Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween Pictures

I tried to find some pictures of my past halloweens but mercifully sadly I can't seem to lay my hands on them. Maybe next year...

SO! You know what's coming don't you? Pictures of Muffin instead! I've had her for three Halloweens, her dad has her this year. I sent her to him with the Cinderella costume and accessories. Who knows if I'll ever see them again... Anyway, without further ado -

Muffin circa 2004 - please note the expression of distaste. This photo was taken inbetween crying fits. She was not amused.

Muffin circa 2006 - Not entirely sure about this trick or treat thing, but willing to try anything that results in free candy. My mom made this costume and it was very sweet.

Muffin circa 2007 - A purple princess once again but this time with gold accents!

We've never actually gone trick-or-treating door to door. There is a local farm that hosts a Halloween party for children - including rides and trick-or-treating around the petting zoo. It's a really nice time and safe to boot. Maybe next year, in a new home in a new city, we'll try the neighborhood thing. I hope so.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween!! Bring your kids by my house - I've got the "good" candy. :)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

What's Your Mascara?

I'm curious. I never used mascara in the past but I'm beginning to believe that it might be a handy camouflage make-up accessory for my ever expanding arsenal.
I watch America's Next Top Model so I'm constantly bombarded by CoverGirl products but I have always heard that the pink and green Maybelline mascara was the most reliable!
I'm only looking for something to accentuate my natural lashes - nothing too "volumizing" or "maximizing" thank-you-very-much.

So, any suggestions?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

"Not So" Wordless Wednesday

In honor of my birthday (today!) I'm going to post some pictures of a very bittersweet period in my life - my pregnancy. The first couple of pictures were taken almost as an afterthought. I said to my sister "I suppose I should have some pictures of me while I'm pregnant, shouldn't I?" and she agreed. Hence, on my birthday, some pictures were taken. I was 29 years old, in my 29th week of pregnancy on October 29. Tell me that isn't spooky!

Then, a few weeks later we celebrated Thanksgiving!
There is only one picture of Muffin's Dad and I during the pregnancy. He came to visit me in the last few weeks before her premature birth. Mmmm, can we say "strained?" Yeah.

My final pregnancy picture is a couple of days before her arrival. My sister and I were shopping in Seattle and decided that a little picture-taking was due. And so was Muffin! The next time I went Christmas shopping my water broke. Along came Muffin!


Muffin, your Dad and I both love you very much. Even though he and I weren't meant to be, YOU were meant to be. You changed both of our lives - for the better! Thank you, baby.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Monday Blues

I'm blue. Not so much because it's Monday or because I regretfully relinquished my daughter to her father this weekend - although those are both very good reasons to be blue. No, I'm blue because today I have to take a test. The dreaded Physical Readiness Test that is administered by the armed forces twice a year to ensure that we military members are in fit enough shape to kick enemy butt.

I always dread the PRT because it tests my physical ability - not my mental prowess. I would much rather someone ask me to take a 100 question multiple choice test on the the history Mesopotamian despots than perform any physical act for a grade.

The test consists of three parts: sit-ups (they call them curl-ups for some reason) push-ups and a 1.5 mile run/swim. The grading system goes from "Probationary" (meaning "barely getting by") to "Outstanding - High" (meaning super powers). I fall somewhere below the happy medium at "Good - High." I'm pretty ok with that at this point in my career. Could be better, could be worse.

When I was at OCS I was able to perform sit-ups and push-ups at Outstanding High. This was mostly due to my sadistic helpful Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant. Anytime we messed up we had to do push-ups and this naturally lead to very strong arms. Now, the run was another story. I'm not a runner - never have been. Gunny would literally drag me by the back of the shirt whenever I fell behind. Which was often. Still, I managed to get my run time down to a little over 11 minutes.

Naturally my exercise regimen declined sharply after leaving OCS. Then there was the pregnancy. Women are allowed to skip the PRT while they are pregnant and for six months after delivery. Although I did work out when I was pregnant I could not find the motivation to do much after Muffin was born. Thankfully, an alternative to the run is to swim and I can do that! I'm a good swimmer - it's the reason I joined the Navy! I like water!

Still, even though I can perform all of the elements of the PRT I dread it. I dread being tested on my physical ability to do anything. I dread getting weighed and having everyone and their grandma know how much I weigh. I dread sit-ups and the subsequent worry that I might accidentally pass gas due to the effort. (Yikes!)

Most of all - I dread putting on a damn bathing suit in front of my co-workers. There are some things we just don't need to know about each other. They don't need to know about my flabby white thighs and I don't need to know about their hairy beer-guts. Eyes front, people!!

I looked through my old posts to see if I had mentioned this horrific event last spring but apparently I was too busy whining about other shit at the time. Hopefully, by the time the Spring PRT rolls around I'll be too worried about finding a new job and selling my house to dwell on the horrors of the PRT. One can only hope.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Regardless of affiliation - this is funny!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: 'What's a chicken? A chicken with lipstick?'

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day One! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%..........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Fashion Through The Ages

Recently I began watching the series Alias from the very beginning. It's a "spy" show that was created around 2001 by JJ Abrams - the man who also created my favorite show Lost as well as the new show Fringe. It stars Jennifer Garner (who makes me feel like a big fat slob) and some other people who aren't really that famous but look good on camera. Also, I have noticed that it is basically a fashion plate for the early 21st Century.

Ms. Garner (or Mrs. Affleck I should say) has sported just about every fashion trend I can remember from 2001! Crocheted hair kerchief - check! Midriff baring tops - check! Cowl-neck sweaters - check! Fashion colored sunglasses - check! I believe I even spotted one of those "Y" shaped necklaces that were so popular. Also, I may be wrong, but I think that it was about this time when being "metero-sexual" came en vogue for men because these fellows look very well groomed. Rawr.

These revelations gave me cause to ponder other shows and movies that appropriately illustrate the fashion trends of their respective time periods. Here's what I came up with:

ET: This movie always sparks the nostalgic part of my brain. The clothes, the furniture, the haircuts - they all SCREAM 1980's. The 80's were a happy innocent time for me - all Barbies and My Little Ponies. However, I did spend a lot of my time in orange corduroy pants, high necked ruffled blouses and bad haircuts. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I was not alone.




Breakfast Club: (Pretty in Pink & Sixteen Candles too) Same thing. The clothes, hair cuts, cars - everything about this movie epitomizes my early school years. Except that clearly these people had more money and a better sense of style than me. Oh well!



Singles: This movie perfectly encapsulates the early 1990's for me. Grunge and the "art" of looking carelessly put-together was high style for the time. It should have been a relief except that I always seem to put more time into looking messy than otherwise! Grunge was supposed to be easy!



Reality Bites: Again, the perfectly un-put-together look clearly defines my (early) college years. I also want to point out that this movie inspired me to purchase a video camera with my brand new Discover card. My very first large impulse purchase. I wish I could say it ended well, but well... Let's just say that college kids and credit cards shouldn't mix.


Friends: Of course! This show is an icon for not only the "Rachel" haircut but the increasing trend of smart causal wear for men folks. One doesn't always need to look like a bag of ass when walking out the door! Imagine! I for one was grateful for Joey, Chandler and Ross. Thanks for pulling up your pants!


As for the first part of the early 21st century - I really didn't watch that much. I was busy with the Navy and having a baby and stuff. The shows that I regularly tuned into were Survivor and Trading Spaces. Even the most charitable person can not credit either show for having a strong sense of fashion.


Now-a-days I still watch Survivor but I also watch Lost. Unless "survivor chic" is a new trend that I'm unaware of - I'm not getting any fashion advice from my television. I see advertisements for Gossip Girl and can't help but be curious. Is this the current trend? Ass baring skirts for the ladies and Hugh Hefner ascots for the boys? Whatever. I'll stick with my tried and true "style." Solid colored shirt and jeans/capris. Can't go wrong there, right?


So, what fashion trends do you remember? What influenced your style? Inquiring minds want to know!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Stop The Insanity!

You may have already gathered this - but Cute Overload is one of my favorite sites in the whole wide world. I visit a couple of times a day for a little dose of "awww" and a pick-me-up. What can I say. I'm an addict.

I saw the following video this afternoon and it struck me as hilariously funny. It's just a sweet little kitty loving on a horse - but the background music is insane!



I think I need to go home for medical reasons. Ya'll have a nice weekend!

Fun Little Pass-A-Long

Ok, I totally stole this from a blog that I stalk because I thought it looked fun.

1. Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Free-be Accord

2. Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Peep-toe

3. Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Elizabeth Springfield

4. Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Fleam

5. Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Margarita

6. NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Homer Milton

7. Stripper name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Chanel Twix

8. TV weather anchor name (a major city that starts with the same letter, your 5th grade teacher’s last name): Walla Walla Ward

9. Spy name (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Coffee Cherry

10. Cartoon name: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Pineapple Underpants

11. Hippie name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Iris

Ok, I think out of all of them I'll choose.... My soap opera name and my spy name. I can use my spy name as my soap opera name's alter ego - right?

Cherry... Coffee Cherry. {insert James Bond music}

hee hee. Have fun!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wordless Wednesday - Crazy Runs In The Family




**insert Wordless Wednesday Commentary**

Yeah. I wish I could explain it. These were taken at Disney On Ice a couple of weekends ago - the child could NOT take a "serious but happy" picture to save her life! (ahem, but my new SMILE sure looks nice doesn't it?!? I lurve my new smile!) I'm not sure if it was the excitement of ice-capades or the fact that we were in a very public setting but here is living proof that my daughter inherited the crazy gene. Along with the eyebrows. Yep, you're my little girl. Sorry!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

How Do I Love Thee? I Forget.


I suppose it should come as no surprise that my daughter has inherited a certain level of bossiness. I mean, she does spend the majority of her time in one-on-one company with moi and I am known to be quite bossy in my own way. Still, I find her bossy little attitude hard to stomach. Especially on busy mornings.

Her latest habit is to instruct me on all the things I have "forgotten." It's as though she takes great pleasure in pointing out my failings. It should be noted that I do not take great pleasure in having my failings pointed out to me. Especially by a four-year-old.

Here is a brief list of things I have "forgotten" in the past 24 hours:

Mama, you forgot to put away my sticker earrings.
Mama, you forgot to buy me new vitamins
Mama, you forgot to let me feed the cats kitty treats
Mama, you forgot to put my movie in the mail
Mama, you forgot to buy me any special dinners
Mama, you forgot to blah, blah, blah, blah BLAH!

It's driving me CRAZY! I have repeatedly told her that I did not "forget" to do ANYTHING, sometimes I simply CHOOSE not to do something.

What makes matters worse is the way she stand with her fists on her hips, head cocked to one side and eyes narrowed. She is chastising me! ME! I'm sure I'd think it was cute if it didn't occur 50+ times a day. As it is I'm about to lose my cool. I hope this is just a phase. Otherwise I might "forget" to pick her up from school. Kidding! I'm kidding, but I'm going to have to nip this in the bud soon. My patience has all but run out. And it's only Tuesday!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Chilly or Chili?

When I picked Muffin up from school on Friday she was having a sad moment. She had been looking forward to going outside with her class and riding the Big Red Tricycle. I spoiled it by coming early and snatching her away. I know, I'm a bad mama. That Big Red Tricycle is an object of worship in their class. There are plenty of other tricycles, but all the children clamor for the Big Red one. Muffin's teacher has confessed to thinking about throwing the damn thing over the fence because it causes so much hate and discontent. Thankfully, she resigned herself to timing the children on it instead. Now they all get five minutes on the Big Red Tricycle and everyone is happy.

Except Muffin, because I took her away before it was her turn. In an effort to distract her from her loss, I told Muffin about our dinner plans for the weekend. Because food is always a perky distraction, right? I told her how I was going to make Chili for Saturday night and then use the leftovers to make Chili Spaghetti on Sunday. Imagine my surprise when I heard a fresh bout of wails from the back seat!

Me: Muffin, what on Earth is wrong?

Muffin: I don't like Chilly Spaghetti! I only like my spaghetti WARM!!!

Thankfully, my fit of giggles cheered my sweet serious literal-minded little girl. And, of course, she tried to get me to laugh at her misuse of the word chili All. Weekend. Long. But, it was totally worth it. The chili was great too!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Blog Award and Meme!

Colleen over at Wine Please tagged me with this lovely blog award (my very first!) that includes a MEME! Thanks Colleen!





The rules are to answer the following questions in one word and then pass it on to seven others:

Where is your cell phone? Charging
Where is your significant other? Unknown
Your hair color? Brown
Your mother? Dedicated
Your father? Adventurous
Your favorite thing? Peace
Your dream last night? Mysterious
Your dream/goal? Progressing
The room you’re in? Cozy
Your hobby? Books
Your fear? Helplessness
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Prosperous
Where were you last night? Couch
What you’re not? Bored
One of your wish-list items? Carpet
Where you grew up? Columbia
The last thing you did? Type
What are you wearing? Slippers
Your TV? On
Your pet? Hungry
Your computer? Laptop
Your mood? Relaxed
Missing someone? Family
Your car? Paolo
Something you’re not wearing? Bra
Favorite store? Target
Your summer? Busy
Love someone? Muffin
Your favorite color? Purple
When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
Last time you cried? September

Some of those were a little tricky - narrowing down the answer to just one word is hard work! Just to clarify on the "car" question - I named my car Paolo. He's a sexy beast. Rawr.

So, I'm going to tag... Stacie, MOFM, Working Mom, Madam Queen, Mommytime, Laura B., AND Libby. Most of you probably already have this particular award but what the hell. Enjoy!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Please Pardon Our Mess

I'm attempting to convert my blog to a different email address and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do everything correctly so that this blog is unaffected by the change. Well, regardless - here is a post from my new email address. I'm not sure I converted all of the blogs I was following over to this one, but I'm sure I'll soon find out.

In other news... I recently heard from a long-lost good friend. Isn't it nice to reconnect with someone you used to feel close to? It's almost like coming upon an unfinished jig-saw puzzle and immediately seeing where the next piece should go.

I'm happy. I feel certain of myself in these uncertain times. I'm grateful and humble and excited to embark upon a new path.

That is all. Good Night!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Out of the frying pan...

Well, it's official - I've completed all the courses necessary for my degree. Hopefully I will receive my diploma in the mail before Christmas so I can frame it and put it on the wall. Yessir, I'm a card-carrying member of the Masters club and I feel very relieved.

Of course, now I'm left with an empty "worry spot" in my brain. The area that used to be occupied by homework, tests, quizzes, papers, etc is searching for something else to gnaw on. I would have thought that obtaining an MBA would completely obliterate this particular worry spot but it seems that I'm wrong.

Perhaps the other worry spots will eventually annex the one related to school. Lord knows, I could certainly stand to worry more about the state of my house! It's supposed to go on the market this spring and I have tons of painting, cleaning and organizing to do. Of course, I also have to worry about getting a new job. I have a resume to write, jobs to apply for, interviews to go to, interview suits to buy, weight to lose before buying the interview suits... Then again, there's always the old standby - my sweet little girl. I already spend tons of time worrying about her - what's a little more?

And yet, I'd like the option of keeping that worry spot free. Maybe I could fill it with something pretty - like memories of my little girl snuggled next to me in the morning, or petting a purring cat, or baking a perfect cake. Maybe that would be a better use for that area of my brain. In fact, maybe my entire conscious could stand to be remodeled in order to make more room for happiness and less room for worries.

Yes, that sounds like a great plan! I'll worry about it tonight.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

For My Younger Sister

I know you're lurking out there! I saw this picture and thought you'd get a kick out of it. Love you!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Comfort Food

Today I made one of my all-time favorite fall/winter comfort foods. Potato Soup! It's super easy: one five lb bag of russet potatoes (peeled and chopped rather small), crap tons of salt, some dill, a small container of sour cream and a splash or two of milk. I start by covering the potato bits in water and cooking them down for about six hours. Every time I go into stir I will add another dash of sea salt. Potatoes can suck up the salt, let me tell you! Then, towards the end, I'll add the sour cream, milk and dill.

Served with cheese and french bread it is the ultimate comfort food indulgence. Of course, I like to also serve mine with wine and a good mystery! I happened to find a collection of Agatha Christie's "Marple" at the library and can hardly wait to snuggle into the couch with my big bowl of soup to watch.

So, this has been my big holiday. What about you? How do you celebrate? I hope it's delicious!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Damn Kids!

I live in a town home community and there are two little girls in the block next to mine who are always getting into mischief. One has lanky brown hair and the other is a skinny little blond. They are at least six years old because they have mentioned being in school. I would estimate that they are in the six - eight range.

They have asked if Muffin can play with them in the past and I have refused. I did it in a nice way, but I really don't want Muffin hanging out with these girls. As I mentioned, they always appear to be up to some kind of trouble - be it chasing cats (mean), hiding in trash bins (gross!) or standing on top of cars. For real. I don't want my daughter to pick up any of these habits and I'm not entirely sure she would be safe with those girls anyway - I've also seen them playing in the road.

Recently the lanky brown haired girl has begun a different game. The "ring-the-door-bell-and-run" game. She has also enlisted the aid of my new neighbors (who I had secret hopes of becoming potential babysitters. Alas.) They will scamper up, ring the bell and tear off in a fit of giggles to hide behind the neighbor's car. Yesterday, the two neighbor kids did it by themselves - and one of them (the now not-so-potential babysitter) is definitely old enough to know better.

I have yet to answer the door after one of these pranks. I rarely answer the doorbell anyway. We have WAY too many door-to-door sales people in these parts. Unless I'm expecting company or a package I'll just ignore the bell. Regardless, the incessant ringing is about to drive me mad. In my psychology classes they advised that we ignore any behavior that we did not want reinforced. I'm not sure how long I can manage to ignore this crap - yesterday they were doing it during Muffin's nap! Also, I don't want to give them further satisfaction by appearing upset by their behavior.

I should also note that I've never spoken to any of the parents involved - outside a friendly greeting at the mailbox, I mean. I guess I would hate to have my first real conversation with my neighbors to be a complaint against their kids.

So, what do I do? I've considered opening the door and acknowledging their prank but asking that they cease and desist for the sake of my napping child. I've also considered rigging a battery up to the bell so that they get a nasty shock. But I'm sure that their parents wouldn't like that option too much. Maybe I should just wait them out and hope that a new game sparks their interest soon. Or, maybe when they come around to my house on Halloween I should say that I don't have candy for random door-bell-ringers. That might invite a few eggs though.

Still, right now I'm leaning towards electrocution and candy denial. I'm a grumpy old bitch that way. Damn kids.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Blog-flu-itis

Ok, I don't exactly know what this term means but I was exposed to it via the recent meme I completed. Does it mean that a blogger is not posting? Does it mean that a blogger is only posting about how terrible they feel about themselves? Does it mean that a blogger only posts about how awful their current situation is? What?!?!

I've taken a blog-break, I pretty nearly always highlight my flaws AND I do love to relay whatever recent misery I'm experiencing. Do I have this disease? Or am I a blog-hypochondriac?

I admit to feeling some guilt about posting more negative posts than positive posts. I envy those bloggers that can find humor in even the worst situations. Also, I'm incredibly grateful for the kind comments that I receive whenever I lay it out there. Here's the thing, my blog friends probably know more about the inner-workings of my life than my "real life" friends.

There is a certain anonymity associated with blogging that allows the blogger to be more inclined to relate their true feelings. Or maybe that's just me. Here's what I know to be true: I read a lot of very sincere posts and it impresses me. I am happy to believe that these posts are written by bloggers who are so confident that they would happily proclaim those same feelings on national television. But, I'm not like that.

I need to be strong in my "real" life. I feel the need to put up a front because of my profession as a "Naval Officer" and my position as a "Single Mom." These are my labels, they define me. I'm not saying that I don't occasionally (ok, more than occasionally) grump, bitch and moan to my family and friends - but, usually, they only hear the superficial bits. The deeper parts come out in my blog.

You know what? If you take a look at my very first post - truth via annonymity was not even what I intended this blog to be about! I wanted this blog to be about my journey towards organizational nirvanna. Along the way I developed an affinity with other "mom blogs" and felt comfortable expressing myself. I read posts by other mom-bloggers that made me think "ME TOO!"

I'd like to think that more than one person is in my boat. I'd like to think that I'm sharing a secret life of truth in a world of masks and white lies. This is my outlet! This is my free therapy session! Is it yours?

So, yeah. From time to time, I'm a Negative Nelly. And I'm grateful for my blog friends who allow me to be one. Thanks ya'll! I feel cured!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Bloggy break and a MEME!!

Well, I've been out of it for a few days. I had some periodontal surgery on Monday and they gave me Vicodin! I've never taken that drug before and I'm not exactly sure that I recommend it. Sure, it's great for the pain - but the mental fuzziness that goes along with it is more than excessive. Thankfully my parents have been here to help me out and, most importantly, cook!

So, I'm surfacing from the fuzz in order to complete a meme that Matter Of Fact Mommy tagged me with a few days ago. Here we go!

The rules are to write five positive things about yourself. I don’t care how goofy or weird those things are; I simply want them to be things you think are rad and that you absolutely believe with your whole heart. Like don’t hand me any “I’m a great mom!!” stuff if you actually think you’re only a pretty good mom. See what I mean? After you write your list, tag five other people to compose a list. Maybe we can fight this blogfluitis, five bloggers at a time.

1. I'm organized and efficient. This is generally a very practical trait to have but I have to say that I own it. I take pride in my efficiency and ability to make the most of what I'm given. I inherited this gift from both of my parents. They are both structured and creative and I believe that both of those qualities lead to great organizers. Snap!

2. I'm a tool-girl. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to let a man put up my drapes, but in the absence of a man (all too frequent in my life) I'm more than comfortable picking up the tools and getting the job done. This trait is not to be confused with my rule that men should kill bugs - bugs still freak me out! However, I'm not intimidated by hanging pictures, fixing a drippy faucet or - most recently - repairing a toilet. Toolbelt diva!

3. I can get the job done. Although I am a self-professed procrastinator and whiner, when push comes to shove I will "git 'er done." I'm a good person to have around in emergencies because I take direction well. In fact, I really really like direction! Tell me what to do and you can be assured that it will be done. Efficiently!

4. I have good taste. I'm not a stylista or a designer, but you can generally expect not to be embarrassed to be seen with me. Except if I'm drinking - but that doesn't count.

5. I throw awesome parties. Yep, if there is one thing that I do pretty well it's hosting a shindig. I like throwing parties, I like seeing other people have fun and I like a good time. I used to throw lots of parties "back in the day" and have fallen out of practice. Yet, if my sister's bachelorette party is any indication - I still have the touch. Whoo Hoo!

So, now I'm going to tag: Stacie, Madame Queen, LouCeel, Laura B., and Kristie. I hope you all have as much fun with it as I have!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled hallucinations... ;)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Why I Believe Time Travel Exists or I Love To Clean (Not Really)

Here is why I believe that time travel/alien technology exists - two words: Magic. Eraser.

Tell me that shit didn't come from the future!

Yeah, yeah - lay off the Fringe episodes, I know. But seriously!

I use my magic eraser for all sorts of chores. I hardly even use a sponge anymore (except for cleaning pots/pans/dishes - not sure the magic eraser is safe for consumption). As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much a slave to anything made by Mr. Clean or Scrubbing Bubbles. They are my work-mates, they make my life easier and I am happy to extol their virtues to anyone who is willing to listen. Or read, as the case may be.

Best use of alien technology - evah!! It even removes red wine stains from counter tops!! Miracle!


Love this sucker - you can get ANYWHERE with it, AND it has a detachable head! Pop that sucker off and you are ready to scrub the shower!
However, for my showers and baths I like this little guy. Very efficient and the hand grip allows for major scrubbing action. Take that soap scum!! DIE!!

I also lurv Scotchbrite, Lysol and Clorox but they rarely come out with any new gizmos to revolutionize housecleaning. Still, these guys have saved my bacon on more than one occasion:
Dual. Action. One side has these fibers embedded in the cloth to help scrub off whatever needs scrubbing off and the other side just wipes it away... Plus! It disinfects!! Great for the kitchen and bath. So says I.

No more ooky toilet bowl cleaning brush!! This little fellow has a button that allows you to dispose of the scrubbing sponge without ever touching it. Germ free toilet cleaning - that's for me!

Ok, so now that I've come out of the OCD Cleaning Closet - what's your favorite household cleaning aid? I would love to be introduced to new and fabulous ways to make housework less of a chore!! BTW, can you tell what I've been doing all morning?

Friday, October 3, 2008

Snap Out Of It!

Do you ever have times where you feel like slapping yourself? I've been wallowing in self pity since fell off the wagon last week and consumed all of the dreaded "ABC's" (Alcohol, Bread and Carbs.) I was seeing some progress in the weight-loss department but as soon as my daughter left town I stopped being a good girl and basically lost my shit. Not that I'm blaming Muffin or anything... I just find it easier to police myself when she's around.

Anyway, feelings of guilt over my week of hedonistic pleasure propelled me into my own pity party. Which led to more irresponsible behavior. Which has led to more feelings of guilt. You see where this is going, right?

So I was sitting at my desk contemplating a trip to the vending machine for something chocolate, or salty, or both when suddenly I'm given a mental smack!

"Hey! Ain't nobody gonna fix your life. You gotta fix it your own damn self!" In my mind, my inner "discipline" voice is Angela Basset and she's pissed.


"Waaahhh, but I'm sad about gaining back every ounce it took three weeks to looooooooooooosssssseeee." My inner "whiny" self is basically me. With bad hair and acne. (Ok, more bad hair and worse acne)

"It's your own damn fault. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back out there!" Ms. Basset scolds.

"But I don't wanna. I want a snack. And I want to miraculously lose 20 + pounds" I respond sulkily.

"Honey, you and I both know that last part ain't happening. Now, you can either sit here and waste time thinking of all the things you shoulda done, or you can move on. I suggest moving on." Ms. Basset responds.



I reluctantly agree, even though it means giving up my idea of a mid-afternoon snack in favor of an afternoon workout. In my mind Angela Basset is the toughest, yet kindest person on the planet. She's my inner life-coach and she's pretty convincing.

Perhaps she should be convincing me to see someone about hearing voices in my head - but I'm grateful that she's sticking strictly to diet and exercise. Thanks Ms. Basset!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Be Who You Are

Coming home tonight I had the following conversation with Muffin:

Muffin: "Did you miss me at school today?"

Me: "Of course!"

Muffin: "Could you hear me when I missed you?"

Me: "No.?.?.... You were at school, I couldn't hear you there."

Muffin: "Oh. But I thought you could hear me with your Big Bad Wolf Ears!"

Me: "Big Bad Wolf Ears? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted!"

Muffin: "You should just be Mama because that's who you are."

And to that I say: "Muffin, you are wise beyond your years."

I am glad that she realizes, at such a young age, how important it is to be who you are. Don't be what you think others want you to be - be who you are. I know that I'm late to learn this lesson - but I hope Muffin will remember it. Always

Lost Update

Spoilers! Not really. I was just cruising the web and found this funny photo on Engrishfunny.com

Lost in translation
more the engrish!

Well, that about sums up the confusion I felt!

Is anybody else missing the island? *sniff*