying that I'm sorry, Muffin. I'll probably flip out on you again at some point since I'm kind of a looney spazz, but I love you and I'm really rather proud of you. You're a good girl with a sweet heart - I couldn't ask for anything more.

Friday, March 6, 2009

I Am Useless

We received new computers here at the office. At first I was really pissed off because I found out (rather quickly) that they had taken off all the games. Bastards! Then, I made an astounding discovery: No Firewall.

It was like the gates of Heaven opened up while a choir of angels sang glorious hymns celebrating the internet. Praise be!

Since I received my new computer I can honestly say that my production has been if not halved then at least quartered. I have discovered that having access to ebay at work can be detrimental to the checkbook and that Poppit is addicting.

Also, as the best mom on the planet, I have been answering quiz questions on my daughter's Webkinz account to raise money. So she can spend it. On virtual stuffed animals and their accouterments.

There is a small part of me that actually wants the firewall to be put back in place. Evidently I'm completely irresponsible and can not be trusted with free access to all the joys of the web.

TMZ is crack. Hulu is calling me. Gotta run.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

So, about that smell...

My real estate agent came to take a look at the house yesterday. First thing out of his mouth is "So, about that smell... What are you going to do to take care of it?" Lovely.

I explained that I would be getting new carpet, yada yada yada. Then I told him my idea about keeping the kitties in the Master Bathroom with a baby gate in front of the door. Which he shot down and countered with the suggestion to buy a cat cage. Ok, maybe. We'll see.

Aside from the cats and their odors he was pleased with the house. I guess all the hard work has paid off. He is especially pleased with the school district and the proximity to several military installations. All in all, not a bad visit. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and clean out some closets! Oh, and rake the yard. And touch up the paint. The list never ends!!

Anybody want to buy a house in VAB with a slight cat smell? Anyone? Bueller? *sigh*

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

And The Winner Is...

I'm not sure if you can read that writing... Apparently, blue crayon looks darker on paper than on film... However, the winner is Stacie from Stacie's Madness! Congrats Stacie - you just won a $30 gift card to Kohl's! Thanks for all of you who entered - I'm inspired to give away more! :)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Snow Day? & Last Day!

Ok, I called my boss yesterday morning and told her that I would be willing to come in if she felt it necessary but felt that the road conditions merited a liberal leave policy if at all possible. Sounds good right? She bought it. But, then she went and called her boss and he said something to the extent of "Screw you guys and get your asses in here."

So, I took my time on the icy roads and finally made it to work about 10:45am. My boss came in at 11:30am. Her boss told us to go home at 12:00pm. Fuckers.

Well, by that time Muffin was already in nap mode at her daycare so I took the opportunity to do a little retail therapy - which reminds me!

Today is the last day to enter my first ever give-away for a $30 Kohls gift card!! I will be closing the comments at 10pm tonight. Then I'll make up little slips with names for Muffin to do the drawing first thing tomorrow morning. The winner will be posted along with the pictures on tomorrow's post!

Best of luck to you all!! I hope you buy something fun!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Snow Day (ish)

The weather people claimed that we would get snow over the weekend and GUESS WHAT! For once they were right. Living this close to the beach means that 9 out of every 10 snow predictions leads to disappointment. This is why I never tell Muffin about any "expected" snow. It simply doesn't do to get her hopes up.

Well, here on the 2nd of March we received a whopping 1/2 inch of snow which has lead to over 30 accidents on the roads. This is because we Southerners are complete idiots when it comes to driving in frozen precipitation. Given these kinds of conditions I am not in any mood to try and brave the roadways with my child.

Though we are on a 2-hour delay, I can not decide whether to go in to work later or just stay home for the day. Usually I would jump on any excuse to stay home from work. However, thanks to 72 hours of rain, I've been cooped up in the house with a rabid five-year-old all weekend. I think we could both use a break.

Still, it's not like I often get the opportunity to stay home very often (you know, unless I call in "sick"). What to do, what to do...